9. Pee in the sink, what else can you do?

Between inductions, I managed to spend some time transforming the cabin. The dreary blue curtains that hung from the bunks were replaced with sarongs and scarves. Photographs of family and friends were also stuck to the walls. A print out of the ship's itinerary is attached to the space above the writing desk where Vanessa's things are piled high.

Each Saturday night that was normally spent with Iona out on the town is now a "new cruise", and a new cruise number. This is number (G201) and is my first official cruise. A CD is now a Cruise director, the lobby the atrium, the stern the front of the ship and the bow the back, my room is my cabin; a JAP is a Junior assistant purser, a masseuse a body basher and a hairdresser a hairy. Deck seven starboard is where my life raft is located should the ship sink, a little r sign circled next to a drinks order means on the rocks. A DOD is a drink of the day, a slice is to have sex, Crew rounds is a crew inspection, In port manning means staying on the ship to save the lives of others in the event of an emergency while in dock, a laminax is your ships i.d. The DP is the deputy purser, a wall is a bulkhead and sick is something you should never be. The list is endless, but nonetheless necessary for me to know.

The ships itinerary tells me that in just over two months time we would be heading down to the Caribbean. My all-important personal CD player is placed on the small narrow shelf behind my pillow with my CD case open at Kenny G. I can’t sleep without plugging the earphones in my ears to get rid of all the banging noises of the ship. The ship's motion although comforting is rather hard to get used to. The noises constantly interrupt my dreams. Some times I am grateful for this, like this morning for example. I was having this really intense dream. I was dancing around the floor with a mysterious foreign looking Officer. We come to a stop and he turns around to grab two glasses of champagne from a passing stewardess (me) and when he turns back to hand me the glass, it’s no longer the handsome Officer but Giles.

Vanessa and I take turns putting the finishing touches to our faces and hair. I look at my reflection in the mirror. Not bad I think to myself as I take a good look at the new me. With a twist and turn to get a look from all angles I decide that I am pleased with the overall effect. Vanessa sits on her bunk pulling on her tan coloured tights while observing me.
“I think you should get a bigger skirt Ginny, says Vanessa, one that doesn’t make you look like your five months pregnant.”
Vanessa stands up and pulls her tights around her waist. What is the point in her telling me this now, as we are about to leave the cabin? I checked myself in the mirror again and cannot for the life of me see the stomach thing. I have always been proud of my flat stomach.
“Thanks Vanessa, I suppose this must be the right time to mention your facial hair then,” I tease while being pleasantly surprised at my quick comeback.
“Oh Fuch,” gobs Vanessa dashing to the mirror.
Vanessa inspects her face and cannot find any stray hairs.
“That’s not funny Ginny, you had me going there though”.
“Well I can’t see any sign of pregnancy either,” I say patting my flat stomach.
“I was just messing, cant you take a fuching joke,” retorts Vanessa.
“So was I Vanessa,” I say but its too late Vanessa is pissed off. She draws hard on her cigarette and goes over to the sink and drops it down the plughole. She brushes her blonde hair back into a ponytail and checks her make up. Without a word she grabs her tray off the chair and slams the cabin door behind her. I feel really bad. I didn’t mean to upset her. I thought that seeing as she was dishing out the jokes she was prepared to get something back, unless she wasn’t joking?

Vanessa has been on edge the last few days. She hasn’t been sleeping very well and she wants to hit the crew bar as soon as possible so she can start to meet other people, namely the good looking Italian from the bus. She has been complaining all week that this is not the job for her.

We have spent every minute in each other’s company since we got onboard and have learnt quite a lot about each other. Vanessa hates to sleep with any light on, I hate when she puts her cigarettes down the drain of the sink, she hates my organising the cabin around her and I hate her mess, she hates it when she’s not the centre of attention and I hate it when I am. But considering everything we still manage to laugh about things that have happened like when our neighbours forget to unlock our bathroom door when they’d finished so we end up having to pee in the sink. As long as the joke was not directly about Vanessa, we were having a good time. In less than a week I have shared things with Vanessa that I could never share with anyone except for Iona and peeing in the sink was just the beginning.

Tonight is the official start to the new job. We have all been reminded that we are the lucky ones. Not every one gets the chance for training we have been told several times. All the old and new bar staff are serving drinks at the Captain's Cocktail party for returning passengers. We are told to wear our white gloves.

