Neighbourhood Watch: The Shape of Things to Come

I've written about weird neighbours before, so some of you may remember the pair who've created a model mountain of dog poo in their backyard. Well, here's an update.

The two brothers have a thoroughly modern lifestyle which involves endless free money and bottomless free time. Neither of the young men works, but somehow they find themselves occupying a Victorian stone built house with three bedrooms. The magic wand is most likely open-ended benefits and/or family handouts, leading to them being 'ware housed', out of sight and out of mind.

But they're probably more out of sight and mind than originally intended.

They never leave the house and, instead, receive food and other articles by home delivery. The door remains unopened to anybody who hasn't got a box of goodies in their arms, the situation being monitored closely by the younger brother peering through chinks in the grimy curtains. The only sighting of them is occasionally in the backyard, when they clear a path through the excrement. Each appears to be constructed entirely of flaccid flab, their faces are as white as a sheet, and their apparel resembles jumble sale dresses tucked into dirty jeans.

These sightings are rare, because they spend most the day asleep, only coming awake at tea time in preparation for a night of computer games, film streaming and hysterical giggling. The younger one, is almost completely emotional in nature, leaping from one extreme mood to another and verbalising these loudly.

"In your bed dog! Relax! I'm eating me dinner!"

The time was half past three...at night.