Ofar Quarson Ind

Dear Sir,

Ofar Quarson Industries has just been born. Due to certain
circumstances, which are to be explained, we are seeking advice,
guidance and funding. We come to you, 'a very successful business
person', cap in hand.
One man. Our company director, our treasurer, our creator and his
master plan have been taken away from us. He has been detained by H M
Custom and Excise after being caught smoking in the no smoking area of
Heathrow Airport. His personal belongings, luggage and body were
searched. Much to our embarrassment he was charged and found guilty of
smuggling. No not drugs but his secret boy girl Bangkok chick lover.
Obviously he never thought they would search inside his life sized
stuffed grizzly bear.

This whole episode has left us high and dry. We are using the last of
our company funds, raised from begging and busking to throw ourselves
upon your mercy. I'm sure you understand the feeling of degradation and
humiliation my company and I are experiencing at this moment in time.
Despite this setback, the ceiling has not yet caved in. We have just
concluded an Extra-Ordinary General meeting which produced some very
interesting results. If you could spare a few moments of your time to
study and add your opinions or even perhaps help us to research and
promote some of our ground breaking ideas.

How's this one to wet your appetite. A major press issue of late has
been the production of genetically modified food. Now we say this is
yesterday's news. Move on, why not start genetically modifying human
beings. Think of the possibilities. Whenever English people go to
Spain, we get a dickey tummy. Introduce the superior Indian gene as an
instant cure for the so-called 'Delhi Belly'.

Hungry for more ? Then tuck into this.
Mankind is exhausting the reserves for fossil fuels at an alarming
rate. Soon we will be thrust back into the dark ages when it comes to
transportation. We propose to open Blacksmiths, at the heart of London,
Oxford Street, with an express shoe shodding service. Strike while the
iron is hot! And we can have a complete monopoly on the market. That's
the benefit of vision.

Here's one more to leave your taste buds tingling.
Over the years, due to the much-publicised 'green house effect'
temperatures around the world are rising. What do people around the
whole world do to keep cool? Yes eat ice cream. The hotter it gets the
more people eat. But there is only a small variety. This vastly
expanding market would benefit greatly from more flavours, of which we
have come up with a whole host. New tastes such as, Pork Sausage and
Brussel Sprout, Chicken and Chutney, Sweet and Sour Prawn Ball and kids
favourites such as Custard 'n' Chips. Also to bring back childhood
memories to us adults, Mud pie and Stones flavour.

If you have read this far then we have completed our task in capturing
your imagination. Your help, professional or financial will be accepted
with the greatest appreciation and we will also be willing to help you
wherever possible in the future.

We look forward to your brick in building the empire of Ofar Quarson
Industries. Your advice or even a tenner will do, I mean its not much
is it, or more if you can afford it, or less, anything were
starving.
Help!

Yours truly

Mr Ofar Quarson.

REPLY

HARRODS
KNIGHTSBRIDGE

Dear Mr. Quarson,

Mr. Al Fayed has asked me to thank you for your letter and reply to you
on his behalf in his absence.

Whilst the chairman was interested to read your recent letter regarding
the Ofar Quarson Industries and your original business ideas and
appreciates your approach, he regrets that this is not something he
wishes to invest in at this time. I am sorry if this response is
disappointing but Mr Al Fayed does receive many interesting proposals
such as your own and it is impossible for him to reply positively to
every one received.

May I take this opportunity to thank you for thinking of the chairman
and extend his best wishes.

Yours sincerely,

Chairman's office.