Morning pages

I awaken to the sound of Balinese spiritual music, and the sound of
the beep beep..... beep beep of my mobile phone alarm at the other end
of the room. (Placed there deliberately by me to ensure I get up this
morning.)Its high pitchedness gets louder and louder.

I lie there in complete anguish. I will have to move, I can't bear the
high pitched beeping anymore, it is awful. I am my own torturer at
times.

I get out of bed like a drugged up zombie and switch the thing off,
sigh in relief, then the foggy early morning vibe hits me. Ugghh I see
my bed, it looks so nice and comforting. It won't hurt to just lie
there for another ten minutes and listen to that sweet Bali
music.
As soon as that thought pops into my head its over. the battle is lost,
back to bed I go.
I lie there and listen to the music.. aaahhh bliss. My eyelids grow
heavy and I let them close...ah blissful peace.....sweet music
and
woomphh sleep.

two hours later no more music, I turn to look at the clock. Shit! oh
shit! not again. Damn oh no fuck! This can't be happening, please tell
me this isn't happening. Not today of all days THIS CAN'T BE
HAPPENING!!!

I run frantically around my flat like a madman
trieing to get my clothes on and my things together at the same time.
Saying things like "Ah time you great taskmaster, with your fucking
non-stop ticking minutes, give me chance will you."

My dog Ben he's just looking at me with his deep brown eyes calmly. He
is like the passive Buddha meditating. The complete contrast to my
chaotic self.

And then I realize, shit, I aint got no money.
I'am skint, oh botherations and poverty demons leave me alone will you,
to go my own way in this confusion called life.

Damn... its thirty pence a journey for my dog. I have to catch two
buses to work and two back. I can't take him with me today. Poor Ben he
needs a walk and I have only twenty minutes to spare before the bus
comes. Argh panic, in flight or fight mode I open my front door, still
trieing to get dressed. "Come on Ben..." I say.
"Walk.."
His ears prick up when he hears the word 'walk' and then hes out of the
door in a flash.

Suddenly I'am running down the road, trieing to get to this field
which isn't very far away, with this awful muggy headed feeling,
desperate for a cup of tea, but I aint got time. Bens running alongside
me looking happy, he thinks this is some kind of bizarre fun game we're
playing.

I get to the field and stop running and Ben just runs and leaps and
sniffs around it, while I look at my watch feeling like some kind of
exercise warden. A bit pissed off with myself for not getting up when
my alarm went off, Poor dog.... He loves the outdoors.
I feel guilty cause I can't take him with me to work today. He will
have to sit at home and I hate doing that to him, though he don't seem
to mind, bless him, he just sleeps when I'am not there, he's an old dog
now coming on to twelve years old.

The minute hand on my watch tells me I have seven minutes left till the
bus comes. Ok time to go back... I whistle him and start running home.
I turn to look behind me and Ben is stood dead still in the middle of
the field, his ears pricked, head cocked to one side looking at me
puzzled. I keep running then he seems to suddenly understand whats
happening. I hear him galloping behind me and whoomph he's suddenly in
front and beats me to the door. I let him into the flat, grab my bag,
and am about to go. When I see his face.
He looks at me all sad-like cause he knows I'am going. I feel awful
leaving him here like this. I pat him on the head "See ya later
bud.."
I say guiltily. Then quickly I go to the kitchen open a few cupboards
and am back with a handful of doggie treats. "Der you go fella."

Then I'am out of there, the last thing I see is Bens pointy eared face
watching me with puzzledness. Then I'am walking down the street and I
can see the bus stop ahead of me. I'am gonna make it with two and a
half minutes to spare. Suddenly I don't feel so stressed. Phew!

Thats it, all done, I've made it, I managed to get everything done in
time. I even managed to get myself a quick cup of tea.( I forgot to
mention that didn't I, somehow rustled one together whilst doing
everything else.) And I drink it on the way to the bus stop. Then when
I get there something don't feel right. Oh no, I check my pockets, oh
no please tell me this isn't real..... damn it is.... I forgot my bus
pass... ah ye Gods! Bollux and damnations... I can't believe it!