New Born - August 22 2002

07.03 am, it looks like rain, I woke up at 6.10 and went downstairs
to feed the cats, which I did, well, I fed Tabby, I think Longhair is
out on Dawn Patrol. I put on Muse's "Origin Of Symmetry" which I am
listening to now. They are one of my favourite bands and I hope to see
them play this weekend.

Yesterday (21) I woke up at 8. I fed the cats and went online to write
my journal. Then I played guitar, which seems to be the routine while I
am not at work. Sometimes I can play guitar and its good, and other
times I wonder what is the point, and I think life is like that, we may
all want life to run evenly, but it doesnt, it yo yos. We are creatures
with emotions thank God, we are not ruled by Logic. The fact that we
cry or laugh at different times is important. It matters. It makes us
Human.

I got the bus to Westcliff as I was meeting my wife at the Gym, as we
were going to Waitrose to get groceries (and for me to get cigarettes
and bananas for Reading). We got there and I rang my niece to work out
what time to meet up tomorrow. We agreed on 10.30 at the station as
12.00 would be too late. I suggested the earlier we went the better the
chance of getting a decent camping site.

We drove to Westcliff again, where I got out and went in the Army Navy
Surplus to get a kit bag for the food and water I was taking. I mean I
dont tend to eat much but thought it would be a good idea to take
something at least. But then of course I can always wave my wristband
and walk into town and get some decent scuss, and use the toilets
there. I mean thats really simple isnt it? It may mean I miss a band I
am not bothered about but it seems crazy not too.

I got in, went online for a bit, then I had a bath, and then went back
online. I had a bacon and avocado sandwich for my tea. I chatted to
Erin, but I think she was busy, as we didnt say much. I went in web
chat and spoke briefly about my brother and his girlfriend but opinion
seemed to be to let him and his girlfriend get on with it. I can see
the good reasons for this but sometimes I would like to get them
together and say "this is fucking silly, you both love each other, you
both care for each other, what difference does it make that you have
got a mortgage rather than paying rent?" but I havent and I probably
wont. In the past people have come to me and asked for my help which I
have given freely and without any strings. Its something that I do. I
have wondered at times, when I let my imagination go, what it would be
like to be a Knight, not knighted for some achievement but a knight who
has dedicated themselves to helping others less fortunate than
themselves.

I had an opportunity to read the forums and I note that things have
gone into almost a dead end. We need to knock down that brick wall now
and make it better, all of us. We can start anytime we want to. We dont
have to stay in that dead end, we can talk about anything we care to
choose because thats what a discussion is, an exchange of views and
information. Maybe if we looked about us and saw the colour of the
trees and the fact that the air tastes fresher in the morning, or even
look at a single blade of grass, or a spider's web and see the
wonder...

I am off to Reading today so the journal will stop for the now. I will
probably try writing an intermittent one when I am at Reading all being
well.