The Fear

The road had been laid for me at the age of twenty one
The drugs had seen to that, my life was undone
I can remember falling apart, that horrible feeling
The wretched unravelling of my entire being
At first I told no one, alone I did suffer
Fantasies of ending it all, but surely it couldn’t get any tougher
I just hung on desperately, surviving each day, hoping that the terror would just go away
You see what I realise now, is that I was always had fear
When I turned to the drugs, they seemed to make me more clear
From nineteen for two years I smoked and felt calm
But towards the end I tried hard drugs that did me the harm
They called it a whitey, the ecstasy’s affect
If I’d known what was to come I’d have wished I was dead
My parents, when I told them about how I was suffering
They told me “don’t go to the doctor you’ll end up in the asylum”
But I went and the idiot put me on an antidepressant
The fit that resulted made me an epilepsy contestant
Eventually they found a drug that eased the anxiety within
I took so gladly and then started on the gin
Over the years the dosage has been reduced
Now I hardly take any, there is no longer the use
Twenty years of this and all I can think of is why
I took drugs as a teenager just to get by