The Medium Snooze - Chapter 13

Chapter 13 : Showdown at Wiggies.

“Hello ?”

The voice at the other end was deep and didn’t sound like they were about to give out any more information than that.

“Hi, is that Frederick ? My name is Pincher, Ernie Pincher I was given this number as a contact.”

“Ah yes, Mr. Pincher. Yes this is Frederick. You were concerned about some er... how shall we say... activities in the hedge, yes ?”

“Yeah, you could call them that. Did you find any information ?”

Activities. Half of the bars in the hedge scared half to death apparently rated as an activity, I wouldn’t like to see what these guys did for a hobby.

“Well, I’m not at liberty to discuss specifics Mr. Pincher but there was a small incident of that sort of nature around that time. An individual, whose name I won’t mention, overstepped their managerial concerns and tried to raise some extra funds. The situation was soon brought under control and the individual was suitably reprimanded.”

“Reprimanded ?”

“Yes.”

“What do you mean by reprimanded ?”

“I’m not really sure I should be discussing the disciplinary measures with you Mr. Pincher.” This was going nowhere, time for the direct approach.

“Did you have him bumped off ?”

“Sorry ?”

“Bumped off ? Taken out ? Snuffed ? Is he sleeping with the tadpoles ? Did you have him killed ?”

“Goodness no.” He sounded shocked. I’d actually managed to shock a Mafia goon. I quickly realised this was not one of their heavies I was talking to, more likely a clerk or some accountant type.

“It was a fairly minor infringement, in years past he may have been rewarded for his initiative but with politics the way they are... well he was demoted.”

“Far ?”

“Not really, just a token gesture so that others might learn from his error.”

The language he was using was definitely different than the usual trash talk that the Mafia troops came out with. I’d originally been wrong footed by the deep, harsh voice but now I figured I was talking to a frog, and all frogs had power so I needed to be careful with my next question.

“This individual ? Would his name be Walter Rabiner ?”

Silence.

“Hello ?”

Still silence.

“Hellooo ?”

“Where did you get that name ?” Confused, definitely confused you could hear it in the voice.

“I got my sources. Was that the guy or not ?”

“Well... erm... yes it was, but I don’t really think that...”

“Can you give me his number ?” I interrupted Frederick, in my experience it’s usually best, once folk are confused, not to give them time to recover.

“Ummm... I suppose so. I doubt he has anything to do with the business your currently supposed to be looking at though. He didn’t appear very umm... bright, from our investigations.”

“Yeah well, it’s always good to tie up the loose ends and maybe he can point me in the right direction.”

The voice at the other end managed a short laugh.

“Well according to the file notes I have he may just have the brain capacity to point but I wouldn’t expect any directions.”

There was a click and a long pause, I was being transferred, shortly afterwards there was a ring and then another voice.

“Hello ?”

“Hello, is that Walter Rabiner ?”

“Yeah, who is this ?”

“Is this line clean ?”

“What the hell are you talking about ? Of course it’s clean who the DDT are you ?”

Well he was nice and mad already, half the work was done now I just to get him worried and curious.

“My name is Pincher, Ernie Pincher. And unless I’m very much mistaken you know exactly who I am.”

“I may do.”

Slip up there from old Walt, somebody in his position (and whatever that was it was obviously something senior) shouldn’t have heard of a P.E. like me unless I’d been involved in some scheme of his. And nothing I’d been doing recently was good for pond business.

“Well Walter, how can I put this ? You’re in deep water aren’t you ? And I’m not talking about your office space.”

Bait the hook.

“I don’t know what your talking about.”

“How about assassination ? How about stag death squads ? How about you not following orders from your bosses ? Who I might add are rather concerned about current events and I have been having personal chats with. How about a garden war ?”

Cast the line.

“Look Pincher I don’t know what you’ve been drinking but you’ve obviously had too much.”

“Well Ok let’s take this slowly then. You ran an unsanctioned bar protection racket until you got caught. Problem was your employers were cutting back and as good an idea as that was for them it kinda left you with not much to do. So being the enterprising little bug you are you decided to trigger off a conflict that would keep the pond and hive fighting for years. You hassled a hive rising star by the name of Samuel Maybrook who just happened to own a bar in pond territory. You hassled him to the point of him calling for aid from the hive, except that you’d already bribed his contact, a sleaze by the name of David Clawson, so when Sammy called for help what he got were two spiders under your pay. Now all you had to do was kill Sammy, you leave enough clues around to point to a pond contractor, who you later kill to keep quiet. The hive blames the pond and retaliates, the pond can’t be seen to be weak, even if it is retreating so they retaliate and pretty soon there’s a war going on. How’s that ?”

