Love and curry (thoughts on happiness)

Love and curry: thoughts on happiness

by R. Eric Swanepoel

You want to be happy? Of course you do. Everyone does. Surely?

What is happiness? Happiness (euphoria) results from the stimulation of
your endorphin receptors. Granted, there's lots of complicated
biochemistry involved - dopamine, 5-hydroxytryptamine and so on - but
basically that's it: when your endorphin receptors are stimulated,
you're as happy as you can get.

So how do you attain this state? You have a choice between (1) raising
your own natural opiate levels (endorphins) or (2) taking an opiate
analgaesic.

(Well OK, those are not necessarily all the possibilities - you could
choose to be born autistic, if you believe the theory that autistics
have a surfeit of endorphins. They're always happy in their own tiny
worlds and have no need of anything or anyone else. (Unless, of course,
they merely suffer from Asperger's syndrome, in which case
train-spotting is required.) You don't like this option? I didn't think
you would. Back to the other two...)

1. Raising your endorphin levels

There are so many methods. Let's sample a few:

a) Love

Yes. What we all want. Unfortunately there's no sure-fire recipe, it
rarely lasts, and the come-down is horrendous.

At the one extreme is the serial relationship-junkie. If you aren't one
yourself, you are at least likely to know several of these pathetic
creatures, who get their kicks through the adrenalin of new
relationships. They have low self-esteem, fall for unsuitable people
and alternately disappear entirely from your life during the up-phases,
and reappear to cry on your shoulder during the down-phases. If you're
one of them, get some therapy! If your friends are this sort, don't
waste your energy comforting them - get them to a shrink, pronto.

At the other extreme is the first-love, childhood-sweethearts,
diamond-anniversary, happy-together-forever,
makes-you-sick-the-lucky-b*&;^\%\%@s sort.. I heard a story about
such a couple, ostensibly joyful together for over 60 years. A
researcher was trying to unearth the secret. Turned out they hated each
other, hadn't spoken for years, but didn't have the courage to go their
separate ways. So much for that one.

In between are most of us, on the surface denying that we believe in
the prince/princess, one-true-love-scenario, but deep down clinging to
this fairytale. We limp through a mediocre mush of compromise and
disillusion, remaining hopeful, jealous of X and Y's relationship
(until it founders!) but are glad we aren't like Z or Q. (Oh no, we
could never be like Z or Q!)

But seriously, relationships are all about committment and hard word,
blah, blah, blah... No quick and lasting fix then. Sorry.

b) Exercise

Sure it's good for you. But without motivation and moderation it
doesn't work, and who can get the balance exactly right?

One problem with exercise is that the pain comes before the gain. Then,
if the gain is great, it is as addictive as other destructive habits.
Your buzz comes from your tortured body's attempts at self-anaesthesia,
and possibly (especially in men) socially, from beating others: faster,
higher, further, more often, carrying a heavier load, earlier in the
morning, later at night, in worse weather... bang! Oops! (Women might
compete to lose weight - see below.)

If you build up slowly you may be successful in avoiding injury or
death. If you don't ultimately push yourself too far you might just
manage not to suppress your immune system and consequently go down with
every passing virus. Fingers crossed - if they're not broken! - you'll
not suffer common long-term consequences such as arthritis. Exercise is
great!

c) Curry

Now this is a strange one. It's a pain-gain-pain sandwich. Eating
curries is uncomfortable and sweaty work, a useful field for macho
competition: 'What a wimp, you're only having madras! I'll have a
vindaloo!' Once consumed, hot and spicy foods give one a pleasant glow
as endorphins are released. This is known to be addictive. The problem
is that if you've had the vindaloo, sooner or later you'll need to
find-the-loo; "ring-of-fire" is not uniquely a hazard faced by trick
motorcyclists. Besides, some (admittedly controversial) research
suggests that Capsicums (peppers) cause brain damage. What does this
have to tell us about the fact that India is a world leader in computer
programming and information technology!?

d) Pain

Generalising from the last two categories, we could say that pain leads
to endorphin release, which leads to pleasure. Hmmmn... The question
then is how to minimise the pain and maximise the pleasure. Of course
there are the pathological extremes of masochism and sadism, which we
won't waste time on. Then there's fasting, used by many religions to
induce supposedly spiritual and trance-like states. Also a bit extreme.
Acupunture? They say sticking needles in doesn't hurt! How about
counterirritants? Liniments, used to relieve muscle pain, contain,
amongst other ingredients, the same substances you ingest with a curry.
The theory is that the stimulation given to the sensory nerves of the
skin causes endorphin release in the origin of these nerves (which
supply the deeper structures also), effectively desensitizing them.
Electro-stimulation pads works the same way. Whether these methods
merely abolish existing pain or positively give one pleasure is a moot
point, but perhaps the elimination of suffering does produce happiness
in itself? In that case bash your head against a wall for a while, and
then stop. Easy.

e) A huge lottery win

Three problems with this. Firstly, you are more likely to be struck by
lightning than win the lottery. The average plonker has no conception
of the laws of probability. This is evidenced by the massive increase
in ticket sales when there's a rollover and the big prize money goes
up. So many more people buy tickets that the chances of winning an
undivided large sum actually go down, not up! (Besides, this behaviour
seems to indicate that people believe that ten million quid would make
them five times happier than two million. Really?)

