NOT Afraid of the Dark

NB: includes reference to abuse, including domestic abuse. 

A couple of weekends ago I re-watched for the umpteenth time a couple of episodes of the 1995 TV version of Pride and Prejudice and found myself smiling as Charlotte Lucas, in speaking of her marriage to the fussy and obsequious Mr Collins confides in her friend Elizabeth Bennet: 'I find that I can bear the solitude very cheerfully, I find myself quite content with my situation Lizzie.'  

Since the enforced solitude resulting from the Covid-19 lockdowns I have myself become very interested in the connections and differences between solitude and loneliness and I believe that one does not necessarily lead to the other. Indeed, it is very possible to experience loneliness when in the company of others, including one’s life partner. Mrs Lucas discovered that one way to avoid this was to ensure that her husband was kept occupied elsewhere for much of the time.

Most recently I’ve been reflecting on issues of safety and danger in relation to both solitude and partnership. I volunteer for a national phone-line based charity and undertake a half-night shift approximately once a month. As I don’t drive I bed down for a few hours (before the first train of the day) at 3am when my duty is complete. On a few days of the week there is no 3am - 7.30am shift rostered so this means that I’m often in the building on my own at night, into the early morning. I usually don’t sleep that much, but it is not the aloneness that keeps me awake, neither am I afraid of the dark, rather it is the wish to rather be at home in my own much comfier bed. I find it interesting then that on almost every occasion when this has happened a colleague has said ‘will you be ok Gayle, won’t you be frightened?’, or something similar. I always reply that’ll I’ll be fine, that I’m used to being home alone and even, on the one time that they were mentioned; ‘no, don’t worry, I’m not afraid of ghosts’.

It's not that I don’t appreciate the interest, the care, for I do. But still I find the concern rather odd given the risk, or rather lack of it, involved. A brief google search confirms my perplexity. According to StaySafe.org (it’s a US site but I’m assuming similarities across the Western world) the five main causes of death in the home (I appreciate the building I’m in after my volunteer night duty isn’t a home but it is in a residential area and of a similar structure and type to those around it) are:  

1. Falls are the leading cause of death when it comes to home accidents (making up a third of all fatalities)

2. Poisoning

3. Carbon Monoxide

4. Fire Hazards

5. Drowning

I’m pretty certain though that these risks are not what concerns those concerned for me. So what is their worry based on? A long remembered feeling stemming from their own memories of fear of the bogeyman perhaps? The bogeyman, also sometimes spelled boogieman or boogie man, appears in many literary and film-based forms, aimed at both children and adults. Sometimes described as a ghost, sometimes a monster, the bogeyman originates in folklore as a scary being, the image and description of which is used to frighten children into good behaviour. Children themselves, without any prompting, sometimes go through a period of imagining monsters and other bad things lurking under their beds, in their cupboards and in bedroom shadows. Imagination of course does not end as we age and there are probably times when we all need to turn on a bright light to calm our thoughts and fears of unknown terrors.

Back to the real, rather than the imagined, what else other than household accidents are we most at risk of in the home? Data from the 2021 Census available from Office for National Statistics (ons.gov.uk) in response to the question ‘Where do violent crimes occur?’ shows that Incidents of domestic abuse * were most likely to occur around the home. Home in this instance includes home premises, whether inside or outside, garage or shed, home car parking area or nearby street to home.

Both women and men experience incidents of inter-personal violence and abuse, but data shows that women are considerably more likely to experience repeated and severe forms of abuse, including sexual violence. They are also more likely to experience sustained and repeated physical, psychological or emotional abuse (including coercive and controlling behaviours), or violence which results in injury or death. Additionally, women are more likely to experience higher levels of fear.

Some more detail: between April 2016 and March 2019 222 women were killed by a partner or ex-partner. The majority of suspects were male (218, 98%). Between the end of March 2017 and the end of March 2019 there were 83 male victims of domestic homicide, the suspect was female in 39 cases, and male in 44 cases. Studies also show that 83% of high frequency victims (more than 10 crimes) are women. (For more detail on all of this see Domestic abuse is a gendered crime - Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk) Similarly, The World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap Report 2020 found that between a fifth and nearly a half of women (depending on lived location) globally suffer physical or sexual abuse from their male partners.

I do appreciate, as others point out, that because of societal expectations surrounding men and masculinity it may be harder for men to disclose. But, I also know it to be the case that there are many woman who do not speak of their experience of domestic abuse either. Data also suggests that we need to move beyond binary definitions, not least because of the significant amount of violence experienced by trans people. And, with reference to violence within the home more generally, we know that disabled adults including those with learning disabilities, are more likely to experience violence than non-disabled adults as are those living with mental health issues. Vulnerable older people, children, gay, lesbian, bisexual and some ethnic groups are also particularly at risk.

To return to the 2021 census, similar to previous years, the violent crime varied by the victim-perpetrator relationship; with the large majority of incidents of domestic violence occurring around the home (78%), incidents of stranger violence being most likely to occur either around work (30%) or in the street (21%) and incidents of acquaintance violence most likely to take place at work^. Specifically in and around the home domestic violence accounted for 78.2% of all violent crime, acquaintance violence for 16.4% and stranger violence for 7.5%.

Taking all this into account it would appear then that too many women have much more to worry about than Charlotte Collins’ boredom of her husband and that I have relatively little to fear, other than perhaps my imagination, from either being alone at home or alone in the building where my voluntary work takes place.

***

*Domestic abuse here is not limited to physical violence and can include a range of abusive behaviours. It can also be experienced as repeated patterns of abusive behaviour to maintain power and control in a relationship. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 defines domestic abuse as any incident or pattern of incidents between those aged 16 years or over who: 

• are a partner 
• are an ex-partner 
• are a relative 
• have, or there has been a time when they each have had, a parental relationship in relation to the same child.