Dangle the lure. I knew that wasn’t the whole tale and I wasn’t entirely sure about some of the finer points but I was hoping it was enough.

“Rubbish. You’ve got a wonderful imagination Mr. Pincher.”

“Yeah ? Well I hope for your sake the Frogfather sees it that way. I mean I’m sure if all this is fantasy that he wouldn’t get rid of you just in case would he ?”

Wait for the bite.

“Even if it were true, which it isn’t. Why would the Frogfather believe a lowlife like you ?”

“Ahhhh.... You mean without proof ? Like, without two pissed off orb weavers who don’t like the fact they may have been hired by spider killers ? Like a scumbag ‘wig who’s so scared out of his wits that he’ll say almost anything given the right motivation ? That kinda thing ? I think I might know where I can get my pincers on some of that.”

Pause. A really long pause. Not one that I was going to interrupt though.

“What do you want Pincher ?”

And reel ‘em in.

“Oh I don’t know, what does everyone want ? Grubs might be a nice start though.”

“You trying to blackmail me Pincher ?”

“Trying ? I thought I was doing a damn sight better than trying Walter.”

“Ok, how much ?”

“Well why don’t we meet to discuss it ? Say my uncle’s bar, Wiggies, in the hedge, ask around I'm sure someone as well informed of you can find someone that knows where it is, tomorrow ? How does half past two sound ?”

“In the afternoon ?”

“Sure in the afternoon. There’s no need to be uncivilised about all of this. No point sneaking around in the dead of night when there’s no need now is there ?”

“Ok.”

I hung up. He was hooked, all I needed to do now was land the sucker.

“How did it go ?”

Alice stood in the doorway looking at me expectedly.

“Pretty good I think.”

“Do I need to pick out something particularly vicious ?” She smiled.

“Oh I should think so. Anything stag proof would probably be handy.”

We smiled at each other briefly despite the fact that we were wrapping ourselves up into what was fast becoming a very complicated suicide pact. I emptied the glass in front of me and picked up the receiver. I had a lot of calls to make before tomorrow afternoon.

Monday 17th July 2pm: Rabiner arrived early. It’s a standard trick, show up early, catch the opposition off guard and maybe even set up an ambush if you get there before they do. Of course he was never going to ambush us in Wiggies and we’d been ready for the past hour. Alice, Unc, the two orb weavers and myself sat at one side of a large chestnut table set in the middle of the floor, we’d cleared the room so that all the rest were back against the far wall behind us. Rabiner looked at us and grunted.

“Who are your friends Pincher ?”

The question was obviously directed squarely at me and not Unc, the only other 'wig in the room. Rabiner knew who I was but I didn’t recognise him. He was a water beetle, you don't see many on land so I'd have remembered him had we crossed paths.

“This is my uncle Harry, he owns the place, this is Alice, she’s my assistant and these are erm... two interested parties that I believe you’ve met before. I’m sorry I don’t actually know their names.”

“That’s right. You don’t.” One of the spiders grinned back at me. I suddenly had the thought that it might have been a good idea to check into these two a bit more than I had. I was assuming that they weren’t working for the pond any more but hadn’t actually checked. If they were still on Rabiner’s payroll this was all going to be over real quick.

“And who are your friends ?” I gestured to the nine large stag beetles stood behind him.

“Business associates.” He smiled “They’re here to help advise me in our negotiations.”

“That’s nice.”

“Listen Pincher, I ain’t got all day here let’s get this over with.”

“Fine by me.” Rabiner hadn’t sat down, he stood halfway into the room. “Take a seat.”

“I’ll stand.” He replied, although he and the stags did take a couple of steps forward.

“Right, your choice. Now as I see it you’re responsible for Samuel Maybrooks execution, right ? And once you’d got Lars Bendelbee and your friends here to kill Sammy then you had Bendelbee killed right ?”

“Look we’ve been through all of this, what do you want Pincher ?”

“Humour me ok ? I want to clear a few things up. My two eight legged friends here didn’t have any part in either of the killings right ? And the pond hierarchy hadn’t sanctioned any of this so you were acting on your own ?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was my idea. So what ?”

“Why Sammy ?”

“You know why.”

“Well I know you wanted to start off a war between the pond and hive, but why Sammy specifically ? There are plenty of other bugs that would have worked just as well.”

