The Return of Sport

Oh no! I do declare!
That accusation is most unfair!
It's perfectly true that my bottom was bare,
And Mrs. Smyth-Higgins gave me a chilling glare,
but it was nothing more than a manly dare.
Surely these things are not so rare,
Many a squeal has followed a trouser tear,
And I'll gladly give her a £5 share.