Can't take the pressure

Sometimes I imagine
How it is to be free;
Free of a conscience
And responsibility ...

I'd always turn left
When the signs say turn right;
I'd turn off my headlights,
As soon as it's night.

I'd collect an award
For worker of the week,
Then use a dozen 'f' words
When it's my turn to speak.

When the minister says: "Speak now
or forever hold your piece ..."
I'd say: "Don't marry that girl!
take her out on a lease!"

I'd go to a funeral,
All dressed in white,
And I'd say to the widow:
"How ya doin'?!! Awwight?!!"

I'd disrupt the calm
Of a one minute silence,
Attack the referee
With my ultraviolence.

If I was at the crucible
I'd do just the same,
I'd wait for Stephen Hendry
To bend and take aim,
Then I'd strap on a snorkel
And leap from the stalls,
Belly-flop the table
And scatter the balls.

I'd deliver you leaflets
About voting green,
Then put my clear bottles
In the brown bottle bin.

I'd borrow your book
When you are not lending,
Skip to the back
And tell you the ending.

With freedom from you
And freedom from me,
Sometimes I imagine
How it is to be free.