Always You

I spend too much time thinking about what I'd do if you were here when you're away on one of your trips. But sometimes, when you are here, I feel kind of awkward and shy, almost like we've only just met. 

I appreciate the time alone, so long as I'm occupied. Here are the things I do to occupy myself when you're away.

I take the time to groom my beard. I trim my nails, my nose hairs and shave the sparse hairs off my back. I also spend a lot of time making sure I have no hairs growing in my ears. I tidy up the nethers, wash my hands, brush my teeth. While I do this, I don't think of you.

I stand in front of my wardrobe looking at my shirts, trying to decide which one I’ll wear. Then I spend the same time thinking about the pants to go with the shirt. Then the shoes, socks and, yes, even the underwear. I prepare my wear without a thought of you. 

I search the fridge for forgotten treats, scour the cupboards for tidbits and raid the freezer for edible frozen gems. I try to keep busy. I feed the cats, clean the dishes, sweep the floor; I vacuum, dust, straighten up, tidy up and water the plants. I do these things with nary a thought of you.

But when I sit down, finally, to relax, thoughts of you rush at me like lost loves found again. I'm overwhelmed with sadness and wanting, woefully and pathetically sorry for myself. It's in these moments, when I could really do with some tactile love, that our cats choose to completely ignore me.

So, despondent, lonely and insolently ignored by our be-furred overlords, I can't help but think of you. Only you.

Always you.