Life as it is

Ditz y Mitzies Diary

She'd considered staying in bed all day but her back ached more and of course she needed the loo.
Having been confined to the house, for fear of falling again in the ice, she was ready to pull her own finger-nails out. Ditz couldn't imagine how it might feel to suffer from agoraphobia or so ill that you must stay in bed all day. Yet she did know what it felt like to be mentally ill and wonder constantly what others thought of you; even if your life had been consistently mild and you'd not once in your life broken the rules of the land.

After years living in the same house and seeing the same views over the years that had past Ditz wanted to live somewhere else where she might remain for the rest of her life and rub shoulders with folk who knew nothing about her. The trouble had frankly been that her husband didn't agree and wanted to stay in the same house until he was carried out; hopefully not until he reached a hundred. She'd threatened to leave him but she could never do that for she still loved him in spite of their differences.

Yet she'd felt like punching his lights out, in spite of being a pacifist, when he'd refused to put in double glazing and thus remove the rotting window frames everywhere. They'd replaced the old kitchen with a nicer second hand one, actually it had been a given kitchen. Bill seemed depressed when Ditz had protested another two years later when she knew she'd have to stay in the same house but most certainly, she protested, not with the same kitchen. She was though quite remorseful when she saw him standing at the bottom of their long garden; complete with the forty year old double drainer.
'Why the double drainer near your scrap car, she enquired, as he stood there quietly with his hands in his pockets; close to his self -built shed as well as the other that was about to collapse into the neighbours garden.
Dits had to ask him.....' Why have you put that double drainer just there Bill?
' You won't like my answer !
Go on Bill just tell me....I'm sure I will not be shocked.
He kissed her at first....then told her not to react by shouting or swearing.
'It's just like this Pet. I've kept the double drainer near my shed in case you happen to die first.....that's all!!!!!!!!!!

It wasn't that Dits didn't try to fit in with Bills frugal ways nor that he was wrong whilst she was right rather that they were just different people with idea's about how they might spend their retirement years; it certainly wouldn't be with gold plated knickers or a sprawling second home close the coast.

They'd managed to get a second hand hearth which included the surrounds as well as the electric fire for the bargain price of just sixty pounds. Most things she'd got for her first brand new kitchen at half price or less. She sort of understood how distressed he was when he'd worked over-night to drag/break/tear off tiles she'd tried to stick down in their porch with the strongest of glues. He seemed to have tears in his eyes and his whole body shook whilst he stood with his thin hands on his slim hips and said he rather that she left diy work in the future. She'd kept away from him for the rest of the week-end until she thought he might forgive her.
However.....he'd never find out how she'd taken the blow torch to their kitchen window frame....until the window glass shattered from corner to corner; he didn't know as she had rushed to the yellow pages to seek out a man who could quietly put it all right before her poor Bill returned home following a long day at work.
Surely the computer was right.
It was there, right in front of her, not something she could ever expect that would happen to her. What sort of car would she buy, probably nothing too ostentatious; a bright red mini coupé would fit the bill. But she might pop down to Norfolk to buy a semi-detached close to Cromer. They had found this special sea-side had ticked all the boxes when their
children were small. Not too much in the way of amusement arcades,kiss-mequick-hats or bingo.
Then, with this trauma over, he might buy himself some new clothes; to go with his new socks and; as it was he'd only decide to throw his old pant out when there were more holes than material where his cheeks would rest.

Oh, I should mention now dearest diary that the win wasn't a win at all but a scam carried out on the busy internet. The email had assured her how she had won millions but it couldn't be released until bank details were given then they'd sent the cheque by special delivery.
Ditz might have been ditzy but not that ditsy so the following email was written and promptly sent....
Dearest p.c. Copper I will be delighted to have the cheque you mention and will arrange for P.C. Copper to meet you at the front door carrying nice shiny handcuffs and taken to little room with iron bars and a very hard bed.

Money, now who needs money when happiness can arrive with walks in the countryside or sea-side or even in the back garden with people who we love very well.