“I tossed a coin. What does it matter ?” Rabiner was getting edgy, I wondered how much more I could get out of him before he set the stags loose.

“Professional curiosity.” I lied.

“I had my reasons and I got no reason to tell them to you.”

“Ok, now just for the benefit of our spider friends here, it was you behind the protection scam in the hedge wasn’t it ? I mean, you had Bendelbee or Cervus or whatever he was calling himself actually do it but it was you behind it all ?”

“Yeah. It was me, nice little earner except for this damn truce crap.”

“So I presume it was you that had Gerald Spindler killed ?”

I could feel the spider nearest to me tense as I asked the question. I was hoping these guys remembered the plan and didn’t do anything stupid.

“Yeah, I enjoyed that one, stupid punk. He was giving us all this trouble, thought he was special just ‘cause he was a freakin’ spider, well my boys showed him just what happens when you push me too far.”

Having nine stag beetles backing him up was doing wonders for Rabiner’s confidence. Even in the presence of two venom dripping orb weavers he was confident enough to brag about spider killing. In his position I’d probably feel just as sure.

“Now for my fee, to insure none of this gets back to the pond, I feel everyone sat at this table deserves a reasonable fee. After all we’ve all suffered because of....”

“Suffered ? You’re about to suffer a whole lot more.”

Well I wondered how long all of this was going to last and I think I’d just found Rabiner’s limit, with the stags starting to circle menacingly I decided this had gone far enough.

“That enough for you 3267 ?” I shouted to the bar. From behind the bar Sgt. 3267 stood up with two of his ‘Arthurs’, he gave the whole scene a quick sweep with his antenna and I swear he almost smiled.

“Oh yeah. That will be plenty. Walter Rabiner you are under arrest for...”

I never did find out what 3267 was about to arrest him for because at that moment Rabiner decided negotiations were definitely through.

“Take ‘em apart boys. I wanna swim in ‘wig juice before we’re through here.”

Six of the stags immediately advanced on us, while two others headed for 3267 and his ants, the ninth stayed with Rabiner. Six stags versus two spiders, two earwigs and a ladybird weren’t good odds, the spiders could handle a stag a piece, maybe two but the rest of us were simply too small to go one on one. Of course I’d be a damn lousy P.E. to get ambushed in my own uncle’s bar. As soon as the stags advanced the rest of 3267’s squad appeared, pouring out of side doors and from behind the bar.

One stag reached us before the ant tide hit, I glanced sideways for help from the spiders but they’d already jumped over the table and were making moves on some of the other stags, trying to get to Rabiner.

The stag attacking us lunged from the far side of the table, I jerked backwards just in time to avoid getting sliced in half by his pincers and his head landed with a thud on the table. Unc and Alice both dived for his head trying to pin him down but he was too strong and lifted them both into the air, shaking his head side to side to get them loose. With both Alice and Unc clinging on for dear life I managed to swing my tail round and catch the underside of the stag’s jaw. It hardly had an effect other than to make him really mad. With a vicious flick to his right he managed to break loose of Unc and send him flying through the air to land awkwardly on the floor, Alice was still hanging on but not having much effect.

“He’s armoured Ernie, go for his eyes.” Yelled Alice. She’d squirmed into a position where she could take a bite out of one of the stag’s antenna. The stag roared in pain as Alice sank her teeth into it, that was my chance, taking her advice I swung for his right eye. This time I was rewarded with a pleasing wet sound as my pincer found flesh, the pain gave the stag new strength, more than enough to dislodge a troublesome ladybird and Alice was thrown to the floor. In a straight fight I’d have been dead there but we’d bought ourselves enough time, before he could attack me the stag found himself under assault from the ants. Dozens of them. They hit him from three side simultaneously only the table in front of him preventing it from being four. I saw him slice clean through one in a downwards stroke and it wasn’t the only one, the floor of Wiggies was littered with dead and wounded ants, ants missing limbs, ants missing heads, but through sheer weight of numbers the ants were taking the stags down.

I picked Alice up off the floor.

“You alright ?”

“Yeah for now. At least we don’t have to worry about him any more.” She gestured to the stag that had just attacked us, still squirming away he had been pinned down by hordes of ants, half trying to read him his rights and half trying to chew bits out of him.

