The Untouchables

‘Sometimes I don’t know if I should kill myself or everyone around me.’ Are you listening? Asked John. The bartender was cleaning some glasses and said: 

‘Yeah I am listening so what happened next?’ 

Pha that old cunt. I said: 

 ‘Sunshine came out of my ass as I was riding an unicorn’ 

The bartender pretending to listen said: 

Yeah, I hear you. I think so too. 

The
door opened a young man entered. ‘Don’t have an umbrella, a?’ said the
bartender. All wet the young man sat down. His head down stood there for
some time and asked for a whiskey. Hey I know you. ‘Tom we went to same high school together,’ Tom turned around and saw John. He smiled. ‘Nice to see you.’  

‘Nice to see you too. I thought you went to New York.’ 

 ‘Yeah I did’  

‘So what brought you back?’  

‘Well,
from where do I begin. I was going to do photo shooting in here. But
there was a problem in the airport. They arrested me because they
thought that my id is fake. My contact lenses have a different shade of
blue than my eyes and I forgot to take them off. So they arrested me and threw me in jail. Until I got to go to a court and resolve the misunderstanding. I had to wait 4
weeks. And there were like real criminals in there with me. Every now
and then they would naked search me but as if that wasn’t enough my boss fired me for not turning
up at the photoshoot. And out of nowhere my girlfriend split up with
me.’  

‘Whoa what a time you had a?’ said John 

‘Now my phone battery is dead. I have no home to return to and I got no money. I don’t know what to do.’ 

‘That’s alright everything will be well soon enough. Till then you can stay with me.’ 

‘But I don’t want to. Ill go to a shelter for homeless people. ‘ 

‘No way. You stay with me. It all be fine. I live alone anyway. There is enough room for everyone. I got like 30 bedrooms. ‘ 

‘What? Didn’t you live in your car in high school.’ 

‘Well, for a brief time everyone has lived in a car.’ 

‘How come now you got a house with 30 bedrooms’ 

‘Well I did well in business.’ 

‘Everyone thought that you'll go to the electric chair or somewhere up in the mountains.’ 

‘And you thought that I'll turn up great. You were right.’ 

‘So, you have a mansion? Really?’ 

‘Yep. I'll show you. C'mon let's go this bar makes me depressed.’ 

‘Ok’ said Tom 

‘On the way to there, Tom realised that John is drunk driving. ‘ 

‘Aren't you too drunk to drive, John?’ 

‘Don’t worry there are no cops on the way I have done this a million times.’ 

‘It's not about the cops. It is dangerous to drive drunk, John.’ 

‘Don’t worry I drive better when I am drunk.’ 

Tom started sweating as John started speeding as well. 

After not a long time they arrived at John’s mansion. 

The lights were on they showed all the house and the big garden at night.  

Whoa this is your house? Asked Tom 

Yep it’s a beauty isn't it. It's been in my family for generations. 

What does your family do?  

Well, we are in oil business.  

Why do you live alone? 

Well, Mom and Dad died. And my brothers moved out. 

So, I am all alone. 

Aren't you scared to live alone in here if something happens? I doubt that anyone will hear.  

Yeah, I doubt that too, but I got machineguns and grenades and other tools for safety. 

Tom was confused John didn’t seem to be joking. He was always strange and hard to understand. 

John opened the door and said: 

‘So get it.’ 

Tom got in. The house looked even bigger from the inside. 

John gave Tom a glass of whiskey. And took one for himself. 

They drank and talked. 

It was beyond sleep time. 

Let me show you where you'll sleep. 

Took him by his hand and went to a room. ‘Here you can crash in here. ’ 

It was quite a nice bedroom. Luxurious even. And that was just one of many bedrooms. It didn’t make any sense. John who used to sleep in his broken car now owns this. Something is wrong here though Tom.  

Tom
had a long blond hair tied up from behind. Blue dreamy eyes. Always
clean shaved. Skinny. Which is opposite to John who had short, black
hair. Very muscular. As if he works out all the time. A large black
thick beard. Their characters were complete apposite too. Tom was a
gentleman, sensitive and emotional. While John never showed emotion. And
if he had any it would be hard to see behind his black sunglasses that
he carries all the time. His speech was raw and deep.  

Tom
was kind of scared from many and for many things. For his future and
for his life as he was very sceptical that John had good intentions. But
he had no choice but to come with him. He was scared that he will not
find any job. Nothing made sense. As if this is a nightmare last few
week was a nightmare and soon, he will wake up and everything will be fine  

Suddenly the door opened. It was John.  

‘Here I brought you a machine gun. In case a thief shows up.’ 

Tom was visibly scared of guns. 

