Robots guide to the pointless01

This is my guide to all robots, containing bizarre stories and useful information in a simple equation: 23 * 100 ' 30. But since carbon based life forms are reading this I've got to explain it in their so called 'English.' Bear with my empathises for I am the 'sarcastic' kind of robot. Anyway, first things first, I've got to clarify something the two robots of 'star wars' CP3O and R2D2 are not gay. In fact CP3O is anorexic while R2D2 is obese. Now to get to the guide. Most things I found 30% annoying are carbon based creature intelligence, its just well¦ annoying. I was once travelling a planet and I saw a pointless sign saying ,'caution this is the only sign with sharp edges do not touch.'
A more interesting story related to a servant bot and a man. One day the man was bored, so he asked his servant bot what he could do. The servant bot replied, 'Get off your arse and do something fun'. Immediately he jumped off a cliff and forgot to bring a parachute. His family said it was horrible to see, while his servant bot said it was rather like a splat. Moral of the story, do not advise dumb creatures to do something 'fun'. Another tip is to be depressed so humans don't annoy you, otherwise they'll treat you as bull in a matador ring. One symptom of this type of annoyance is they'll taunt you with parts you don't have e.g. penis. Now this part of the guide is where my dictionary pops up whenever I say something 'complicated'

'Penis'
'A man's reproductive system that gives pleasure when having intercourse. It is also very delicate, if you don't believe me try yanking one and see how hard the man cries.'

Now that my introduction is done, you can read my story. If it's too boring to read go and sit on your couch and make your dusty cocoon and emerge as a couch potato.

Ahh the good days or not, my, or our, luxury ship was passing manure nebula 5-smellyness is guaranteed-. I sat at my couch drinking my boiling oil until Jeff walked in. He stared at me, rubbed his beard then scratched his bum.
'Uncivilized modern apes,' I muttered.
'Hey, I made you!' he shouted
'No actually Vorgens from the planet Soldinese made me. Then you bought me at a shop because I can help you put your socks on.'

He silenced and he walked to the coffee machine. I picked up the digital news paper, it said 'Hitler's brain preserved, being auctioned at earth's auctionarium'
What a shame, I thought; they're going to lose the brain anyway.
'Hey Robert can you turn on Cog,' said Jeff
Now yes if you're wondering my name is Robert, don't make fun of it. I'm being serious, I now where you live! I moved to a computer panel flicked a switch and a large object loomed out the of chrome door next to me.
Its many guns pointed at my face. It had a gleaming shell on its body that blinded Jeff, its speaker announced, 'Hi I'm Cog and I'll be your cleaner'
Silly Cog, thing always forgot his primary function; a battle droid.

'Battle Droid'

'A offensive and defensive droid. They are intelligent,(except cog) ruthless(except cog) and powerful(you guessed it, except cog).'

Cog stamped towards the couch and unloaded his Death-is-guaranteed gun, he vaporized the couch.
'I have cleaned your gluteus maxamus rester,' Cog said.

I find the many dismals of space annoying. But its worse when a space wanker whams your ship, just like what happened.