Nothing is too good to be true

I always worry that someone will enter my room unannounced
when I’m kneeling at my bed in prayer
that they’ll see me and cough and say sorry and leave quietly
followed moments later by raucous, unkind laughter downstairs.

Prayer helps me every single time otherwise I wouldn’t do it
so why do I compare it with being caught riding a whore
or on the loo mid-wipe or with my hand in the till or having a wank?

If I don’t pray I’m pretty sure I’ll die a very ugly death
probably face down in a pile of puke
so why should I care if people think it’s a crazy cop-out
when they know the madness is tucked away in disbelief?

Once when I was deep in prayer
a swirling orangey yellow light filled my room
but it was just a rubbish truck on the street.