Trans-gression

By iwylie

Tue, 26 Jun 2018
  • 973 reads
5 comments
 

Dramatic Monolouge

 

(Clock reads 58 seconds to detonation)

Diana: Today is the day isn’t it? I saw Avery helping you think morning. Putting on that damn flashing vest that’s gonna end it all.

You think you’re so holy.

Don’t you love your people? They moved to this fuckin’ beach for you, master. They shared themselves with you, master. In their eyes, you gave them life-- so what the fuck gives you think right to take thtat away from them?

You know shit my entire family don’t know. My fuckin’ kid don’t know me. Don’t know my shame.

 

C’mon, you met her, little Barb’ra with the bright eyes and freckled face. She’ll never know her mama. She’ll never know my name--- Diana. Not Daniel.. Not Dad, Mama.

 

What about Cameron over there? He’s got a kid, too. You think he came to this place to bind his chest everyday only to get blown to chunks?

 

No, he came here to wear swimmin’ trunks, and short hair and love himself. Shame on you. No, I mean it, shame on you! I’ve lived my whole life a lie.. Smelling like a man, hurtin’ like a man, dressin like a man. But you take me in as the woman I am because you hate me? Because I disgust you? Because you think you’re some type of God?

 

Clock reads 13 seconds to detonation

 

I’m so mad I could spit! I don’t even wanna touch you. Not even that fuckin’ vest. Hell, I couldn’t stop it..

Even if I wanted to.

 

She’d never know her mama. Lil Barb’ra would prolly never wanna.

 

So (beep) blow me up, (beep)

Fucker and mix my body with the ocean (beep)

So the only Mama (beat) I’ll even resemble (beep)

Is Mother Earth.

 

(Detonation commenced. Blackout.)

Certificate 18
Other
Young Writers
Surreal
Rant
Drama

Comments

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Loved the ending. Dramatic beeps and the narrator’s disgust laid bare. Beeps won’t be evenly spaced or you’ll have to rush the narrative if you don’t space them differently. 

The build up is good too. I assume you’ve used names from the drama class to heighten the impact on your audience. A few too many throwaway lines such as ‘you know shit my entire family don’t know’. If the narrator knows the terrorist then maybe it would be useful for them to throw in some facts they know about them to humanise them a little more. May be more organic. Hope it goes well!

 

Submitted by london_calling79 on

You’ll need to up the age rating for here too. Probably an 18 due to the language.

 

Submitted by iwylie on

Oh! SO sorry. Habit! Thank you for your feedback I appreciate it! :) 

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Wow! Very dramatic! I'm not an expert on dramatic writing. I know that the classic playwrights gave their characters great (long) speeches. I think for realism it's good to break the dialogue up. Shorter is more natural. It's how we really speak. You get a lot of interruptions and things get broken into what are called units of speech. Short phrases that encapsulate a point. A really interesting piece.

Parson Thru

Submitted by iwylie on

Great, thank you Parson! :)