The Awakening

The Awakening

I awoke in a daze not sure if I was really here. I had been ill in the
night. And my sleep had been disturbed with restlessness and strange
mini-dreams of vivid scenes.
That left me feeling a little un-easy and disturbed.

I turned to look at the alarm clock 3.30 pm. It was late in the day. I
tried to get up but my body refused to cooperate. And I fell back on
the bed.. my head sinking back into the warm welcoming comfort of the
pillow.

I lay there for quite some time. I finally got up when the phone rang.
I let it ring for a while. Before its naggingringring. Made me leave my
warm security.

"hello," I answered in a rough hoarse voice.

"God you don't sound very well&;#8230;" it was my friend
Marie.

"Hi Marie, how are you?"

"I'am ok thanks, listen what are you up to tonight?"

"Er nothing, staying in." I said.

"Do you fancy coming out with us for a drink?"

"Nah I cant afford it&;#8230; I'am skint."

"Its ok I'll buy you a drink."

"I cant let you do that."

"Stop being stupid. Its only a drink, its hardly gonna break my bank,
is it?"

"No"

"Come on Aiden you haven't been out in ages. Where have you been?
People are
asking about you. I've tried calling a few times. But your on the damn
internet and I cant get through to you, and your mobiles always
switched off."

"Ar my mobiles broke, need to get it fixed or buy a new one."

"Bullshit, you just don't want to speak to anyone do you?"

"Its its&;#8230;"

"Come on Aiden I know you well&;#8230; were old friends remember. I
can tell somethings wrong"

I said nothing I was silent. It was true my mobile was working fine.
Only I kept it switched off. I didn't want to speak to anyone.

"Aiden?"

I felt a bit panicky, I didn't want to tell anyone how I was feeling at
this time. The silence seemed to pain some part inside me. And seemed
to create an inner intensity that was almost un-bearable.

"Aiden? You there?"

"Yeah&;#8230;I'am here."

"You were silent&;#8230; Come on Aiden whats up?"

"Nothing.. I&;#8230;I don't want to talk about it."

"You cant keep it bottled up you know? And you cant keep deafing out
your friends."

"No"

"So are you coming out?"

"I don't know&;#8230; I haven't been out in ages. I don't know if I
can handle the social thing right now."

The phone went silent for a while, Marie broke the silence. She spoke
in a soft empathetic manner. "Aiden please come out. I know what your
going through. When I was suffering from depression I didn't want to go
out either. But when I finally did I felt a whole lot better for it.
Please Aiden.."

"Ok.. I'll come out.. what time?" I said

"I'll pick you up at eight&;#8230;"

"Ok, see you later then.."

"Bye.. and Aiden I know what your going through.. It will do you the
world of good to get out and see people." she said.

"I'am not so sure Marie, see I am really dark at the moment. I aint
exactly gonna be a barrel of laughs."

"Aiden we're your friends, who cares you just be yourself. If your down
then we're down with you&;#8230; we're here for you, its hard when
you deaf us out."

"Yeah your right, I'am sorry, see you later then."

"Eight a clock." She said.

"Yeah take care, see you later." I said and gently placed the reciever
back on the phone.

I felt nervous I had been locked in these four walls for nearly ten
days now. I hadn't really been in contact with anyone. Occasionally I
had left to go and get something from the shop. But my money was
running out, and I was bordering on the edge of extreme poverty.

I hadn't been into work, I had rung in sick. They had rung me a few
times to see how I was, and when I would be coming back. And I had held
my nose, and made my voice hoarse. To make it sound like I was ill. But
I knew I wasn't really going to go back there. It was a dreary factory
job, packing boxes on a conveyer belt. I hated it more than anything.
Most of my day was spent staring at the clock on the wall. Trieing to
make the hands go round faster so I could go home.

I didn't really get on with the other workers there. I was a newcomer
in their world. They were always talking about sex and manufactured pop
music; and about fighting. And a few of them asked me if I wanted a
scrap on a few occasions. From which I declined, telling them I was a
trained martial artist and it was against my ethical code. Which they
didn't believe.

