Fly the Friendly Skies

Fly the Friendly Skies

Fiction

Copyright 2013 by

Bill Rayburn

What: Job interview for ticket counter clerk for British Airlines

Where: Heathrow Airport, London, England

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After brief introductions, and declining the offer of a libation, my interviewer’s opening gambit consisted of the following:

“If you are subject to verbal abuse, you are simply to take it, to absorb it. No questions asked. You are to deflect as best you can, to swallow both your tongue and your pride, and to make valiant, noble attempts to steer the conversation, no matter at what volume and level of vitriol it is currently being held, to more benign subject matter or, ideally, to a solution-based idea to their particular problem.

“Should the matter escalate in an unfortunate direction, i.e. become physical in nature, your only option, and I cannot stress this enough, your ONLY choice of response is to exhibit restraint. You are not required or, more importantly, allowed to defend yourself. If you need to have the difference between the two demonstrated, we will gladly do so. Restraint involves defusing the dynamics, de-escalating the mood to one of commiseration and not confrontation; whereas defending yourself has only the unsophisticated goal of decommissioning your opponent. We do not permit that form of response. Is this clear?”

I nodded my head, resisting the urge to shake it from side-to-side in disbelief.

I imagined how this type of policy would go over in America. It wouldn’t, I surmised. Americans were much better at giving, rather than keeping, a stiff upper lip. We only turned the other cheek in order to evade a blow. This unique approach put forth by my staid British potential employer was not improper, or even impossible. It was merely delineating for me another distinction when considering the cultural differences between the two countries.

I got the job.

The first day, an angry American from New York, in response to his flight being cancelled out of Heathrow, threw his soft drink in my face.

I vaulted the counter and beat him senseless.

In my defense he was, in effect, ‘restrained’ on the gurney as he was carted off to hospital.

Maybe they’re hiring at Sainsburys.