Amanda

 

I go to the window with my eyes closed
Stay there

Breathe deeply

Or am I sighing?

I don’t know

It doesn’t matter

My eyes are still closed. 

 

Boom! I open them

No Mini

No beautiful woman

Just cars and a cat

Hiding under an old Fiesta

Looking up at me 

Like the worst teacher saying

‘Even when I’m here 

in the soaking wet

And you’re up there

Behind that window

I still look in better shape. 

Oh 

And by the way...

She’s not here

So why don’t you just 

Close your eyes’.

 

I go to make tea

Switch on the kettle 

Imagining that if I do it in 

a certain way

Just like that

Or maybe like that

She’ll call and tell me

It’s over 

or

Everything’s fine 

or

I love you

or

I’m coming. 

 

Nothing 

but a blue light. 

 

Rain bashes into the window

A gutsy gust throws dead

leaves from trees 

That fall face down on top 

Of one another

Waiting to be squelched

By kids and prams.

 

A man treads on one

tries to hide

Throwing a mask away

While a woman holds her head

To stop her hat from flying off

 

Bad boys always look stupid

In the rain and 

Words on a page look like 

Hieroglyphics

And even that reminds me of her

My Welsh Egyptian beauty but...

Nothing and nobody speaks to me

Not even that deviant sex 

Obsessed bukowski. 

 

I close my eyes and 

I can see her 

In bed

Her hand rested on her chin

Maybe she’s thinking about me

Or maybe she’s sleeping. 

If she’s asleep 

Then what on earth am I 

Doing awake?

 

Only time can lick our wounds

No stroking

No kissing

Nothing

Just time

And rain 

And gutsy gusts 

playing havoc with hats

And shopping bags

And masks

And bad boys. 

 

I go to the window with my eyes closed