Looking around I saw Unc was getting shakily to his feet but seemed unharmed and out of immediate danger. The two stags that had rushed the bar had been the first to be overwhelmed and by the amount of blood on the floor at least one of them wasn’t going to be answering any questions. Rabiner had backed off towards the door taking with him the last two of his stags that weren’t buried under mountains of ants, they were intent on shielding him from all comers. They appeared to be holding their own against the ants trying to get to him and weren’t far from the door.

“Give it up Rabiner.” I shouted “You can’t get away.”

“Ha.” He laughed “You gonna stop me Pincher ?”

“No. But they will.” I pointed to the two orb weavers who were closing in on the group, I’d noticed they’d made their way through the melee and I wouldn’t bet against the two stags lying face up having something to do with them.

One of the orb weavers attacked from Rabiner’s right, lunging at the nearest stag. The stag was already hard pressed to keep the ants occupied now with a spider as well he was always in trouble, sensing trouble the other moved around to help trying to counter the spider’s thrust and find an opening. This was of course exactly what the spiders wanted them to do, now there was a gap to the left of Rabiner and in a heartbeat it was filled with a large quantity of hairy, pissed off, venom touting arachnid. Rabiner had just enough time to look horrified before two large fangs sank into his neck, pumping venom into his blood stream. The second stag realising his mistake turned but it was too late, Rabiner kicked a couple of times before going still, it was quite a while before the orb weaver removed his fangs from Rabiner’s neck. The spider attack stunned the second stag long enough for the ants to overpower him and pin him to the floor, he was lucky, the other stag had been taken down by the first orb weaver when the attack on Rabiner distracted his friend and was now suspiciously still.

With the fight over I approached 3267.

“Well Pincher I’d have liked to take him in alive but... still...”

“Hey, when spiders get involved you’re lucky to have got any prisoners at all.”

Looking around I could see four piles of ants that looked like they had something living beneath them.

“At least it’s all over with now. We’ve got the guy behind it all and you’ve restored what little reputation you ever had.”

Something the Frogfather had said was bothering me.

“You think ?” I said in a low voice.

“What Pincher ? What now ?” 3267 sounded a little worried.

“Well just look at the guy.” I responded “He walked into here with a nine stag death squad, didn’t spot your ambush and confessed to everything like he was proud of it. The guy was a moron. I could have handed him a typed confession and he’d have signed it.”

“So ? Pond hit men ain’t known for their brains Pincher.”

“Exactly. This whole case was subtle, it was intricately worked through, it wasn’t thought up by some muscle head who walks around with death squads.”

“You think someone else is involved ?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure.”

“Come on Pincher. Don’t hold out on me.”

“Look I came through for you here didn’t I ? I just need some time to work this one through I’m not sure yet.”

3267 half turned but his eyes never left mine. “You’d better know what you’re doing Pincher.”

“Always do.” I lied.

As I stood watching 3267 organise his ants Unc appeared next to me, he’d twisted a couple of legs and was leaning heavily on Alice for support, a little heavier than was strictly necessary and obviously enjoying the attention he was getting.

“Jeese Ernie, I’m glad all that’s over with. I’m getting too old for this crap.” He was breathing

I smiled “Too old to be molesting my secretary anyway.”

Alice just smiled and Unc feigned shock. “What you’d deny your old uncle a bit of support and care ?”

“Just be careful, it’s not five minutes since she almost put down a stag, remember ?”

Unc. Straightened a little taking some of his weight off the leg draped around Alice’s shoulder.

“Hey how about I pour us all a drink ? I know it’s early but I think we deserve it.”

As tempted as I was by Unc’s offer my mind was on other things.

“Sorry Unc, I got somewhere else to be.”

“Nobody with enough brains to pull it off. Most of the top people in my organisation are frogs and they agree with me, most of the other positions we fill with bugs suited to the tasks. None of which require too much thought.”

That’s what the Frogfather had told me and it kept running round my head, nobody with any brains. From what I’d seen Walter had fitted that description completely. Sure he’d been the finger behind the trigger but someone else was the brains. The pond hierarchy was supposedly solid behind the Frogfather and the support were all of Walter’s calibre, the hive were victims here so who gained from all of this ? There was only one name I could come up with and I wasn't sure why they'd do it but it was the only explanation that added up and that’s why I was headed where I was and how I knew exactly who I needed to see.

02:35 PM : Five minutes after I was supposed to meet Rabiner and over half an hour since he’d actually shown up I was staring down a Harvestman, his buddy was curled up on the floor. Not that he’d given me any trouble, he hadn’t had time, it was just that I wanted to make sure I had their undivided attention.

