What my friends are thinking

I would like people to think
that I am great. This is not to say
that I am not great, far from it, just that I've always
believed that truly great people are great
because they don't know any better,
by that I mean that they're not calculating

how to appear great in any given situation. Calculating
people give out copies of W.G. Sebald's Rings of Saturn and think
that the person receiving the gift will think better
of them, and after reading it they will say
"Joe ' it was beautiful, I mean, he's like the great
grandfather I never had. He even made Suffolk interesting. I always

give Rings of Saturn as a gift, sometimes even to boys. "Always
is too much. I have given it twice, if I'm calculating
honestly. Once to a girl who thought I was great
for about a month until she suspected, correctly, that I think
I am more interesting than her. If I say
that the boy I gave it to was far better

at football than me, then I think you understand. Better
to be left for dead on the right wing, always
knowing that the boy who embarrassed you, let's say
his name is Luke, has this book in his bedroom, I'm calculating
that he won't have sold it because he thinks,
nay hopes that one day he might read it, this great

and clever book that was given him by his friend who is not great
at football but by God, he's got a wopping brain and ultimately it's better
to have a big brain than to be almost semi-pro. I think
that great people do not have these sorts of thoughts. I always
keep my mauled copy of the book somewhere half-inconspicuous, calculating
the sort of spot where guests will see it, sure, but they will not say

to themselves, I bet Joe put that there so I see it. More likely, they'll say,
huh, such a clever book just lying there next to his football boots. It is great
to know someone like Joe who is clever but doesn't rub your face in it. Calculating
people are some of the worst people who exist. This poem is better
for it's honesty. Even when I admit all this stuff, at least my friends can always
fall back on my honesty. He thinks

too much, they think. Best not say
anything about that sestina. He'll always be great
to us, better than great, more like excellent. Or this is what I'm calculating.