The Secret Language of Tearooms #1
By drkevin
- 300 reads
When a man scans a fairly empty tearoom whistling or humming, and then takes a slalom course around the available tables to sit opposite you, it is likely the man is a long-term talkaholic desperately requiring a fix. He will stare at you like the wax effigy of a homicidal maniac in Madam Tussaud's until you look up. If you avoid looking up, his face will somehow appear in the centre of your plate.
The humming will get mesmerically louder and louder until you succumb to his will.
If a large man comes gasping and coughing through the door with long ski slope walking sticks, three dogs and a spare Zimmer frame strapped to his back, you will know immediately that there is nothing whatsoever wrong with him that a sick note won't cure. He may crash to the ground amidst a volcanic eruption of fruit scones, but the only casualty will be the poor waitress beneath him (breaking his fall).
When an elderly couple loudly commend a waitress for the wonderful cuisine and high class service, you will know that they have spent the preceding twenty minutes minutely criticising every molecule of their fry-ups and completing a devastating Trip Advisor review (with photos).
Thus, the whole world in a coffee cup.....
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