The Game

Burning. That would be the best way to describe it. It was only slight at first, but my lungs gradually caught fire as my legs had to pump to keep me ahead of ‘the pack’. Sometimes it felt as if my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Even turning my head every few paces, to see if they were gaining on me, made my chest burn even more. They never seemed to tire. They always seemed to find the energy to shout at me ‘you know the rule of the game, Harry. You’re not safe until you shut your front door!!!’. Most days I managed to make it. Managing to slam the door shut, I would slump on my stairs as I heard their laughter fading into the afternoon. I had distance on them today, I was confident I would get home safely. They wouldn’t give up easily though. They never did. ‘The pack’ always gave their best, like a pride of bullying lions they pursued me with relish. I had already been caught once this week, I couldn’t handle another beating. It never lasted long, but it always hurt.

This was the only incentive I needed as I turned into my road. The ‘main man’ of ‘the pack’ broke away from his two faithful followers as usual, in an attempt to grab hold of me. Resembling a scruffy band of Olympic sprinters we played out the final stage of the race. I could see my house, I prayed that my mum had left the front gate open; this would give me a valuable second or two. I fumbled in my pocket for my door key and kept it ready in my hand. This was routine to me now, easy fluid movement born out of repetition. ‘Thank fuck’, I thought as I noticed that the front gate was open.

I managed to find one last burst of acceleration as I turned into the garden. The main man was pretty close now; I could hear him laughing through his heavy breath. My throat was so dry. I got the key in the door first time. I only ever opened it enough so I could slip through into the hallway. I managed to crash into the house and slam the door shut. The ‘main man’ was just outside; again his breathy laughter let me know how close he was. ‘Good run today, you fat prick, see you tomorrow’ he shouted as he banged on the door.

I sat on the stairs, my ears ringing as the sweat running down the back of my neck turned cold. My breathing gradually began to return to normal.

This was my daily journey home, or as ‘the pack’ called it, ‘the game’. I stood up and walked over to the long mirror hanging on the hallway wall. My reflection reminded me why I was always the lucky contestant.

As I gazed through my cheap thick glasses, or ‘boffin goggles’ as most people called them, I saw the reason why I was singled out. My thin straw like hair sat on my oversized head like a ransacked birds nest. My arms were too short for the rest of my body and, my fat belly hung over my waist like a heavily pregnant woman. No wonder people told me I was ‘half a down’s syndrome’. I couldn’t fail to see how right they were. I tried to tell myself that I was better than the people that laughed at me. ‘It’s more important to be kind, than funny and good looking’ my mum told me. She was probably right, but it didn’t help when you were getting your head stuck down the toilet.

It was bad enough when I was at school. I thought that now I was at college, people would be a bit more grown up. But I was so, so wrong. ‘The pack’ showed me that college was going to be worse than school. I hated every single person there. Well almost everyone.

Catherine Leyland. Everybody fancied her. For most, it was the long legs or the blonde hair. For me it was the smile. It never failed to reach her dark, cloudy blue eyes. I first noticed her smile when I walked past her in the corridor. I stopped to let her pass, as the corridors were narrow. As she passed, she flashed that full smile and her eyes sparkled, I even managed to catch a brief smell of her perfume. She had only been at college for a couple of months, but she had already become the object of all the boys’ affections. Some of the girls too. Like an idiot I knew I was in love with her. Catherine was sexy. But she seemed kind as well. Seeing her made my daily torture, slightly bearable. Every night I would lay in bed, telling myself that the next day I would speak to her. Catherine would know it was more important to be kind, rather than funny or good looking, she must know.

The next day, I walked into the common room at college. I found a seat in the corner by the window. I always tried to get a seat there, as it gave me a good view of the rest of the room and, I could see whoever came through the door. This gave me an advantage, if ‘the pack’ arrived. I put my bag down and took my bottle of water from it. As I took a couple of gulps, the common room door opened. In walked Catherine, along with two other girls. Catherine was smiling as usual. I felt my cheeks begin to burn as I stared at her. My stomach tightened as I watched her walk over to the coffee machine. Then the common room door opened again. In swaggered ‘the pack’, the ‘main man’ led the way as he did every day. His two deputies followed his trail over to the coffee machine.

I saw the ‘main man’ approach Catherine. He spoke to her; I couldn’t hear what he said as they were way out of my earshot. I concentrated on Catherine’s face as she replied, still smiling. I saw her shake her head as she spoke to the ‘main man’. Then his face screwed up and he put his scrawny little right hand on her arse. I saw Catherine jump back as he did this. The whole common room heard her shout ‘fuck’off!. Everyone in the room also heard ‘the pack’ laugh as she did so.

