What can we expect of our partners?

What can we expect of our partners
now we know that love
can be easily induced
with a nasal spray?

Not much, my friends, not much.

Up until now, it has only been a lack
of broadband and a decent deli
that has kept love so central
to our lives. Old World people
had nothing better to do.

I am, as you say, the Go-To Man
on this. I have not been in love
in many years. I can tell you
for sure that overcooking asparagus,
for me, knocks heartbreak
into a cocked hat
in terms of shock and weepies.
Even when I am not
pilling off my face,
to use popular parlance,
I often say that I love Google.
This is more than I can say
about most of my friends.

And so to the nasal spray.
Snifters of lust and empathy.
No-one suspects
that my heart
is a cold hard stone.