Life is a Book of Apologies
By Bee
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It's all at once important to be tidy -
the sudden uncluttering long intended becomes
urgent at the finale, like ousting undies
carelessly kicked to hiding, mugs,
on the bedside chest, their congealing contents
thickened to cement - poor plaque sickened
vessels beg to be de-scaled and disinfected entirely.
Long distant friend for whom my voice has become
more novelty than necessity feigns interest
in attempts to disguise embarrassment
in the silence that follows incongruous declarations
of affection and thanks for past deeds of kindness -
coughing off obligatory apologies.
Must be said, though - unfinished business is ...
That treasured watch - you want it? My diamond ring -
it's yours, honestly. No more moody me - suddenly
not sullen, but uncharacteristically positive
and inexplicably happy - think - Thank Goodness!
Then there's the note - and a certain amount of planning
is involved, like the where, and when? Wondering who
might walk in? First footing friend, I'm trying to minimise
the shock. I never considered the details before -
suppose I imagined no one bothered about etiquette
at a time like this, but it seems to matter after all.
Tomorrow, of course, I'll be without a care
in the world. All that'll be left is this piece of paper;
another sorry of sorts - meaningless in a way,
but necessary in order to correctly close the last chapter.
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Comments
Hi Bee
Hi Bee
How sensible you are. Organised and tidy, but I hope this doesn't mean that you are less than positive and hopeful in your outlook about your current problems. If you are thinking what I think you might be thinking, I hope you will think again. But whatever you are thinking, this is another of your very good poems. Please keep writing them.
Jean
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this is the problem when you
this is the problem when you've written (such good) autobiographical stuff Bee. There will be a flurry of heart stopping moments until we all come to the disclaimer you just wrote for Jean
As for the poem - yes, the tone is very believable, as you might already have realised! The reasoning which isn't at all reasonable, but which they completely believe to be is very familiar
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Very deep, Bee, but also a
Very deep, Bee, but also a frightening thought.
Luigi x
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A tragic read Bee, I can only
A tragic read Bee, I can only echo the others comments.
Jenny.
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The antibiotic tee full of
The antibiotic tea full of mould, the apologetic phonecall, the up before the down - seemingly unrelated until the close. Very well done. We (collectively) join the dots post suicide. A very true piece that does much deeper work than apologies.
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