The ‘main man’ then casually shouldered past Catherine and bought himself a cup of the cheap watery coffee that the vending machine offered. I watched this all happen and, felt ashamed that all I could do was sit on the worn out sofa and watch this happen. How I wished I had the guts to stand up to the ‘main man’ and tell him to leave Catherine alone. It could be the perfect opportunity to show Catherine I existed and prove to all the other onlookers that I existed and mattered.

But I stayed glued to the seat. I stayed there for a further ten minutes. I avoided eye contact with ‘the pack’ and read my book. But then a voice came billowing across the room. ‘Oi downsey, you fat cunt’. Without looking up, I knew it was the ‘main man and that he was talking to me. I pretended I didn’t hear him and kept my gaze on the book. I felt my cheeks becoming flushed, as I heard the laughter of my fellow students. ‘I’m talking to you downsey, don’t ignore me.’

I knew I couldn’t stay in the room much longer. ‘The pack’ would soon make their way over to me. I looked up and unbelievingly I made eye contact with Catherine. She had a look in her eye that I thought I recognised as sympathy. The temperature in my cheeks rose a few degrees. Perhaps she did recognise that it was more important to be kind.

I grabbed my bag and darted out of the common room. I walked quickly down the corridor. I had twenty minutes before my first class started. I felt relief wash over me, now that I was out of the room and there was a little distance between me and ‘the pack’. I continued down the corridor and walked out into the part of the college grounds they called the manor lawn. In reality this was just a patch of grass with a pair of weather beaten benches stuck in the middle. The manor lawn was deserted. This wasn’t surprising as it was the middle of December and, only a mad man or a loser running away from his tormenters would be outside in this cold weather. I sat down on one of the benches and dived back into my book. I wasn’t alone for long.

I heard there footsteps first, then the ‘main mans’ voice. ‘I was talking to you downsey’. That voice was so distinctive, it never failed to fill me anxiety. I looked up this time. I was just about to tell him to leave me alone when his two followers grabbed one of my arms each and lifted me to my feet. The ‘main man’ walked and stood directly in front of me. I could smell the cheap coffee on his breath. I then felt his clenched fist sink into my stomach. This knocked the wind out of me. I gagged as I tried not to vomit. ‘Don’t hit him in the stomach, jay, you might lose your hand in the fat’, this from one of the followers. I would have sunk to my knees if not for the hands holding me up. I took some comfort for the support they offered. But the ‘main man’ wasn’t finished. Pain exploded through me as his right foot connected with my testicles. It felt as if my nuts had been clamped in a vice. The followers could hold my weight no more. I slumped to the floor and covered my screaming balls with both hands.

The ‘main man’ and his followers then all took hold of me and began to pull me towards the toilets that stood at the end of the manor lawn. I didn’t try to resist due to the pain ripping through me. I knew what was going to happen. It had been some weeks since ‘the pack’ had flushed my head down the toilet. As we entered the toilet the stench hit me. It was a mixture of stale urine and cheap industrial bleach. ‘The pack’ were all laughing, almost hysterically. They pushed me into the cubicle that was furthest away from the entrance and let me drop onto the floor. ‘You have got to learn some manners, downsey’, the main man said. ‘Why don’t you just flush my head in the toilet and then leave me alone’ I pleaded. I was ashamed when I heard the tone of my voice. I hated that it was so high pitched and desperate. ‘Who said we were going to put your head down the toilet, downsey?’, was the reply from the main man. As he said this he was unzipping the fly of his jeans. I wanted to get up and run out of that disgusting stinking excuse for a toilet, but my fear wouldn’t let me. Instead I remained on the sticky floor and turned my head away as the ‘main man’ ejected a warm stream over me.

I felt like a tortured animal as he soaked me. Tears ran from my eyes and mixed into his unwanted water. But as the urine ran into my mouth, I felt a strange unknown sensation rise in me. An unusual heat began to build in my stomach. My cheeks burned now, but not with the shame that I always felt when ‘the pack’ set on me. This was a good heat, somehow empowering. I felt my teeth clench and all the muscles in my body tighten. The heat continued to rise, as though it was fighting its way out.

