Derek's Wasted Brain

After looking in the fridge for a spoon, Derek gave up the idea of soup and settled for a bowl of cornflake; and having faced some difficulty in putting sugar onto his cereal with his fork, he began to push the cornflakes onto hi fork with his fishknife.
"Bollocks" said the wooden spoon which had been crucified for shouting obsenities at the microwave.
The microwave said nothing.
Half an hour had passed before Derek finished trying to scoop up the milk with his knife and fork: it was hard work but Derek knew that every good Englishman always uses his knife and fork.
"Bollocks" said the wooden spoon, "oh shit!".
Derek picked up a nail and, using a hammer, drove the nail through the wooden spoon and into the wall.
"Bollocks" said the wooden spoon in a voice not too dissimmilar to a parrot that has been breathing helium.
"Shut up" said Derek.
"Ping" went the microwave.
"You can shut up too, you technological shit!" added Derek.
"Why dont you let me show the world whats on your mind?" whined the sniper's bullet, a split second before splitting Derek's skull open and splashing his brain into the sink.
"yum yum!" gurgled the waste disposal unit as it automaticly devoured Derek's wasted brain.
After three days the smell of Derek's rotting corpse had attracted a large number of sccavengers who had become unnafraid of the wooden spoon's relentless obsenities.
"Oh bollocks" said the wooden spoon in miserable submission.
"Blip bleep" said the microwave.
"Yum yum!" gurgled a mumrering chorus from within Derek's putryfying entrails.
"Shut up I'm hungry" groaned the brain encrusted sink.