TIRED OF WAITING

Tired of Waiting

Alice still found it difficult to believe she was here in Greece, lying
beside her sleeping husband, on her honeymoon no less!

She smiled smugly, propping herself up on one elbow and admiring her
new husband as he slept, his long, dark eyelashes fanning his
newly-tanned cheeks. She had to keep pinching herself. She had waited
so long for this moment and now it seemed surreal, as though she was
dreaming it all. As in the pages of all those romantic novels she had
ever read, her heart really did skip a beat.

"So strange" she whispered out loud and the words echoed gently off the
whitewashed walls and marbled floor.

All the more strange really, because of Tim's reluctance to tie the
knot. After years of waiting, hoping, being disappointed and then
waiting some more, events had suddenly happened in top gear,
accelerating beyond her control. Not that she minded. Now though, in
the idyllic setting of her honeymoon, she had time to catch her breath
and recall the events of the last six months.

The morning of her wedding had dawned bright and clear.

As her mother, fastened the tiny buttons on the back of her dress,
Alice had one worrying question,

"Do you think he'll turn up?" her forehead was furrowed in a deep
frown.

"Now, now," her mother's long fingers deftly fastened the buttons, and
smoothed the dress down around her daughters slight hips,

"Don't go spoiling your special day with thoughts along those lines.
Let's hear no more nonsense &;#8230; look, " she pointed to the
window and they both saw the hairdresser arrive to arrange Alice's
hair, " come on now, let's see a smile."

Alice did smile for it was the day she had dreamed of. Her mother would
tell you that she had been planning it since she was a little girl when
Aunty Vera had given her a Bridal Barbie. She had been captivated. One
day, she had thought, that will be me.

Afterwards, as they had waited in the Departure Lounge for their
flight, she could barely remember anything about the day, it had been a
whirlwind, a dream, the biggest adrenalin rush of her life. Everyone
told her how beautiful she looked and she knew it and she could tell by
his expression that her new husband was proud of the effort she had
made on his behalf, his chocolate coloured eyes never left her face for
a moment.

Of course, she'd been the absolute envy of all the girls at work as she
had proudly flashed her engagement ring at them all. She knew that most
of them had almost begun to doubt that she ever would make it up the
aisle, she certainly had.

She'd met Tim when she was fifteen in a local theme pub. He had asked
her out for a date, shouting over the music, and had taken her number,
which she scribbled on a beer mat in bright pink lipstick, hoping the
colourful numbers would not smudge in his pocket. Evidently they did
not.

It was love. For both of them. Even Alice's mother approved of him.
Dear old Tim, like a favourite old sweater that had grown out of shape
over the years but was just too comfy to throw away.

Four and a half years sailed by and nothing much seemed to be
happening. Alice and Tim rubbed along together like a fat lady's
thighs. Where there was one, the other wasn't far behind. Alice and
Tim. Tim and Alice. They had been a couple for a long, long time. There
was just that one little thing &;#8230;&;#8230; Tim always seemed
terribly vague when Alice asked him what he wanted out of their
relationship and he went strangely quiet if Alice dropped hints about
marriage. There was no suggestion to live together either. Exasperated,
Alice gave him the benefit of the doubt. She was prepared to
wait.

After a few years more, Tim was promoted at work and began talking
about buying a house. He'd been saving ever since he'd first started
work apparently, although he had never said anything to Alice, and
surprisingly had a decent sized deposit. Secretly, Alice was bubbling
with excitement - fancy him building a little nest egg for them both!
She decided not to make too much of it, at least not to him, she didn't
want to frighten him off when things were happening at last. They
started house hunting together.

Alice and her mother began to make plans.

"Do you think he's going to propose?" asked her mother.

Alice nodded confidently, "Well, it's about time. Six years now we've
been together. I think this might be it." She chewed on her lip, her
head full of white gowns, confetti and marriage vows.

They found a house. Alice fell in love with it immediately - "a
Victorian end of terrace in need of some renovation" she had read out
loud from the details as she and Tim scoured the streets for "Milton
Close". Tim agreed with Alice that it was a good investment and because
his father was a builder it meant that any work that needed doing
wasn't going to cost them the earth. Tim went alone to see an Adviser
about his mortgage and moved into 27 Milton Close three weeks before
Alice's 21st birthday.

"He'll probably ask me to move in with him after my 21st," Alice said
glumly, after spending a day at Tim's new house, helping his mother
hang net curtains.

For the occasion of Alice's 21st Birthday, the whole family and some
close friends were going out for a meal to celebrate at some posh
restaurant Tim knew about.

Alice had taken particular care over her hair and make-up, new dress,
new shoes. She was sure that tonight was going to be special in more
ways than one. She'd even had her nails done professionally. She spread
her fingers out on her dressing table and imagined Tim sliding the ring
onto her finger.

"Oh Alice, " her mother cooed, kissing her excitedly, "You do look
stunning. I expect Tim's been waiting until tonight. It will be a
double celebration."

Alice imagined him going down on one knee in front of all her family
and friends and fumbling nervously for the ring in his jacket pocket.
Trust Tim to want an audience! She would be the first one of all her
friends to be engaged. She couldn't wait to see their faces.

The restaurant was lovely. The food and wine beyond compare but Alice
could hardly eat a thing. She studied Tim all evening trying to read
his mind. She wondered if he was nervous - perhaps that was why he had
drunk so much already and they weren't even on dessert yet. She could
picture him choosing the ring. How did he know her ring-size? Perhaps
her mother was in on it after all&;#8230; Tim caught Alice staring
at him and squeezed her knee beneath the table, winking at her
knowingly. He had arranged for the kitchen staff to bring out a cake
with twenty-one candles in it and everyone in the restaurant had sung
Happy Birthday to her. She had felt like an absolute idiot but
dutifully blew out the candles, smiling and blushing as everyone
cheered and clapped. Her heart was pounding - this must be it
&;#8230; any second now. She caught her mother's eye and the latter
nodded, smiling, as if she knew something, (which she did not).