The heat exploded in my head, I jumped to my feet, knocking the ‘main man’ back through the cubicle door and into his two pack hounds. He landed on the floor, his water hose still in his hand and a look of pure shock on his face. I ran out onto the still deserted manor lawn. I didn’t stop. I dashed out of the college gates, not looking back to see if the ‘The pack’ were giving chase. I only stopped when my lungs could no longer cope with the pace that my heavy legs setting. I finally sat down on the front wall of a house. As I sat I felt the dampness of the ‘main man’s’ piss on my jumper. It felt clammy and cold as it mixed with my drying sweat. My mouth burned with the taste of stale urine. As my breathing returned to a more normal pace, my stomach clamped and I vomited onto the pavement in front of me. My stomach retched uncontrollably before finally coming to rest. I felt confused by the anger that had gripped me whilst lying on the floor in that toilet. I made my way home, my thoughts a mixture of humiliation and intrigue.

That night as I lay in bed, I thought about the heat that had roared inside me earlier that day. I had never felt such a sensation before. It made me feel stronger and, somewhat less pathetic. I recalled that the heat began when the ‘main man’ emptied his bladder over me. This had never happened before. He was usually satisfied with flushing my head down one of the dirty toilets and, of course the timeless ‘game’. I couldn’t recall a time when I had experienced it. I couldn’t quite believe that this anger had allowed me to push my way out of the damp cubicle earlier that day. It was even more bizarre that it had helped me push the ‘main man’ to the floor. I smiled as I pictured the look on his thin face as he crashed to the floor.
My smile quickly faded as my thoughts turned to Catherine. The ‘main man’ had turned his attentions to her. A sudden panic gripped me as I realised that she too may become a victim of ‘the pack’. I wanted to warn her, I had to. But reality rushed in and, reminded me that to warn her, would require me to actually speak to her. This was something that only ever happened in my dreams.

As I inwardly cursed myself, the image of the ‘main man’s’ face drifted into the front of my mind. As it did, the angry heat began to stir in my stomach again. Surprise gripped me as again, my muscles tightened. My head span as it coursed through my body. For a moment I felt as if I was floating above the bed. It was then that the realisation that this heat would help me protect Catherine.

I had to use it, make it rise to the surface when I saw her. Then I would be able to talk to her.
The heat again, subsided and, I drifted off to sleep. I woke several times that night. A mixture of fear and excitement prevented me from full rest.

The next morning I took my usual seat in the far corner of the common room. I attempted to read my book, but concentration deserted me, as I hoped that Catherine would come walking in. My stomach was weak with fear, my breathing short with anxiety. A sense of de ja vu gripped me as I looked up and saw Catherine enter the common room, along with the same two girls as the day before.

I peaked over the top of my book as Catherine sat down at a table next to the coffee machine. She looked relaxed as she chatted with her friends, every so often her face would light up with that wonderful smile. The smile disappeared as the common room door swung open in a wild rush. Without looking round I knew what had caused the smile to evaporate. ‘The boys are back in town’ I thought, as ‘the pack’ entered the room, filling it like a bad smell.

The ‘main man’ wasted no time. He strutted his way over to me, only a couple of paces ahead of his two minions. He coolly lifted my book from my hands and chucked it onto the worn out sofa next him. I tensed waiting for him to hit me, before realising that he was far to cunning to actually lay his hands on me when there was a room full of people watching. There had never been a single witness to ‘The pack’s’ attacks on me. All anybody observed was the verbal assaults. The ‘main man’ was evil alright, but no one could accuse him of being stupid. He gently sat down next to me. The two other pack members kept a safe distance. As i felt his knee touch mine, i flinched. This bought a thin smile to his lips. ‘What’s wrong downsy, scared?’. You fucking should be you’re going to pay for pushing me over yesterday. I said nothing. I tried desperately to recall the angry heat that i had felt the previous day. I willed for it to fill my belly once again. But for some frustrating reason it failed to ignite.

I looked down at my feet, once again the failed coward. The ‘main man’ stood up directly in front of me, his crotch level with my head. ‘Next time, I’ll make sure i fill your whole mouth up with piss’. He then turned and walked in the direction of the coffee machine. I felt sure that they would get at me that day. I knew i had to get out of college and make my way home as soon as possible. ‘But what about Catherine’? i thought. I stopped gazing at my feet and my eyes rested on Catherine. She was still sitting with her two friends. She didn’t look as relaxed as she did before ‘The pack’ had entered the room.