"Move around with the trays as you were trained to do," instructed Andrew the Bar manager during training. The last few days have been filled with induction after induction and walking the full length of the crew bar with a drinks tray. The tray would start with one drink then two until finally the tray was overflowing. It was more difficult than it looked.
"Make sure that everyone has a glass before the speeches start, Captain Carluccio hates being interrupted," instructed Andrew while standing to the side of the crew bar and grabbing drinks off our trays without any warning. After a lot of spills we just about got the hang of it.
"These people will be grabbing drinks from your tray,” says Andrew circling around us with hands tied firmly behind his back.
“It will disrupt the balance of your tray and you are at risk of loosing the whole thing, don’t let that happen. Further more, he adds stopping in mid stride, do not let me catch any of you slouching, sitting, chatting, smoking, or being anywhere you are not supposed to be. Passenger areas are exactly that, you are here to work not to sneak in on a show when the lights go down, not to sit down in passenger areas even if a passenger asks you to and don’t even think about sneaking up on deck to use the Jacuzzi. I know all the tricks boys and girls because I have been there. The passengers are strictly off limits,” he says looking first at Greg and then at Trevor. “Whatever you get up to I will know about it, he says looking at us one by one, and then so will you," he finishes with a long sniff as if to smell the fear he has expelled in us.

Feeling like a naughty schoolgirl who has just been caught kissing behind the bike shed I almost feel guilty. So there you have it. No swimming on deck eleven, no Jacuzzi on deck ten, no moonlit walks with the man of my dreams. What are the options? There are none. The crew bar and that is it. Ah yes, there is a crew laundry and a crew gym made up of three pieces of equipment. By the time I finish work the last place I will want to be is the gym.

It has been decided that Vanessa is going to work in the Show Lounge, Greg in the Dolphin Disco and Allison and Trevor are working together in the Casino. I am now working in the Ocean Breeze cocktail lounge under bartender Jo, who just happens to be the Andrews girlfriend.

I leave the cabin and make my way up the now familiar stairwell and out of the crew area onto the M1 without taking a wrong turn. The crew lift is full of waiters in black formal uniforms. As I approach a few of them start to whistle and cheer. I look up just as one of them blows me a kiss and shouts out in a thick accent that he’s falling in love. Another one thrusts his hips in my direction before the doors slide shut and the waiters are transported to deck number seven and the passenger restaurant.

I feel slightly cheered. I look around to see if anyone had noticed but the M1 is strangely dead. With my gloves in one hand and my drinks tray tucked under my arm I make my way up to deck four. There are umpteen hidden crew stairways and pantries behind the grandiose cosmetics laid on for the passenger eye. We can go from any part of the ship to another without coming into contact with one single passenger. Extraordinarily enough I feel almost happy today. Perhaps happy is not the right word. Happy is having the comfort of my own home, Iona, my car, conversation, and my old life.

So far I have been on this ship for nearly a week and have not yet set foot on land. There have been many surprises and negative points to this week already but today I felt different. Today is a better day. Perhaps it’s the crisp uniform, my hair pulled neatly back and the two tools of the trade in hand, my tray and my white gloves. A surgeon with his scalpel, a hunter with his gun, a writer and his pen, or perhaps I have just found out who I am on this ship. Without this uniform I am no one. No one knew me, Ginny, from land. Here I have to be someone else. I have nothing in common with any of these people because no one is remotely interested in what you did or who were before stepping foot on this ship. That is why no one has anything in common because life on land is rarely discussed.

Everyone is comfortable and less nervous seeing you pigeon holed in a uniform so they can know who you are on the ship and in relation to them. I never dreamed of being a stewardess, I dreamed of working on a cruise ship, that’s the difference. This is certainly a far cry from being Team Leader and in charge of my own accounts and people. Budgeting, staff performance reports and my team building speeches seemed like a distant memory. Today is a big day for all of us. I only wish that I hadn’t upset Vanessa earlier.

The purser’s desk is the heart of the ship. It is the main link and communication between all the departments. As I approach the desk I notice there are three people standing behind the desk having a chat before the cocktail party begins when they will face yet another round of strange and peculiar questions. Each is dressed immaculately in whiter than white shirts, black skirts or trousers and a jacket with gold stripes on the shoulders.

Debra is counting out some money behind the counter in front of her. Debra and I met during yet another induction. People came in from other departments on the ship to explain their role on board and Debra had represented the Purser’s Office. She had entertainingly told us about her job. She told us about the passengers and the strange and sometimes stupid things they do and ask.

