B is for Wedding Day

Dudley had never been in favour of bigamy.

"I know it's wrong," he told his best man Mervyn, as they waited at the entrance to the church. "But . . "

Mervyn closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear this.

"Listen mate," said Dudley. "I'm sorry you feel like that about it, but what was I to do?"

"You could have told her no," said Mervyn. "You knew she was already married."

Late guests filing into the small church by the river paused to smile at the two men before hurrying in to join the congregation. It was a picturesque little building, even if the internal acoustics were poor.

An angry look appeared on Dudley's unshaven face. "You know what she's like. For heaven's sake you've been married to her these past 12 years. Once she gets an idea, there's no stopping her."

This was more than Mervyn could bear. "I expected better of you, Dud. You and I have been mates since we were four. I saved your life in the fire. Remember? I pulled you out of that burning school, when even the firemen refused to go in. And this is how you repay me. Six years I was in a coma after that."

Dudley looked ucomfortable. "Hey, I'd forgotten about that. In case I never mentioned it at the time . . . nice one." His tone became more confident. "Here, I've got something for you. I want you to accept this as a late thanks-for-saving-my-life gift."

He reached into his pocket and produced a CD. "Go on, take it. Enjoy."

With reluctance Mervyn accepted the gift and examined it. Eventually he said, "This is a trial membership disk for AOL."

The groom made no attempt to hide his fury. "You've never learned how to accept a gift graciously, have you. No wonder she's sick of you. No wonder she's decided to take a second husband. Someone who can meet her physical needs and who doesn't keep dressing up like a ballerina.

"That's right turn away. You can't face the truth can you. She's a demanding woman and you're unable to satisfy her. Face it mate, you're lucky she hasn't divorced you. You're lucky---"

He was interrupted by a loud cough.

In the doorway stood the vicar looking anxious. "Guys, guys, keep it down will you." He pointed to the lapel radio mikes both men were wearing. "You're drowning out the organist."

For the groom this was the last straw. He took a deep breath, then angled his head so his mouth was close to the microphone. "OK listen everyone, I understand you can hear me loud and clear. Well I want you to know that Merv Goodman here, my best man and so-called best friend, is a flaming liar. That's right. A pathological flaming liar.

"Contrary to what you might have heard just now, I know for a fact that after he pulled me out of the burning school he was only in a coma for five years."

MORAL OF THE STORY
Always check your facts.