Golden Memories: Nick Names

While I was trying to 'find myself' I alternated my time between working as a clerk and riding with a motorcycle gang (a sometimes uncomfortable combination). The members of the gang developed a string of derisory nick names for each other, no doubt demonstrating the disingenuousness of our friendship.

Most of these names were self-explanatory like 'the nose' or just shortened versions of the person's real name. But some were quite unusual epithets based on singular experiences. One chap habitually wore a capacious anorak instead of the de rigueur leather jacket, which was okay except the garment blew up like a balloon when he reached about 40 mph on his bike. In fact, he looked as though he was sitting in his front room watching telly. This led to him being called 'armchair' for the rest of his adolescence.

Another bloke was extremely greedy, always licking the paper when he'd finished his fish and chips. One day, however, he started laughing whilst consuming a cup of tea at the local transport cafe and this resulted in him recycling the liquid through his mouth, up the back of his nose and once more into the cup.

He was thence forward always called 'twin jets'.

There were far worse examples, though, as in the case of 'dirty Bertie' who earned his impressive moniker by eating dry dog dirt to impress his Hell's Angel chums.

Happy days.

Maybe.