Hope

By collette

Mon, 26 Oct 2009
  • 613 reads
2 comments
 

Hope

Eyes of fire, burning bright
Hope is lost within the night
Cold of dark, things which dwell
Through the cracks and fire of hell

Hear the calling within the night
Demons, monsters and vampires alike
Hold my breath, stand my ground
Clutch my sword without a sound

Shadows appear left and right
Still I stand to end this fight
Moving quickly, have no fear
Born to defeat the enemy near

Weight of the world on my shoulders stand
Until the day judgement is planned
Standing tall, hold my own
Until I’m left without flesh and bone

Glowing brightly my eyes shine through
The dark of death, and Lucifer too
Hold head high, don’t waver now
Your band of brother’s will show you how

They sweep in quick, without a sound
Burning the demons to the ground
Clashing shields, sound of swords
The sound of heaven and demon wars

Pierced my heart, drop to the floor
Crimson blood reveals the door
Soaking up into the earth
My last breath will be the curse

Eyes of bright begin to dim
Life is fading deep within
Forced to stand when all is lost
My life will not be the cost

Forced to fight for love and truth
My crimson blood will be the proof
Dark shadows that creep through the night
Are destroyed as my form burns bright

Nothing left, ashes float
Covering the scarred ground with hope
Another day to survive
Until the next judgement day arrives

Certificate 12
Fantasy

Comments

Submitted by collette on
This is the first poem I have ever written please feel free to give me feed back :)

Submitted by Ewan on
There will be those on here who really will not like this because it's clearly an attempt to write in a gothic "poetical" style. With its inversions and (some) archaic uses it achieves this with some success. The rhythm of the piece seems to be trying to suggest some urgency and, perhaps, suspense - certainly at first - so is it a good idea, if the poem is called Hope to say: 'Hope is lost within the night' in the second line? You have an erroneously placed apostrophe in 'band of brother's' which indicates a possessive rather than a plural. The last line doesn't quite fit the rhythm of the rest of the poem, read it aloud with normal stress and intonation and I think you'll see what I mean. It might work if you miss out 'the' Good luck Ewan

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