Breakfarce TV

Another day, another dollar (well, £500 or so). It was Sunday, in fact, at Bonkers HQ and the weather forecast had just finished, with a sun tanned lady enunciating her words slowly and loudly as if she assumed an audience of primary school children. She was a recording, of course, because this was Sunday and Bonkers HQ only had a handful of their standing army on duty. Not that they would ever admit it.

"Good morning. This is your live, international news channel, serving the United Kingdom and countries around the world (except those we don't like). My name is ....."

Then followed a series of pre-recorded programmes, about technology, movies, holidays, and current affairs. A strap line at the bottom of the screen updated the viewer with yesterday's well trodden headlines, and occasionally the jaunty live presenter would make a reappearance, primarily to remind us what he was called. 

Now and again, viewers might be treated to an unintended shot of the nearly deserted studio. Populated only by a large, sleeping man resembling Oliver Hardy. Left over from Saturday, perhaps....

The recorded current affairs programme involves several experts appearing simultaneously on the screen in cell-like boxes. They're possibly protected from demon microbes by hermetically sealed chambers. Each one exists in a small, grey room, furnished with a single sofa and nothing else. Apart from the very intelligent guy, who has a room filled with two thousand books and a quill pen.

The presenter always wears large earphones, like a Radio Caroline DJ. The reason for this is unclear.

But, without doubt, it's the most interesting part of the programme. 

Remember the Sundays of church bells, Yorkshire puddings, old Westerns and closed shops?

Come back. All is forgiven.