Debra was probably the warmest person I have met so far. She is funny and real. Her large breasts and broad back look out of proportion to her slim legs and arms. She has chestnut coloured hair that is cut into a shoulder length bob around an attractive face.
"Hi Debra," I say stopping right in front of her.
"Hi Ginny, wow you look great,” she says getting up and looking over the reception desk at me. “Your first captains party tonight eh?”
"Yeh,” I reply looking around the empty Atrium. “I’m a little bit nervous," I say not realising up until that moment that I was, very nervous. I stick my finger behind my bow to let some air in.
"I couldn’t do your job,” said Debra. “There is not way I could do it. Big time full of himself the old Capitano,” she confides looking up onto the balcony where the captain and the other senior officers are gathered. All the Italians are the same," she said while pressing a button on the telephone and taking a call.
"Good Evening the Purser office, she answers brightly into her slim headset, this is Debra speaking, how may I help you?"
"The midnight buffet madam, repeats Debra while rolling her eyes. Yes it is at “midnight”’ she says still smiling but her voice is borderline exasperated.
“God they haven’t even had dinner yet and they’re worrying about their next meal.” Just as she finishes the call a passenger in a gold coloured shell suit and white sun visor comes up to the desk.

"Where do I get some stamps?” drawls her lady. Her lips are dramatically painted in a bright red that bled into the crevasses around her lips.
"Right here Mam," replies Debra brightly and throwing me a sly sideways grin.
"And where’s that," shouts the woman back as if they are speaking two different languages.
"Right here madam," says Debra blinking and opening her eyes widely at the passenger but still smiling.
"Okay, okay replies the passenger irritably, gimmi twelve for the US," she demands and slaps her ships I.D card on the desk.
"Hey, do I have to lick these myself?” demands the lady as she picks up the stamps and inspects them. The passenger looks confused and quite anxious that she might actually have to lick her own stamps. .
"Why no Mam," replies Debra sitting back in her chair. Slowly bit-by-bit she starts to slide her tongue out of her mouth until it can stretch no further.
The lady looks confused for a second until Debra points at her tongue and indicates with her finger for the lady to use her tongue to wet her stamps. Staring at Debra and then at me like we are stark raving mad, she grabs her I.D, dances in a circle like a puppet on a string to get her bearings before stomping off to the front of the ship.

I stare at Debra as she puts her tongue away and shuffles some papers in front of her as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
"Well, I was just trying to be helpful,” she explains looking up innocently. Anyway she can hardly complain that I was being unhelpful, can she?"
"Debra that is bad, I say laughing, you cant do that.”
Just then the Lady appears again but this time is going in the other direction looking very lost. Debra and I just look at each other.
"You’ve got to come to the crew bar for a drink tonight, " she had said enthusiastically. “I’ve got my eye on a little Romanian Waiter. He’s really cute. If you want I can get you fixed up too, not that you’ll need any help”.
Debra picks up a bundle of the long cardboard ship plans and bends them over the top of her nose to shut so she can speak in complete privacy.
“ I heard them talking about you last night in the Crew bar, she said through the paper archway. Her eyes are dancing about in excitement.
“And, she says moving closer across to the reception desk, a couple of the bridge officers were talking about the hot new redhead in bars.”
She sat back and flattened the plans back into shape and smiled, pleased with her piece of news. Just then an Officer comes around from the back office. I’m just thinking what a nice looking man he is when he stops and stares at me with an expression that quite clearly says ‘Move.’ He stands there until Debra looks over her shoulder to see what I’m looking at.
"Yes it starts at five fifteen, she shouts turning swiftly back. “You'd better go, see you down in the crew bar about elevenish," she whispers and places two fingers on her shoulder to indicate the stripes on the man’s uniform. "Senior officer," she mouths.
Having taken the hint but not understanding what the big deal is, I collect my tray and set of on my first bar Stewardess Assignment. People are a huge bit anal around here I think to myself.

This is the first seating cocktail party, which means that these passengers will then go on to have first seating dinner. Later there will be another party for the second seating passengers. Andrew had explained to us that the dining room was only big enough to accommodate six hundred and fifty passengers at a time so that is why they split dining times.

On my work schedule for this week it has the name of everyone working in the Ocean Breeze where I will be working for the next six months and I got my first glance at just how many hours I will be working. After tonight I will be working twelve hours a day, every day and every week. Andrew had told us that time off is not to be expected but your bartenders will work the schedule so everyone will get a few hours off in port each cruise.
“Hi Jo, I breeze in, can I help with anything?” I ask smiling confidently. I really wanted Jo to see that I am both capable and willing and if she’s my boss for the next six months then I really want her to like me. I don’t foresee this as a problem as I’ve never had problems making friends in the past.

Jo looks up at and smiles, "I wouldn’t want to interrupt your cruise, eh Ginny, is it?” she says looking over at the purser’s desk where I had just been speaking to Debra. “If it wouldn’t disturb you too much perhaps you wouldn't mind garnishing those punches,” she sneered, indicating to the trays of pre prepared cocktails.
"What do I put on them?” I ask her. My nerves a