Tim stood to his feet, "Right then," he said, rubbing his hands
together, "Who's for another drink."

As the evening came to a close and Tim kissed her goodbye outside the
restaurant before heading off to meet some mates in Circles Wine Bar in
the town centre, Alice put on a brave face. Some of her friends tried
to persuade her to go clubbing with them but she just couldn't face it.
Her face was frozen, locked in a manic smile. She was desperate not to
reveal to them all what the true meaning of this evening had meant to
her. The disappointment was just too much. How could she have been so
stupid to expect a proposal? Broken-hearted, Alice climbed into a
waiting taxi with her mother and sobbed mascara all over her mother's
brand new, pale green dress.

Because Alice loved Tim she kept on waiting. Another year went by.
Then, Pamela, the first of her friends got married.

"She only met him twelve months ago," Alice wailed to her mother.

It was a difficult day for Alice. She was happy for her friend, of
course she was, it was just that &;#8230;well she had expected to be
married herself by now. She kept dashing off to the Powder Room at the
Wedding Reception to sit on the loo and lean her forehead against the
toilet roll dispenser, trying not to cry because it would ruin her
make-up. She missed most of the speeches.

"Have you got a wee infection or something?" Tim had hissed at her when
she got up from the table for a fourth time. Stupid Bastard! Alice had
thought to herself (which wasn't like her) Insensitive git! He didn't
have a clue. And when Tim had told Pamela's new husband that he was a
very lucky man, Alice had felt an overwhelming desire to punch him on
the nose. Fortunately, she controlled herself.

Then another friend got married, and another. It seemed to be the year
for weddings. Seven in all. Seven little white and gold embossed
wedding invitations dropping onto Alice's doormat like rocks in her
heart. Tim's cousin, Jeremy, was next. Tim was Best Man.

Of course, the big question on everyone's lips was, "When are you two
going to tie the knot then."

Anxiously Alice waited to see how Tim would reply. She was
ever-hopeful, he only ever said,

"We'll see."

Before too long, they were being invited to christenings. Everyone kept
asking them the same old question but Tim never popped one on
Alice.

When she was 30, Alice decided it was time to move out of her mother's
house. She made the decision to look for a little flat of her own. Her
mother said it might be just the thing to prompt Tim into proposing.
Instead, he seemed genuinely pleased for her, traipsing around Estate
Agents with her on rainy Sundays, accompanying her to view unlovable
little apartments, most of them way beyond her means. Besides, her
heart wasn't in it. She'd hoped all along that Tim might invite her to
move in with him instead.

She wanted to shout at Tim, tell him how she was feeling, ask him why?
What was wrong with her? Didn't he want to marry her? But she was too
proud. She said nothing, she just kept on waiting. Surely it couldn't
be much longer.

By the time she was 33, Alice had finally given up all hope of ever
getting married. She had grown weary of waiting, wondering, hoping. She
felt sure that her friends were either laughing at her or feeling sorry
for her. She didn't know which was worse. Most of her friends had got
married - ok so some had got divorced too, but at least they had the
respectable title of Divorcee. At least someone had wanted to love,
honour and obey them., if only for a short time. Some of them even had
children. Alice was Godmother to Pamela's latest arrival and when she
held her friend's precious little bundle she was starkly aware of her
own biological clock ticking away for all it was worth.

Old spinster Alice, she thought bitterly to herself.

"Alice?" her husband's voice catapulted her back to the present time
and amazingly she was lying on the bed beside her gorgeous new husband
on their honeymoon and it most certainly was not a dream. "You were
day-dreaming, Mrs Phillips" he teased, pulling her close for a long,
lingering kiss.

Flushing slightly, she pushed her hair back from her face. Oh, how she
loved her new name. Mrs Phillips. She liked the sound of it very much
indeed. Mrs Daniel Phillips. Was that really her now?

Of course, she was sorry she had hurt Tim so much. As she had embarked
on her affair with Daniel, she had consoled herself with the thought
that Tim had never really loved her, but his reaction to the news that
she was going off and marrying another man had shocked her
considerably. He had paled visibly. Stunned, he couldn't take in what
she was telling him, something about an office romance, whirlwind
affair, proposal, getting married next Saturday. He actually looked as
though he might cry.

She had called around the weekend before her wedding to find him eating
toast with a hangover. At first he had laughed, believing it to be a
joke, but the seriousness of her expression had sobered him up. His
face had crumpled in dismay, a piece of toast turning to cardboard in
his mouth so that he did not have the desire to chew on it anymore.
Eventually, he swallowed it in one large gulp.

"Who, where?" he had ranted once the news and sunk in and he was "I'll
kill him. I'll turn up and stop it. I'll ruin everything."

"It could have been you, Tim" Alice accused, waving her hand in the air
with a dismissive gesture and cruelly wanting him to see the ring that
she had been hiding from him until today, wanting him to feel the
humiliation she had felt all these years. He still had a chance, if
only he knew it. She counted to 20 in her head. She expected him to say
the words any moment now. She longed for him to say them. Surely this
was the wake-up call he needed.

Tim missed the point, and missed his chance. Alice stood up to leave,
heading for the door without looking back.

"Alice, why?" he called after all, as if he didn't know.

"I grew tired of waiting," was her reply.