“I suspect I’m probably expected.”

The Turfside bouncer looked down at his partner.

“Go straight in Mr. Pincher.”

Turfside was closed, it was quiet and deserted except for the lone figure propping up the bar, Melissa. I knew she was responsible, she’d been behind this all along, she was the reason I’d nearly been killed half a dozen times. It still didn’t make her look any less stunning.

“Well hello there Ernie, drink ?” She asked in an easy voice, I got the impression she wasn’t surprised to see me.

“No thanks, I’m not sure what would be in it.”

“Harsh Ernie, very harsh.”

“Considering the damage you’ve already done I wouldn’t have thought it out of order. I’ve just come from meeting with a friend of yours.”

“I don’t have any friends Ernie, but if you’re talking about Walter Rabiner then I knew you were due to meet him..” she glanced over at the clock on the wall “...five minutes ago. Well, you’ve been quick Ernie, you boys really didn’t have much to say to each other did you ?”

“Early start. But no we didn’t have much to say.”

She smiled that smile I’d seen the first time she’d walked into my office, it seemed colder and harder now, not that she was any less beautiful. It’s just that having stepped out of a insect bloodbath tends to bring things more into focus.

“Why Melissa ?”

“Why what ?”

“Why any of it ? Why try to start a garden war ? Why get your husband killed ? Why Rabiner ? But most of all why me ?”

Casually she downed her drink and poured out another one, I seem to be surrounded by dames with lead stomachs. Grabbing a glass she poured a second Bio from the same bottle and offered it to me.

“Here. It’s safe. It’s the same stuff I’m drinking and believe me kiddo this girl isn’t about to poison herself.”

Reluctantly I cross the room and took the glass, I could use a drink if the truth were told, I just wasn’t crazy about getting so close to the ex-Mrs Maybrook.

“You’re a smart boy Ernie I thought you’d have figured it out by now.”

“Well I pretty much figured Rabiner’s end of things but I don’t see what you get outta it.”

She stepped away from the bar spread her front legs and spun around on the spot.

“Look around you Ernie. Turfside. It’s mine.”

“You had it anyway.”

At first she laughed a little and then her look turned darker, drawing up closer to me than I was comfortable with she fixed me with a piercing stare.

“He was going to divorce me Ernie. The bastard. He’d found out I’d been sleeping with one of the bouncers and he was going to divorce me. I need to be loved Ernie. He never understood that, all he cared about were profits and power struggles. Well what about me ? huh ? Didn’t I matter ? He didn’t know that I knew, but I did.”

Melissa was obviously not on her second drink of the day.

“He was keeping me on while I was the star of the show, too valuable just to fire of course, but I knew he was looking for a replacement, he’d been oozing around some of the chorus line girls.”

Now there was an image I didn’t need.

“Ok so you were mad at Sammy. Starting a garden war seems a bit extreme.”

“You don’t get it do you ? Men. I don’t care about the hive or the pond or any of it, HE WAS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE.” She stopped shouting, put her head on the bar and closed her eyes for a while. When she opened them, she seemed calmer, took a long drink and continued. “I needed Sammy out of the way but I couldn’t just kill him, I’d lose the bar if anyone suspected me. Luckily being around Sammy I get to hear things and the biggest thing at the time was, of course, the frogs pulling out of the lawn. Not everyone was happy about this and that’s when I heard about Rabiner’s little scheme that had just been stopped.”

“The protection racket.”

“Yeah. He was obviously mad about the whole thing and I figured I could persuade him that it would be in his best interests if the pond and the hive weren’t such good friends and what better way to upset things than to kill the hive blue eyed boy, my husband.”

“And where do I fit in ?”

“Well Ernie, the problem was that I still felt that I needed a stronger alibi and who would suspect the loving wife who was so concerned for her husband’s safety that she’d gone out and hired a P.E. to look after him.”

“You weren’t worried I might interfere with the plan ?”

“Well I didn’t know quite how much of an idiot Rabiner was at that point and he told me of a clueless P.E. that had been running around trying to solve the protection scam. He said this guy was as much use as slug in a worm race.”

“Nice to see my reputation preceded me.” Fantastic now I’d been hired because of my rep as a chump. I wasn’t sure my ego could handle much more of this so I offered it a large glass of Bio to cheer it up. Melissa topped up my glass.

“Don’t take it so bad Ernie, Rabiner was a moron and you nearly spoilt everything.”

