The Strange Tale of Gherkin the Merkin

There is a small man playing an even smaller trombone, living in my stereo, you must think Im crazy but I tell you it's true; about teatime daily he would play Glenn Miller's classics over whatever I was listening to. This is obviously very annoying if you are trying to listen to a good, old fashioned bit of "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch in D-minor" especially since by some quirk of physics (a good gag there fell free to laugh), he manages to play all the tunes at the same time.

I once asked him the purpose of of the cacophony and in a squeeky geordie accent, he explained that he was a George Formby impersonator and that he had volunteered for service in MI4D (thats military intelligence fourth dimension) during the war and got shrunk in a steam boiler. It was his job to hide inside Macqui radios and make them sound like innocent civilian radios as opposed the SOE variety.

It was on one of these adventures that his loyal basset hound 'ghekin', was diguised as Eva Braun's Brazillian merkin when, Adolf Hitler, after a spell of glue sniffing, went down on Eva only to discover that he had acquired a Charlie Chaplin moustachio.

After Hitler accused Eva of having "a pooch that tastes of pooch's arsehole", strange squeeky laughter of the histerical variety, escaped from Eva's grammaphone and this was not only game up, but for poor Eric Stinkhorn (yes that is his name honest guv), the war was over.

As a POW and as an MI4D opperative he had to make his own escape, which, in 1997, he finally achieved by stowing away in a Japanese stereo.

He now plays the bagpipes to the tune of 'Ra Ra Rasputin'. Yes they are minature bagpipes.