In order to get into their clique you had to be either very extrovert
or a female with large breasts. I would sit in the canteen at
breaktimes in silence. While everyone talked around me. Nobody bothered
to try and make conversation with me. I was generally ignored, I felt
like I was invisible. I had tried a few times to talk to the others but
the words had all come out in a jumbled up incoherence cause I was
nervous. And my voice would dry up and sound faint and I would mumble.
And I think people just thought I was weird or a nerd.

I remember someone talking to me once and he asked me what I was
interested in. I told him I liked writing, Taichi and playing the
dijirido. For the rest of the week I was the subject of Rolph Harris
jokes and they thought because I liked writing I was a boffin or
something, which wasn't true. I had failed most of my subjects at
school. All my subjects except English that is. If I was a boffin I
surely wouldn't be working in this dump.

The supervisors would watch you from a balcony. To make sure everyone
was working properly. On duty we weren't allowed to talk, not that I
did much of that anyway. And you had to ask permission to go to the
toilet. The atmosphere was always tense, and all you could hear was the
dull thud thud of the machines as they churned out their mass produced
crap. No I wasn't going back there. I had decided, I hated it.

A feeling of despair came over me. And I began to feel tense. What am
I going to do with my life I thought. I have no money, soon I'll have
no food. I am falling behind with my rent. The bills will be coming
soon. I folded my arms and clutched them tightly into my body and
walked around in an agitated state. I'll have to go down the job-centre
and sign on. But then I will have to explain to them why I quit my job;
and that would mean me losing my benefits. A catch 22 situation.

I looked around my room trieng to search for some kind of answer. But
all my things just stared back at me in silence. I really didn't know
what I wanted to do with my life. After a few moments I gave up and sat
down at my desk and flicked on the computer. It hummed into life and
bleeped. I sat there and waited for the thing to boot up. It always
took a long time, it was an old machine that a relative had given to
me. It had quite a few problems with it, but at least I could access
the internet, which was the main thing.

It finally loaded up windows'98 and I clicked on the anytime icon and
my modem began to screech into life. I sat back in my chair and watched
the screen, waiting for my computer to connect to the world. When it
finally loaded up my homepage, I sat and thought about what I wanted to
look for. My mind went blank, so in desperation I typed ' The meaning
of life' into the search bar. And clicked 'Go' and waited to see if
there were any results, about forty eight results came up.

1.Monty pythons meaning of life.

2.Science news - the meaning of life.

3.Monty pythons meaning of life.

4.New approach to the meaning of life.

5.The meaning of life - the musical.

6.The meaning of life discussed by philosophers.

7.Monty Pythons meaning of life.

8.Meaning of life - a poem dedicated to a man about to throw himself
off a bridge.

9.Meaning of life - An ancient manuscript has just been discovered.
With some startling answers.

mmm I thought this sounds interesting so I clicked on the ninth
link.
Suddenly a great notice comes up on the screen:

ATTENTION

The fact that you found this web site is very important. Please read
this page carefully and consider your actions thoughtfully and
prayerfully prior to taking any further action.

I WILL WRITE THIS ONLY ONCE, AND THE ANCIENT MANUSCRIPT ENCLOSED CAN
ONLY BE DOWNLOADED ONCE.

If you choose to download this manuscript then the responsibility for
spreading its message will come down to you and you alone. Noone else
will find this site after the message has been downloaded. It will
mysteriously dissapear and never be seen again. The only copy of the
ancient manuscript will be in your hands.

You may spread this message in as many different ways as you choose.
Through music, poetry, or straightforward copying and distributing.
Feel free to be creative. If you do this with a pure heart, then the
great spirit will be with you and aid you in your quest.

Maybe you are wondering who I am&;#8230; well I am GOD. Yes I am
the almighty creator of the universe. Why am I using such methods to
spread my message? Well the answer is that I am God and I work how I
want to work..ok. I alone make the rules and I am the source of all
creativity and the creator of it. This web-page can only be found by
those whom I will to see it. So if you have found it, then it is the
spirit who led you here, and it is no accident that you found it. So
now carefully consider whether you wish to continue.

Yes / No

I laughed, who is this nutter&;#8230; you get some right ones on
the internet.. some real head cases. I clicked the 'No' button.