“Yeah ?” Why was I going for the sympathy vote from a psychotic millipede with a twisted mind, gorgeous body and hundreds of fabulous legs ? I couldn’t help thinking the answer was in the question somewhere.

“Bendelbee was supposed to kill Sammy the first time he brought the stags in, instead you managed to get hold of him and force the stags to leave. Stupid idiot even threatened Sammy before he left. Of course after this Sammy actually believed he was in danger and was all for getting hive protection. We had to organise the orb weavers pretty damn fast and hit Sammy quickly before either he found out they weren’t from the hive or they got bored.”

“So what was all that about the night of the murder ?”

“All what ?”

Sorry ego, but I need to ask the question and I don't think you'll like the answer.

“You and me.”

“What me calling you to my room ? Well part of it was just to get you out of the way. After your earlier performance I couldn’t be sure that, even with two orb weavers there, you wouldn’t manage to pull something off. Harry and Gerry were never going to be any trouble but you, my dear Ernie, were another matter.”

“Purely business huh ?” My ego was going to need a full bottle after this.

“Well...” Melissa smiled “...not entirely just business perhaps. You are a very handsome ‘wig Ernie and I am quite attracted to you. It’s all going to make killing you even harder.”

Did I hear that right ?

“Pardon ?”

“Killing you Ernie. I can’t let you live now I’ve told you all this.”

Apparently I did and suddenly she was towering above me, I’d forgotten just how big millipedes were but I was being given a graphic demonstration.

“Look killing me isn’t going to help you any. It’s over Melissa.”

“Why ? If you’d told the ants they’d be here by now. Rabiner wouldn’t have let himself be taken alive, so that’s that end wrapped up and no one else knows I was involved.”

“How are you going to explain my disappearance ?”

“To who ? Who’s going to ask Ernie ? I suspect no one knows you’re here and bugs go missing in the garden all the time.”

Once again maybe I could have planned this little episode a bit more thoroughly. I’d been convinced that Melissa had been the brains behind he killings but I hadn’t for one minute believed that she was capable of actually carrying one out. Now under a looming millipede shadow I wasn’t so sure. A large knife appeared in several of her hands and she closed in.

“Goodbye Ernie.”

The next few moments seemed to last hours. First Melissa closed in, then there was the dark shape flying through the air that landed, obscured from my view, in the middle of Melissa’s back. Melissa looking startled, then confused, then angry and finally up at me from the floor, as her head was neatly taken off at the shoulders and I was sprayed in millipede blood. In the space where Melissa’s head should have been was the grinning face of a certain employee of mine.

“Alice.” I stammered “What the hell are you doing here ?”

“Saving your thorax by the looks of things. I told you she was no good this one.”

Jumping down off the back of Melissa’s headless corpse, Alice walked over to me and poured herself a drink from the bar.

“After your moody exit I figured I’d better tag along to see what was going on. Good job I did isn’t it ? After all you’re my boss and I’ve got to look after my source of income. You wouldn’t believe how few openings there are for a combat hardened secretary.”

A big grin slowly spread over my face. “Come on Alice let’s get outta here.”

Carefully stepping over the unconscious bodies of two harvestmen we walked out onto the lawn and into the afternoon sun.

“How are things back at Unc’s ?” I asked.

“Well 3267 was clearing things up and had already started filling in reports. I suggested that if he wanted to avoid any misunderstandings between certain garden families that he should send a few copies off to the hive and pond.”

“What did he say ?”

“Well he’s an ant isn’t he ? The thought of filling out several more forms and the possibility of additional follow ups from the pond and hive along with avoiding a mafia war had him practically hugging himself. I gave him your contact names and suggested that he mentions your name a few times. That should score us a few points all round.”

“Well everything turned out just fine didn’t it ? Except that I think you just decapitated our client. How much did she owe us ?”

Alice looked pensive and then burst into a huge smile. “It’s ok Ernie, her estate will cover all our expenses and we’ll be fully paid up for the contract, which runs until the end of next month I believe.”

“I thought she cancelled that ?”

“Nope.”

“And I thought we were only contracted until the end of this month ?”

“That’s not what the contract says.”

“Isn’t it ?”

“Well it won’t do by the time the ants get hold of it.”

I put an arm around Alice as we set off back walking to the hedge.

“You know maybe Unc was right about you.” I mused.

“What was that ?”

“Oh nothing.”

“You know we’d get back a lot quicker if I flew us.”

“Let’s just enjoy the walk.”

END.