‘And here if some dynamite if they are many. Sleep well’ 

Tom was now very scared there were literally couple of sticks of dynamite and a huge machinegun. 

‘What did I do, I should have never come to this place, ’ thought Tom.  

He fell asleep somehow. But late at night. He couldn’t sleep well because of the weapons and everything that happened to him. 

John
from the other hand was sleeping so well that he was snoring like a
wild pig. The next day Tom wake up late and had to go to the bathroom.
But he didn’t know where the bathrooms were. And John wasn’t there.
After looking around for a long time, he couldn’t hold it so he did his job in a vase. Just when he was done John came. ‘Ah yes I
see you have noticed the ancient vase. It costed me 100 grand but it was worth it it's from Athens. You know, the Greeks.’ Its beautiful isn't it. Tom was scared as John could easily take him down. ‘Yes I have’ uttered Tom scared for his life. ‘How about you show me around, John.’  

Sure, but first things first we must shoot to you know to wake up. 

‘What do you mean?’ Tom was confused. 

‘Come I'll show you,’ John took Tom to his shooting range. 

There was a bar and behind it a well-dressed British butler. 

‘Good afternoon sir. How would you like to start your day today. Maybe a shotgun with cup a tea.’ 

‘Tea? You are my new butler for sure. Now I feel better.’ 

‘Iam bit confused. Perhaps you may explain why you feel better. Was the former butler so bad?’ 

 ‘No,
he was great. But sometimes I think that the aliens kidnap humans and
put aliens in disguise in their places. So I will have the big
machinegun over there and whiskey. Tom  what would you have?’ 

‘Oh, I am good.’ 

‘He is little bit shy give him a shotgun and a vodka to loosen him up’ 

There were targets and John took his position and started shooting at them. The butler told him to move his whiskey because its too close to the firing machine gun and it would get hit. 

‘Your turn, Bob.’ 

‘Who is bob,’ thought Tom. 

John put his hand on Toms shoulder and said: 

‘Let's go Bob don’t be shy’ 

‘I
guess I have no choice,’ thought Tom and took a position on the range
nervous and scared. He shot with the shotgun couple of times and they
all missed the target. 

‘Bob, listen to me now. Be calm and aim better. That will do.’ 

‘My shoulder hurts,’ said Tom.  

‘Drink some vodka that will fix it. Now that we have waken up. Lets go. I have some people to meet today. Come with me’ 

‘It would be as bad as the shooting range ,’ thought Tom and went with John. 

They
got in his Cadillac and went to a place called ‘Geek centre’. It was a
place where all fans of fiction from dungeons and dragons to star wars would meet. It was huge and people showed their amateur comic books played games and debated over movies and books. 

Tom now felt relieved from all the place John could take him this place never came to mind. 

‘You don’t look like a geek, John. What are we doing in this place? You won't rob it right? I hope’ 

‘Don't worry I won't. Why would I. This is one of my happy places.’ 

Tom
was a bit sceptical. Because not only John didn’t look like a geek. He
just had absolutely nothing to do with geeks. ‘There something big going
on this Is just a piece of Johns wicked plan. But I cant see what he is trying to do. When there Is a chance, I will get away from him but now I'll just play along.’ thought Tom 

They
went in there and started to look around. John saw one of his friends
Tim. Tim was an enormous Star Wars fan just like today he often wore a
Star Wars outfits. ‘Hello, John, did you watch the last Star Wars movie.’  

‘You bet there were lasers and fighting pew pew pew. It was tremendous.’ 

‘Yeah that sounds like Star Wars aright. I watched it 5 times, today.’ 

‘But you know what bugs me,’ asked john. 

‘What?’ 

‘They can't aim properly. If I was there the jedi would be dead 

’The stormtroopers are elite warriors. They can aim well. It just that the jedi are fast.’ 

‘Not fast enough for me. If I was there, I am telling you they can't aim for shit.’ 

The fat ugly friend of John in Star Wars outfit with his little lightsabre said: 

 ‘So, you are goanna lecture me on Star Wars?’ 

While
they were talking Tom though that he could slip away but where would he
go? He has no place to go to. Everything was so grim he thought that he
better find some distractions because he felt like he is goanna faint. 

John noticed and asked him if there was something wrong 

Tom
said that everything was ok and went to the bathroom. He washed his
face with cold water to calm himself. And asked himself what was really
going on. He hasn't seen John for years. Even in high school they
weren't that close. Now he invited Tom to his house and where did he get
that house he had no money, no house in high school now he has even a
Buttler. What is going on?  

