Pure Speculation

What I say and what I do never seems to be two different things. It
all turns out to be the same. I feel like I'm trapped in what I do
sometimes though. I'm tired of being the person that everyone expects
me to be. I have my moods, my changes and all the other things that
other people do. I'm human. I'm definitely not perfect. Never tried to
be, never ill be. I'll just be the person I am. Take me for who I am
not who you want me to be. Who you want me to be is something,
something I'll never bear.

I do what I want, the way I want to. That's who I try to be. I don't
try to live by the rules that you set for me, I live by the rules I set
for myself. If you can't understand that, that's not my problem. That's
yours to deal with. I have enough problems to deal with through the
day, I don't need any extra crosses to bear. I'm not here to be on a
pedestal or be a know it all. I'm just here to be the person I was
meant to be and not you or anyone can tell me what that is. All those
things you say to me don't mean much because I know who's important and
who's not. No I'm not deluding myself, it's just when you think you
know me better that I know myself, you don't. I am who I am not anyone
else. I don't fit into the paradigm, I deft the paradigm. I am now own
paradigm. There's nothing factual, actual or anything in between about
me.

You thought you knew the book, but it's always being revised. I'm the
best that I can be. I'm demanding, complex, adapting and resilient.
I'll never be brought down, I'll never be held down. Just when you
think you've got me pegged I break out and change all the rules. That's
what it's about. That's what I can tell you. Now you can either believe
this or you can't. I don't give a dam because just like the Sneaker
Pimps say, "Just because were talking don't mean we're friends." You
know what I let you know. What you don't know could blow your mind
probably. Just the same what I can't comment on what I don't know but I
can speculate and believe me that's all you're doing these days is
speculating about who I am, and what I'm about. I choose who I tell
what to, I chose who I'm open with. I'm not open to the world and the
little glimpses you get barely scratches the surface.

No, I'm not here to put you down or put anyone down and tell you what
it's all about. Hell I don't what the worlds about. If I did I'd be on
my way up above and out. I'll be going to that next level, but no I'm
on the same level with you trying to make it through the world. Trying
to bide my time and deal with all the things I'm supposed to, but
sometimes I can't take the shit and sometimes my mood does go wack ,
and yes I get to that point and I don't want to say shit, do shit and
definitely don't want to put up with shit. I shouldn't have to, and the
mere fact that you think I should tells me you ain't, that's right
ain't shit. I don't have to deal with anything in the world like this.
I don't have to deal with all the petty ante stuff. Save the shit for
your girls and bows that go running out in the street and for those
people that want to be up on me about everything else. I think I got a
have a couple of words for you too. I could chose to say them right
now, but it's not worth it. Remember I'm not about that if you need to
talk to me about it then you come up to me other than that it's all
speculation.

Speculation that's what it's about, speculation of me and you and
everyone else. I can't deal with it sometimes and sometimes I can, but
sometimes we have those days when nothing makes sense and you can't
deal. That's right I can't deal and when you can't deal you do what you
can to make it through the day and when you can't make it through the
day the right way sometimes you go about the wrong way. Sometimes you
do things you normally wouldn't do. Sometimes you tell yourself that
it's alright and it's just what you're going through, but it's not
always the right thing, but at the same time I have to tell myself it's
not always about making you feel betters sometimes. It's just about
making it through the day and feeling good about myself even when it
seems like I can't. That's right that's how I deal and make it. If you
wonder what's wrong, wonder because all you can do is speculate, that's
right speculate. If my attitude is fucked up it must be for a reason.
Not always a reason you can understand, grasp or agree with. Sometimes
you may be on the level, sometimes you won't, but believe me it's all
about the speculation if you don't know what' it's about.

I'm me and that's it, no one else. I've never tried to be. If I have
I'd love to hear you tell me about it. It's not that I don't like you,
not that I hate you, but sometimes when you think it's not what it
seems. It's just pure speculation.