As i looked at her my mind was fighting a civil war. One half wanted to run from the common room and hide away. The other wanted to stay and protect Catherine from the ‘Main man’ and his underlings. As the battle raged in my head i almost didn’t notice the ‘Main man’ lean on the edge of Catherine’s table. Like yesterday i was out of ear shot. Catherine was frowning, no sign of that smile. I stood up and walked nearer and, stood by the vending machine, hoping that i wouldn’t be noticed by her or ‘The pack’.

As i neared, Catherine’s voice became audible. ‘I don’t want to meet you tonight or any night thank you’. This she said to the ‘Main man’, who was still leaning on the table. I could see his face from my half hidden position. His face fell into a grimace as Catherine turned away from him and continued her conversation with her friends. ‘Well, make sure you get home ok. I wouldn’t want anyone following you. Catherine ignored this parting shot from the ‘Main man’, as he turned and walked back to his cohorts. The three of them left the common room.

Alarm bells were ringing through my head. The ‘main man’s’ words echoing in my ears. He was going to hurt Catherine. Visions of her being chased by ‘The pack’ filled my mind like an evil premonition. I saw her face filled with fear, I could hear her struggling for breath as she tried to get away from ‘The pack’ and win the game.
As this horror played in my mind, the heat shot into my stomach like a bullet. It filled my chest and exploded like a supernova. The anger was back. It shortened my breath and sharpened my senses. I told myself that i had to speak to Catherine, offer my help. I couldn’t let ‘The pack’ make her another unwanted player in the game.

My legs began to walk almost involuntarily towards Catherine’s table. My mind didn’t have any room left for fear. I stood next to her, as three pairs of eyes turned towards me. Catherine and her friends stopped talking and stared. I opened my mouth, certain that no words would come out, but like a miracle they did. ‘I would like to walk you home tonight Catherine. I heard what he just said to you. I want to make sure you are ok’. The words left my mouth like rounds from a machine gun, but i had said them. I felt relieved to have finally spoken to her.

Catherine’s reaction bought me crashing down to earth. Her hand covered her mouth as she gave a shocked laugh. Her two friends had awkward smiles on their faces. ‘I am so sorry for laughing!’. Catherine looked embarrassed as she spoke to me. The angry heat left my body in an instant. My cheeks still burned, but with shame not rage. I stood silent. ‘Thank you for the offer, but i will be fine, i don’t think i will get much trouble from that idiot’. With that she stood and glided out of the room along with her friends.
I rushed back to the tatty sofa, collected my book and bag and then rushed out of the common room. I kept my head down as i entered the corridor, making sure that if Catherine was out there i wouldn’t see her. I hid out in the first empty room that i discovered.

The textiles studio was always deserted at this time in the morning. Lessons didn’t start in there until 11 am. This gave me at least an hour. I didn’t intend on being there too long. I was surrounded by walls adorned with sheets of soft cloth of all shapes and sizes. The diverse colours made the room a calming place. As my embarrassment subsided i began to think about Catherine’s reaction to my offer of help.

‘Why had she laughed?’. This was the thought that puzzled me. I could understand her laughing at me. I had no illusions that i was the last person who could play the part of a bodyguard. But Catherine was nice; she wouldn’t laugh at me for that. She must be trying to act brave. That had to be it. But that would not save her, the ‘Main man’ would see through her act. I remained sat in the studio for a further twenty minutes, enough time for ‘the pack’ to give up looking for me. I was sure they would be. I couldn’t remember a day when they hadn’t. As i snuck out of the main gate and made my way home for another missed day of college, i still thought of Catherine.

I had to protect her. Why didn’t she understand that she was in danger? I had to make her see that ‘the pack’ had the power to make her beautiful smile disappear forever.

The bush was shady and, the grass underneath slightly damp. I remained crouched and hidden from view. It was a hard task to fit my considerable bulk behind the prickly leaves in Catherine’s front garden. My knees ached and strained as I rested my weight. My arms were covered in scratches from the leaves that dug into my arms like hundreds of tiny needles. I was sweating even though it was freezing cold. The house behind seemed empty, the front room blinds were down. I felt safe that nobody could see me. I hadn’t heard anybody walk past. The only sounds were a few birds tweeting innocently in the trees above and, my breathing. Catherine would understand me being here. I wanted to protect her. I had to. I was taking a massive gamble. If ‘the pack’ chose to enter her into ‘the game’, Catherine would struggle to beat them. She would have a chance though. Even I had managed to outrun them on occasions. But they never gave up and, as I well knew, she wouldn’t be safe until she had shut her front door.

