THE PRICE -Part 4

He hesitated. For the first time he was beginning to lose his nerve and she sensed it. She repeated the question, certain now of his need for her.
"I need you. I want you", he said quietly. Not now the brash approach. It might be a technique, she thought, but pushed it from her mind. Even if it was, she too was being caught in his need.
She walked to the door and locked it, and he understood the gesture. She joined him on the bed and he put his arms round her, in a fashion both gentle and desiring. Jean had had one or two sexual experiences but this was different. She was at once at ease and it occurred to her that this above all else was the most natural thing in the world, to offer comfort to someone in need in a physical sense. They made love and Jean was aware that this was unique, for her at least. She could not guess at his feelings, for he had a habit of being both withdrawn and bluntly honest, but he smiled at her and she was extremely happy. They said goodnight and he said "I'll be in touch".
"Goodnight" she answered and discreetly he left her room.
They met frequently and carefully as they could. He would not stay long in case undue suspicions were aroused. Jean had ambivalent feelings about the situation. Providing comfort to a man whose wife was pregnant was one thing, but she doubted her ability to stay uninvolved. She knew that she was becoming far more attached to him than she ought. She knew that it must end, and the end came more quickly than she had anticipated.
Dave came one evening and was fidgety and excited. He drank her coffee silently.
"Jean, two marvellous things have happened to me this week. On Thursday I heard that we are off to Brown in the US in four weeks' time, and today my wife gave birth to my son".
"Double congratulations" she said. She knew of Brown university and realised that he must be good to be made an offer from them. She turned to collect the coffee cups not wishing him to see that although she was thrilled for him, that for her this was the end.
Recomposed, she said "What will you call him? Tell me what does he weigh? And your wife, is she ok?"
"Hang on" he replied, now relaxed because she wasn't going to be 'silly'.
"My son, is to be called Benjamin, my wife's choice,not mine. He weighed in at 6lb 9 and he has dark hair and is going to be just as clever as I am".
"Marvellous", she echoed his feelings but he did not notice the sarcasm.
"And the post I have at Brown, Jean, is better than I had hoped. I am to supervise for six months some graduate work on Econometrics with the greatest authority in the world today. We are to leave in four weeks time so that we can get accommodation organised. My wife should be fighting fit by then."
"Jean, I want to tell you how much this interlude has meant to me. You're a nice kid and we've had a smashing time together. I hope you will always remember that".
She nodded feeling physically sick and said "I'm very glad for you Dave," but found that she could add little else. Dave continued to fill in the details about his son and his trip.
"I'll write to you"he said, but she felt there was liitle enthusiasm in his statement.
"That'll be nice" she said in a totally inadequate way. What can you say after all when your world falls apart.
She saw little of Dave in the weeks that followed. He was busy with his plans and she busied herself with her work, with little real heart for anything. She would be glad she felt when he had gone. She could then reconstuct her feelings, could then mend some of the wounds she had brought on herself. He rang her briefly before he left on the communal telephone down the corridor and she was polite.
Jean threw herself into a frenzy of work. She had plenty to do. She made some new friends, particularly another Politics student to whom she talked briefly and who was sympathetic. Nick, after listening to an outline of the affair had some understanding of how she felt, but cruel in his analysis of the situation."My dear Jean" he said, "you must know that men are pretty unfeeling as regards encounters such as yours. Dave did not treat you very well, you know. He was egotistical and selfish. He let you give to him what he wasn't getting at home and then promptly drops you and says 'thanks for a nice time'. There are men about who do not treat women like that you know and I think you'd do well to look around a bit more rather than pining away here in your room.."
"You're right Nick, I'm well aware of the situation, but I just cannot understand why I got involved in the first place. I knew all the rules and I knew all the consequences and yet I still did not hesitate. If you can come up with an answer as to why, I'd like to know because I'd want to avoid another such episode."
Kissing her gently on her forehead, he said "Any time you need me, I'll be here to help", and she knew he meant it and she was glad.
She had a brief note from Dave in the Spring. "Everything going well. Great place to work in. Nice accommodation". It was written on a postcard from Boston showing the historical sights. It was all so impersonal, but it was at least something, she said to herself. But what was the use. She didn't know what his plans were after Brown. She was not sure whether he would be staying out there and moving on to another part of the States, and indeed what was it to her. She had no part in his life now. She could not reply and even if she could what was there to say.
The end of year exams were soon over, and Jean found herself through them and had finished all her course work before the middle of June. She had packed up her room, which had to be vacated promptly when the term finished and she caught the university bus to London. Her parents sensed there was something wrong but were too polite to say anything. In a way Jean had grown apart from them and could not talk to them as once she had done, and now she found herself isolated and alone. Nevertheless the comfort her mother provided assuaged some of her unhappiness and she relaxed at last, sleeping and eating and enjoying herself in the summer sun.
"A letter Jean for you from the university", her mother announced one morning.
Oh hell, she thought, I bet I've got an overdue book and the library's chasing me.
But as she opened the envelope she saw that there was another inside, in a handwriting she immediately recognised. Dave's scrawl was clearly addressed to her.
"From someone nice?" her mother asked, and Jean nodded.
"Dear Jean," it said, "I shall be in London on the 28th June. Could we possibly meet at 10 30 am at Euston Station?" He went on to give her details of where but her heart pounded as if set in motion automatically. Blast the man, she thought. Why won't he leave me alone. But she also knew that she was going to see him. She looked at the date on the newspaper. The 28th was tomorrow.