I Bought You That Shawl

David looked at Annette, her eyes were teary. He had not seen her in just over a year. Her eyes were also teary then. He had constantly thought of the words he was to say to her; an explanation as to why he had left; the situation he was in now; all the general talk associated with a leave of absence. Though all the planning, he still could not remember much of the speech whilst they stared directly at each other.

Even with watered vision, Annette saw everything. The courtyard, the church, other people. And, of course, David’s eyes. She turned away from each, half facing the sun through the leaves and branches of an oak tree, only to have the blue pair still stained in her mind. Annette never forgot the way each shone especially when David spoke. She never forgot his voice; he could always sweet talk her.

She sat down, cross legged upon grass and fallen leaves preparing for conversation. David still looked at her from standing point as she brushed blonde hair behind one ear – an ear that had heard all of his words in the past. The arguments, the jokes, the nags, the complaints. Everything. David had shared all his thoughts with Annette. Yes it had been a year, but still, ‘he knew how to talk to her, right?’ He told himself. David knelt down and began to speak.

“Look, being with you is great and I have had a wonderful time. I enjoy you, your friends and just the times in general. I remember holding you, Annette. You always said you could not sleep until you met me. I hope you can, even now that we’re apart. I mean, we are not apart… I mean. I left you but it was at a bad time in my life. The lies… the… well, I know. I sound like a bastard. Just another typical man who was out to hurt you, maybe that’s why I left you, but I’m here now. Does that count for anything?” David bit his lip. “Silly me, I can’t even admit that I’m not in your life anymore. You… you were the only one I ever loved… corny, I know. But it is the truth and if it means anything. Absolutely anything at all, I want you back... Stupid, stupid!” He shook his head; what was he saying? “But still, I’m here aren’t I? There must be a reason for that and I can only think is that that reason is you. Think about it; I’ve been away from you to find out the silly wisdom in exactly what I have missed… oh I don’t know, Ann, am I making any sense..?”

Annette sighed ‘Oh Dave…’

“-No, don’t answer that! Let me finish. I know you probably have no trust for me. I was the one who upped and left. Especially when we were going through a bad patch but if you think about it, I’ve never done that before. When have I ever done anything stupid before? I regret my decisions a year ago but I can’t take it back. I’m in between hell and heaven with decisions; yet all I wanted was to see you again. How would I know you’d be anywhere but here? Because I know you and I’ll admit you are the only one who knows me. I’ve been away and I almost… this is hard to say… I know you can’t take me back. I’ve hurt you. Just, hear me. Let me hear you say you forgive me and… and… I’ll leave.”

Annette pulled her black shawl further over her shoulders and body to stop the draft. The wind whistled. She could hear it purr. She could hear everything. The distant traffic, tweeting birds, leaves rustling. And, of course, David’s voice.

“I bought you that shawl. Remember? From Camden market after you said you wanted it but couldn’t afford it. I walked you down that shop… I forget the name; left you there and then I went back to the stall got it, brought it back and surprised you. That’s probably the sweetest thing I’ve done. Maybe the only thing… I wish you would say something.” Annette remained in silence, though further tears rolled picking up speed. “I could never stand you crying. That’s why I walked out of the house. But… but it’s not your fault, I should have been more of a man. Faced up to my responsibilities. I… we, wouldn’t be where we are right now…”

She turned to face him; she had anger in her; her cheeks were flushed red. David knew he had to pause. She jumped up suddenly to walk away and even when David reached out a hand to stop her, she was way beyond his feeble attempt. He could only look at the shape of her body as she walked. He felt the mistakes of the past haunt him in one barrage of feeling and without pausing for any thought to explain it he shouted “Wait!”

Annette stood still in her track. Her hair had blown furiously out of control yet she turned to face the wind, and David. Taking breaths and assured steps she approached him. From inside the black shawl she produced a single red rose, squeezed her eyelids of excess and placed the flower on the ground in front of where she had sat. ‘I love you.’ She whispered.