'Ooooops it seems you've been tricked&;#8230;.. try YES'

I clicked 'No' again.

'Obviously you are pretty stupid&;#8230; so I will speak plainly to
you. The 'No' button doesn't work. The only way off this web-site is to
download the manuscript. You will have to click 'Yes' I'am afraid, you
have been TRICKED!!'

What is this? Think again smart arse I thought and clicked the back
button on the browser. But all it did was load the page again. "What
the&;#8230;" I clicked back again but couldn't get off the web-page.
"Darn things crashed again.." I tried to close the window but it
wouldn't close. I pressed ALT+CTRL+DEL. Nothing happened. I pressed
ALT+CTRL+DEL again still nothing happened. I tried every concievable
thing that I could to make the darn thing go away, but no matter what I
did there it was. "UUURGGGH bloody hell.."

I hated doing this but I felt like I had no choice. I switched off my
computer without shutting down properly then switched it on again.
After booting up, the familiar scandisk thing came up.

scandisk

' Because windows was not properly shutdown, one or more of your
diskdrives may have errors on it.

To avoid seeing this message again, always shutdown your computer by
selecting shutdown from the start menu.

ScanDisk is now checking drive C for errors: blah blah.'

Underneath theres that annoying thermometer style progress bar. Which
you can't help but look at trieing to will it to move faster. On my
machine it takes ages to get to 100 percent.

Feeling impatient I press the enter key to bypass this tediousness.
And soon it's all humming back to life, the familiar windows'98 logo
filling the screen. Then back to my wallpaper desktop. I click on the
anytime icon again and my modem screeches back into life.
Dudududadadudu eeeeeecccccckkkk dong dong ewwwooooo then silence as it
loads up my homepage.

But it doesn't load up my homepage, oh no it loads up that darn ancient
manuscript page again. GO AWAY! And the same thing happens I can't get
away no matter what I do. I click the 'No' button again and this time
the answer makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

'Listen Aiden, the only way out of this is to click 'Yes'. I really am
God. So now I will speak clearly. I saw you stood in your flat feeling
despair and so now I have given you a purpose. I must say I am
dissapointed by your lack of enthusiasm and spirit of adventure. This
manuscript really does contain important knowledge aren't you even a
little curious&;#8230;? It isn't long, it won't take you very long
to read. You should feel blessed. I see the future Aiden. Forget the
dreary factory, and the worry of money and bills. From now on the 'No'
option will no longer exist and the only way to get your computer
working properly again is to press 'Yes'. I know it is against my
ethical code to impede on your free-will in such a way. The reason I am
being like this is because I see the future and the Aiden who spreads
this message will be a far happier more spirited Aiden, than the one
who sits in his flat sulking and despairing about life. I am giving you
a chance I don't normally give so clearly&;#8230; I want you to find
meaning and a purpose for your life. Through spreading this message you
will bring meaning and purpose into other peoples lives.'

I feel a bit freaked, is this really God? Or is this some insane
hacker playing games with me. But then why would a hacker bother to go
to such lengths with a sad nerdy penniless fool like me. Is it big
brother playing games? Some sad bored government official sat in
Intelligence HQ at his computer winding me up just for something to
do.

I try to get off the webpage again but it aint having it man. Same old
story, my computer freezes on me. I switch it off in frustration. Time
is ticking and Marie will be here soon. So I go to get a wash and a
shave.

As I'am washing and shaving I hear a hum coming from my living room.
Then the hair on the back of my neck stands on end when I hear the
familiar sound of the modem screeching to life. I go into the living
room with shaving foam on my face and stare in disbelief. My computer
has switched itself back on and connected itself to the internet. On my
screen is that damn web-page. I am really spooked now. But in my
stubborness I refuse to click on 'Yes'. This has become a battle of
wills between me and God it seems.

It's the same old story I can't get off the web-page no matter what I
do. So in frustration I have to switch the power off again. This time
though I pull the plug out from the wall-socket. "Now try and switch
yourself on," I say to it in defiance; and get back to shaving.

I flick on my stereo and get a bath and then get some clean clothes on,
and I go into the living room; and almost feel like I am going to pass
out from shock and fear. The computer has switched itself on again. I
look and the plug isn't in the wall socket.