Anyway he went out of the bathroom and looked around to distract himself. He
found John reading a comic book that was made from two women. Tom took
one too and started reading. ‘I thought that comic books were more for
boys.’ said Tom. ‘Omg I can't believe that you are mysoginicstics’ 

‘You mean a misogynist?’ 

You
know what I mean. You know that I am not good with words. Why do you
have to rub it in my face? You think you so great with your collage?
When I finally shoot big foot ill show ya. Then I am goanna be like oh that’s not how you say that. 

They
stayed in the Geek centre for a while they read some comic books and
talked to people. It was getting late and they saw all therefore they
went back home. John was kind of bored, so he picked up his guitar and started playing. Tom said:  

‘I never knew you played the guitar.’ 

‘Yeah I play it from time to time.’ John replied. 

‘Do you write your own songs?’ Tom asked politely. 

‘Well, you know you might finish writing a song you might finish the bottle. You might not finish the song.’ 

John
played the guitar and Tom listened. He was better than expected. He can
play the guitar well. They drank, talked, joked and played the guitar.
Tom thought that the reason John makes him drink so much is to make Tom
pass out and then John could kill him or do whatever he likes. Tom knew
that there is something wrong here. Nothing made any sense. The big
mansion, the fact that John just took him under his wing, and everything
made no sense. But Tom didn’t care anymore even if John wants to kill
him so be it. Tom world collapsed Infront of his eyes. His girlfriend
left him, he lost his job, no money no nothing. If it wasn’t for John he would be on the streets right now. But what are John’s true
intentions? Perhaps he is a serial killer. He drags his victims with
smiles and promises and then he eats them. How could he get such a
mansion when he used to sleep in his car. Perhaps he killed the owners and took their place. Or maybe he does
have good intentions after all. ‘I am going to Alaska. Next week.’ 

‘To Alaska? What are you going to do there?’ 

‘Well, one of my friends has birthday there.’ 

‘Why all the way to Alaska? Can't he do it here?’ 

‘He lives there so that’s why. He used to live here but he had to go to Alaska for a job. So, would you like to come?’ 

‘I don’t know. What would I do with room full of people I don’t know?’ 

‘Youll get drunk. And talk to them. Get to know them.’ 

‘Iam not sure if I want to travel all the way to Alaska’ 

‘Yeah I though you would say that. It’s a long flight. Any way I am going to bed its late. See you in the morning’ 

Tom
was tiered he can't keep up with John’s pace. He stayed all night with
him out of politeness. He would be in his bed long ago. The next
morning, they started shooting again to wake up. John took Tom to one of
his friends. They were supposed to meet few hours ago, but John lost
his sense of time. ‘it's funny how time flies’ said John. And went with
tom to meet his friend. They were speeding as they were late. Tom
thought to himself ‘In what kind of a mess did I get myself into? I know
we will crash and die I just know it.’ They arrived and John knocked on
the door. Somebody opened and John said:  

‘Hey, my homie how are you?’ 

‘I told you, you should not use that word. Do you say that to everybody or just when you see black people? That’s racist’ 

‘Don't get all mad. I always forget that. Any way are you coming to Alaska for Richards party.’ 

‘You know me. You know I am coming. I haven't ordered my tickets yet. We should fly together. Did you buy your tickets? If not lets order 2 seats in the front next to each other. Flying is boring. Especially all the way to Alaska. ’ 

‘Iam going to fly on my own plane’ 

‘Wow you got your won plane? Great well fly on private plane?’ 

‘Dress thick because it gets cold on the plane because of wind and stuff?’  

‘What do you mean? It gets cold because of wind?’ 

‘Yeah the plane is old and open not like todays fancy planes, but she can take you anywhere.’ 

‘So, what you mean is that you will fly on a open old plane like those in world war 2?’ 

‘Yeah she is old from world war 2 but she flies great.’ 

‘Man, you are crazy. What the fuck is wrong with you. Why can't you fly commercial?’ 

‘I like piloting and stuff.’ 

‘You like piloting and stuff?’ asked John’s friend with utter confusion. 

‘I have won the classic plane championship. Like 2 or 3 times already’ said John 

‘Oh, ok great. You are goanna fly all the way to Alaska on a 100-year-old plane?’ 

‘Yeah I don’t see a problem with that’ 

‘You don’t see a problem with that?’ asked Johns friend with amazement 

‘Are you coming with me?’ asked John  

‘So, let me get this straight. You are going to fly to Alaska on a 100-year-old plane? ’  

‘Yeah’ 

‘I think I will pass on that.’ 

‘This is my friend Bob. I don’t think you have met him.’ 

‘Hi bob my name is Jack. Are you going with him on his plane’ 

‘Nope.’  

‘I thought so.’ 

‘So anyway come in.’ Jack invited his friends. 

They
went in and too