Once, We Were Runners

Cherry

By Bee

Sun, 18 Jan 2015
  • 4223 reads
13 comments
 

Once, we were runners with rain on our tongues
as our feet freely circled the air. 
With the sun on our backs, no one could catch us 
to put out the fires that burned in the flight of our hair. 

We'd drop like drunks as we slunk hands and knees
through the welcome front door of our flat
to revive on cheap wine; fine at the time,
then we'd laugh till we cried to the floor and pass out.

Once, you sat down without making a sound, but I
spun like a top while you watched from a comfortable chair. 
Out of control, I stumbled and rolled in the cold and I called 
you to catch me but you were not there -

Not there, and not there, but I no longer cared; how could I see myself
high and so dry, so close to the sky, alone, all alone?
But then you came back, wearing sensible black, and you asked me to leave -
I grieved, but I went and I shouldn't have gone.

I couldn't come back, all the locks had been changed
and another girl, younger and fitter, now slept in my bed
with her head on my pillow, hair like a willow cascading, 
and both of you sleeping together and probably wishing me dead.

Once, we were lovers and runners for fun
but we no longer love one another, or run any more -
we walk, but don't talk with our stiff upper lips, our laces are done
but there's mud on our shoes, and our feet and our hearts are too sore.

Certificate PG
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

The painful end of love, your poem captures that disorientation and hurt when a relationship that was once thriving comes to an end.  So sad and so familiar.

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Philip. 

Bee

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

this felt quite epic bee, i loved the lyricism of the once we were runners- lines, the small moments of repetition throughout and the line put out the fires that burned in the flight of our hair against (later) her head on my pillow, hair like a willow cascading. i dont know much about poetry, certainly technically, but it felt reading it as if there were a few ideas coming together (eg.repetition, lyricism), trying different things that worked well. some parts i could almost picture as a folk song 

 

Submitted by Bee on

I guess it could be a bit folk songy. Words are fun, aren't they? Thank you for noticing the details, Stephen. That's very much appreciated. 

Bee

Submitted by Geoff Smith on

I liked the narrative here. The dense internal rhymes and alliteration create some punchy rhythms and the metaphor of the running with wear and tear of experience is an interesting  one. I think this is a poem that would sound really good being read if that makes sense. Thanks Bee.

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks so much, Geoff. Yes, I did write it more as a performance thing, and it works best like that because reading aloud, you can emphasise the stresses in the places you want  them in what are actually ridiculously long and slightly silly lines, I think, whilst keeping the rhythm. 

Thank you for taking the time to review. I'm really pleased you like it. 

Bee

Submitted by Bee on

Dear editor,

thanks for the cherries. 

Bee

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Bee loved this...most of all its musicality, and the title litle line itself, a poignancy of its own.

Very much enjoyed, and the cherries richly deserved.

Tina

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Tina.

Bee

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Bee

As usual, a lovely poem, with all your talent on show. I like it when you tell a story, and even though it often ends in sadness, it is good to do the journey.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Jean. I guess the journey is the important part when the ending is unsatisfactory. 

Bee

Submitted by VeraClark on

I return from the newborn world and find you have written so much I don't know where to start. Picked this from list with closed eyes and so pleased I did. We are all shoes and we all run out of steam, some shoes I grieve for. Others I take to the charity shop. Have decided barefoot is definitely best. A lovely piece.

 

 

Submitted by Bee on

I like your 'shoes' comment. Re - so much writing, you are right - it's too much and I'm going to stop it very soon. Thanks so much for closing your eyes and picking one of mine - glad you liked it. Barefoot's great, provided you tread carefully, something I am less and less inclined to do. 

Glad you are back. 

Bee