I go to the screen feeling very nervous. There is that darn web-page
again. But at the bottom in big bold letters are the words:

NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME.

I nod meekly, I guess this really is God. I click on the 'Yes' option
this time and download the manuscript. It is only short. When I open it
I read this:

Aiden there is no ancient manuscript. I tricked you again. This whole
web-site was a trick to teach you something. And I can see that you
have learnt much today. Your friend Marie will be here in a few
minutes. So I won't speak for long.

William Shakespeare once wrote a very wise thing: " There are more
things on heaven and earth than are dreamed of in your philosophy,
Horatio."

Today I have proven to you that there is indeed more to life than what
you think. Don't worry about your life Aiden. You see your not the only
one in the world who suffers.

Everyday I hear the voices of the hurting, the lonely, I see the
horrors, I feel the suffering: and in my left eye there is always a
tear for humanity. But then for everyone of you who cries out to me in
pain; there are those who hear that person's pain like your friend
Marie. They go out of their way to help others, to bring peace, to
uplift the world. And so my right eye is always bright, clear and
smiling. So go Aiden, live your life, be one of those that brings a
smile to my right eye.

You want to know the meaning of life? It's for you to live that's all.
Nothing more, nothing less. There are no rules, only the rules you make
up for yourself. Nobody has to do anything they don't want to. You
don't have to do a shitty job, you don't have to live in a house, you
don't have to have a wife and 2.4 children, you don't have to sign on.
But you can if you like. Do whatever makes you feel happy. That's the
unique gift I gave to you all: freewill. Everybody is free to do
whatever they please.

Sometimes life is hard and these are your challenges, because
challenges make you grow in character and in strength. A life without
challenges would be a stagnant one. Stagnation means you stay stuck in
the same rut again and again. So challenges are necessary to keep you
from staying in this rut. Like the yeast in the dough. Necessary so you
can grow. Your evolution is my evolution.

My purpose in creating you is a selfish one; but at the same time an
unselfish one: a paradox. I created all this so that I could know
myself. I have no way of knowing myself except through the things I
have made. I cannot see myself without you. And I am all that you see,
so look around you.

My purpose for you is that you should know yourself as me. For you are
me.

Death is my gift to you. It would be awful for you, if you had to stay
in this limited realm of time and space for all eternity. I do not have
the heart to do that to you, I am not a cruel God. But fear not, death
is not an end. It is a transformation into something much more
mind-blowing than what you see now. Death is not something to get
depressed about. Death is what you have lived your brief lives for - it
is the next level. So prepare for it and be strong. What you learn in
this life you take with you into the next life. As you climb the
stairway to heaven.

And know that what you do in the time of your trials can be your
greatest triumph. Your greatest jewel, your most powerful ally. Jacob
in the bible had to wrestle with the angel all night before the angel
gave him the blessing. So Aiden wrestle for the blessing.

Everything that comes to you can teach you something new. So always
have the attitude of a learner.

Live in the moment.

All people are special, and all moments are golden. There is no person
and there is no time more special than another.

So be a healer Aiden, fill peoples hearts with joy and love. Through
watching my creation I have learnt that I am love. But I cannot
interfere with your free-will, so I can only watch. You are not robots
or computer programmes, that I can just delete or interfere with: you
are Gods like me. You grow through the choices that you make.

Your friend Marie is here now.

Be a Warrior Aiden.

Love
God

P.s. you may want to save this to disc for future reference. Help you
if you ever feel the dark times again. I am always here for you.

I hear a knock on the door. I click on file and save this message to my
disc. And after I have done this, the computer mysteriously switches
itself off. But I'am used to weird stuff now. I now know that life
isn't as bad as I once thought. That there are more things in heaven
and earth than I once believed. I'am free to do whatever I like. There
are no rules, only those that I make for myself. Death no longer scares
me. Challenges just make me stronger. Creativity helps me to know
myself.

And there is a God and he's sound.

But then I see there are many people out there hurting. I don't know
how I can help them, but I will find a way to help them break free from
their darkness: so they can know themselves, become warriors; and
make
God's right eye shine and smile.

I go to answer the door.