The Ditto Machines

It gets your voice just right,
the way you describe the hairlines
of your colleagues.
It paddles in its sleep, like you,
it sighs in the street.
It is excellent at quiz team names
(last week The Ditto Machines.)
We came third and it didn't eat
any of the Jelly Babies we won
because, just like you, it is vegan.
It's got you down pat.
It does you perfect.
I made it out of brown paper,
vinegar and the passport photos
that you didn't want because they
made you look like a mental.
You woke us up last night
when you were drunk as all hell,
yelling through the letterbox.
It had agreed to an early night,
which was out of character,
after we watched a documentary
entitled: The Dyslexia Myth.