It must have been an at least an hour I remained crouched in the bush, before I heard gentle footsteps on the pavement in front. The footsteps stopped briefly as I heard the garden gate open with a slight squeak. From my crouched position I saw a long pair of legs glide onto the path next to me. Even though the legs were covered with a pair of leggings I recognised them as Catherine’s. My legs were slightly numbed and both tingled with pins and needles as I struggled out of the bush. I fell to my knees on the grass next to Catherine; I saw her jump back and gasp as I landed. ‘Catherine, don’t be scared’ I said as I struggled to my feet. She had a puzzled and slightly scared look on her face. ‘What are you doing here, why are you in my garden?’

‘Please listen to me, they are going to make you part of the game if you don’t’. I was struggling to talk through my short anxious breath. ‘What game?, what the hell are you talking about?. Catherine sounded irritated; her voice had a high pitched tone. I recognised that tone. It was fear, I knew it well, and my voice often sounded the same. She couldn’t be scared of me; I was here to help her. It was ‘the pack’ she was scared of, it must be.

‘I know you’re scared of them, that’s why I am here. You heard what he said Catherine; he told you they would chase you home. You should have let me walk you home, why did you say no?’ I was almost pleading now; I desperately wanted her to see that I was being kind, that I was going to help her.

Then she smiled. That sweet unique smile, that always reached her eyes. This calmed me. Surely this meant that she was going to accept my help. She realised that I was kind. ‘Don’t be silly, they are never going to hurt me. I know they are horrible to you and, I think they should leave you alone. But they are just mouthy boys. I just ignore people like that’.

My heart sank, ‘ignore them?’, I thought. She was so wrong. I had tried to ignore them, but they never left me alone, they never would.
I tried to convince her again, almost begging. ‘You can’t ignore them Catherine. You don’t know what they are capable of, please listen to me’. I was fiddling with my hands, my nerves were shredded. I was rapidly running out of ideas of how to convince her to accept my help.
Catherine’s face still held that smile as she replied. ‘You are sweet, being so concerned about me. But don’t worry, I will be fine. Anyway, I am perfectly safe today. I am home now; they won’t be able to do anything to me, not now I am at my front door.’

When she spoke those words, the heat instantly erupted in my stomach. I saw a vision of the ‘main man’s face. It clouded my vision as the heat spread through my body. How had I not realised. Catherine never knew the rules of ‘the game’. How would she, the ‘main man’ had never explained them to her. Now I knew that I was going to have to help her even though she had declined my offer of assistance. I felt powerful now, I was going to stop ‘the pack’ from hurting her and, they didn’t even know it yet. She had laughed at me when I first offered my help at college, because she didn’t know the rules, not because she thought I was stupid. Catherine knew I was kind. And it was more important to be kind, rather than funny and good looking.

Catherine’s smile disappeared as her eyes froze on the pair of scissors I had taken from the textiles studio. Her face began to shake as I pulled them from my trouser pocket. ‘You’re not safe Catherine. It’s the rules of the game. You’re never safe until you shut your front door. The anger exploded from me when I shouted those words. My anger at ‘the pack’. It spewed out of me like lava from an erupting volcano, as I plunged the scissors into Catherine’s throat.

The colour drained from her pretty face. She let out a bubbly gurgle as I pulled the scissors out and then drove them back in. Thick warm blood spurted out over my front as the sharp blades did their work. I felt Catherine’s hands hit my shoulders, hard at first, but then softer as the light drained from her eyes. I held her up with my free hand as I felt her body slump. I laid her gently in the porch, her head resting against the door. I put the blood soaked scissors in my pocket. Catherine was safe now, safe from ‘the pack’. I had helped her. The ‘main man’ would never get to make her part of ‘the game'.

As the heat died within me, I took one last look at Catherine’s face. The smile was no longer there. But she still looked beautiful. I opened the garden gate; it gave a slight squeak as I did. Then I ran, as fast as I could. My legs pumped like pistons, a new energy powering me on. I kept this pace up as I turned into my road. As I neared my house I glanced up and noticed that the front gate was open. As I approached the gate I felt in my pocket and took out my door key. Smoothly as ever I slid the key into the lock and opened the door. Just enough, so I could slip through into the hallway. I slammed the door behind me and slumped onto the stairs. As my breathing returned to normal, I felt good. The sweat ran down my back and chest. Catherine’s blood was still soaking wet on my top. I smiled now; I had beaten ‘the pack’. For once, I was one step ahead of ‘the game’.