Secondly, when people who have won a huge amount of money are studied,
it appears that a year after the event they tend to have the same
psychological profile as people who have experienced major disasters.
Imagine if the interest on the money you won was several times the
average income of your friends and family. Would you give them any
money or not? If so, who would get how much? Would X be jealous of Y?
Would they treat you the same way? Would you treat them the same way?
You don't think there would be a problem with you, but research shows
that relationships are often destroyed by sudden massive windfalls.
(Cue the Beatles: 'Can't buy me love...')

Thirdly, if you think about the lottery and its effects on society,
your conscience ought to put you through hell. The poor and desperate
spend a higher proportion of their income on lottery tickets. The
lottery is nothing but an ingenious way of shifting the tax burden from
the rich to the poor. It is a tax on ignorance and poverty. To deny
this is sophistry. [For more on this subject, see my essay on this
website: "Free trade (a personal view of globalisation)." ]

f) Losing weight

'If only I could lose 20 pounds, I would be happy!' Yeah, right. And
you'll diet to get there, alternately starving yourself and bingeing
guiltily on chocolate and cakes. And if you do lose the weight you'll
put it on again, and then some more... [See my essay on the perfect
diet on this website: "Eric's Ultimate Diet."]

g) Non-opiate drugs

Let's take three: alcohol, tobacco and marijuana. Alcohol is a legal
depressant, but in moderate quantities its beneficial effects arguably
outweigh its bad ones. In excess we all know about its effects on
physical and mental health and the accidents and violence with which it
is associated. A very qualified thumbs-up then.

Tobacco is highly addictive. One can argue for it as one can for
bashing one's head against a wall (see (d) above): the addict suffers
without it, and only feels OK with it. It's expensive, and there is no
safe level of smoking, but then we all have to die in some way. The
good thing about tobacco is that, contrary to popular wisdom, it saves
the National Health Service a fortune. Smokers die so much younger than
non-smokers, and pay so much more tax, that despite their chronic
ill-health and relative lack of productivity, over a lifetime on
average they are cheaper to the exchequer than non-smokers. That must
make someone happy. (To remain happy one is best ignore the distorting
effects on the economies of the countries where it is grown, not to
mention the environmental damage related to the wood burnt to dry the
product in some countries.) Oh, I forgot to mention that tobacco's a
good way of giving up nicotine chewing gum.

Marijuana is illegal in the UK. It may itself not be physiologically
addictive, but is often taken with tobacco, which is. It has some of
the risks of tobacco, but may have some health benefits (such as the
alleviation of glaucoma, chronic pain, some of the symptoms of multiple
sclerosis and of the ill-effects of chemotherapy) . I would like to
demonstrate for its legalization, but, like, hey, man, I really can't
be bothered, you know what I mean? Take it easy... [For information
about why marijuana became illegal, see my essay on this website: "Free
trade (a personal view of globalisation)"]

h) Being a vet

Thousands have read the James Herriott books and long to become vets,
thinking this is the route to happiness. It definitely isn't. (Herriott
himself suffered from chronic depression.) See my piece on this
website: "Urghh!"

i) Brain electrodes

Rats have been implanted with electrodes which stimulate their pleasure
centres. Ignoring food and water, they ceaselessly push a lever to
obtain sensations of pure pleasure until they die of a combination of
dehydration, starvation and exhaustion.

2. Taking opiates (laudanum, opium, morphine, heroin, methadone,
codeine...)

Like cannabis, these are generally illegal these days, and are
responsible for a significant proportion of world trade. Like brain
electrodes, they produce pure euphoria and are highly addictive. The
effects of any single dose are short (or fatal) and one's tolerance
increases, requiring higher and higher doses to avoid the appalling
muscle cramps, sweating and diarrhoea of withdrawal. (Big gain,
followed by massive pain!) Current drugs policies are counterproductive
and indirectly promote addiction. [Read my essay on this website for
more: "Free trade (a personal view of globalisation)"] The one thing to
be said for these drugs is that if you want to die, then an opiate
overdose is as reasonable a way to go as any. Cheerful thought.

So what do we learn from all the above?

Permanent euphoria is incompatible with life. People who try to tell
you that they know how to be happy all the time are deluded or
confidence tricksters. Choose your highs carefully, according to the
manageability of their associated lows. No pain, no gain, but you will
tend to live longer and enjoy more total happiness if you go for the
pay-a-little-bit-now-and-enjoy-a-little-bit-later sources of happiness
(I recommend medium curries such as pathias, jal frezis, tikka
masalas...) than if you go for either the enjoy-now-and-pay-later
(heroin addict) or
pay-now-and-enjoy-possibly-at-some-time-in-the-distant-future
approaches (Scrooge!) As for love, I only wish I knew the answer!

[For a more serious discussion of happiness, see the ends of my other
essays on this website: "Eric's Ultimate Diet" and "Free trade (a
personal view of globalisation)"]

I wish all abctales readers satisfactory endorphin levels over the
festive season, and during 2001!