The Imaginary Number List

Krishod Anand

The Imaginary Number List

What does it mean if you want to get on a plane to die? Krishod Anand did so. Not for a crash or some sort of zeitgeist terrorist thing. Just death. Plain death. Not dramatic pieces in a complex business death.

“Death is merely the stop/cease of a life within a network.” He had said.

***
Krishod lived in England and from a certain age he knew that he wanted to commit suicide. This age was around nineteen; when he realised he could not figure everything out. A part of the problem was that he had tremendous ability at mathematics. Adding, subtraction, multiplication, division and all those easy bits. Then the even purer dimensions; like differentiation, trigonometry, physics, imaginary numbers and such. He blitzed GCSE maths (along with physics) four years early, then obtained A-Levels in pure mathematic, maths and mechanics and further mathematics three years later. He went on to do the degree, and was indeed flying until a lecture mid way through the second year tenure. The subject being on the history of mathematics. Philosophies and such. Not actual math, if understood. It was part of a two part series to give students an idea towards the background into the learning process of humanity in the field of numbers. Krishod assumed there would be tales of Pythagoras and his Egyptian thievery and other myths and legends he had read about at primary school. So he skipped the initial lecture (he could get away with skipping five lectures a year, this was his first and only skipped lecture in the almost two years he spent at Kings College University). Feeling guilty, he showed up at the final instalment to hear of something he had never thought possible. A philosophy not even to register within his very own brain scale, up until that point.

“Mathematics is fundamentally flawed.” The lecturer said.

Flawed is a very heavy word and ill associated with pure math. It cannot be wrong otherwise the world we live in would be wrong, or at the very least parts of it. Now, illogically, humanity can create incorrectness, no problem. But if maths is wrong then so is the formation of the universe. Then, of course, nothing is correct.
Before Krishod fell asleep on the night proceeding the lecture, he thought about imaginary numbers. He thought about the title ‘imaginary’. It was not entirely true, since mechanical mathematics has uses for the reality of a complex number like an imaginary one. But still he thought of the word ‘imaginary’.
Krishod Anand failed his second year finals and did not show up to re-sits as organised by lecturers who were extremely puzzled by his behaviours. That summer, he phoned the Apollo Video store on the Edgware Road speaking to a manager he worked under for a previous summer vacation and enquired into working full time. He was given the luxury. After securing the job, Krishod gave notice to his landlord and moved back in with his parents at there three bedroom house in New Malden. The mortgage was paid for; he merely slipped a few pounds in a pot for bills. This was the start of a two year period where Krishod put in process a plan he had figured out on the morning after the lecture he attended in that December, two years ago. Money was collated.

“I could save at least six grand a year if I lived at home.” He had said.

The following winter after Krishod’s discontent, he suffered from a very sore fist and wrist having stayed up for twenty four hours typing into a chat engine. There were people in his boat – this threatened him, yet he continued to speak to them for information. The information he received was rich.
When obtaining sleep, he awoke with repetitive stress induced hands and a stealing pain and throbbing in his right eye (eye strain). He took the day off work to recover and later that night he watched a movie as broadcast on BBC2 – ‘High Fidelity’, an American film based on the novel of the same name by Nick Hornby.
When Krishod’s hands were slightly better, he found a notebook he had been saving and wrote a top five list. Only one. It was important, however.

***
Which leads us to now; the second December after the December Krishod attended the lecture. Krishod boarded at his gate within Heathrow airport. In his hand a small back pack. His only luggage, he did not even place any at the bag drop. Within it; the most important artefact he presently cherished. A note pad with merely two remaining pages. One page had a list, the other was blank.
Aboard the plane, Krishod sat on seat 32F next to a man who was seated and ready for takeoff before he had even approached. Out of his pack, Krishod placed the notepad on his seat and then the bag above him. He sat down.

“I maybe wearing headphones but I am not listening to anything.” The man said.

Krishod Anand did not count for a conversation within his calculations. It had been two years since he was so meticulous but then mathematics is easier to control. This statement was purely the random variable that is indefinable before hand. A truly imaginary number. Krishod looked at his counterpart who smiled and nodded.
As the flight to New York took off and calmed, Krishod worked – a re-write upon the blank page of what had been previously printed on the first.

5 – Slitting One’s Wrists
Very messy. Very psychologically difficult; the thought of taking a blade to one’s self. Works for those who have the ability to direct problems within their lives at themselves. For self harmers, this has to be number one. For me, I think I could do it except, I am not completely sure – once you have slit one wrist (vertically and diagonally) you need to be quick in doing the other before weakness both physically and psychologically. Also, there is the factor of those who see you post death. All the blood etc. this could lead to a vision of another believing I have hated myself with a vehement desire. Suicide is just a business

Krishod and his seat partner, Alvin, engaged in conversation for the most of beginning of the journey. Simple things like occupation, education and dwelling. Alvin was a first year degree student at a Nottingham institution. He wanted nothing more than to be one type of Hip Hop artist - a lyricist rapper, but had the good sense to acknowledge a plan B. Krishod re-wrote article five whilst Alvin took a trip to the toilet. He came back, or course.

“What are you writing? Stories? Poetry?” Alvin said.

In order to buy himself sometime on a difficult explanation, Krishod told Alvin it was a personal piece of work. To his surprise, Alvin responded with full sympathy. He even apologised. Krishod decided to use the followed awkward silence to write up article four.

4 – Heroin Overdose
Apparently, the best way to die. The feeling is typical to the high, obviously. But your heart does seize and organs stop functioning. If you are unlucky enough, you can be resuscitated, within time. The use of plenty of grams of the product is a must which will be expensive. Not to mention the difficulty in obtaining the drug. Another negative note is again the post death syndrome: do you really want family and friends believing that you are a junkie?

Krishod put down his pen and asked Alvin what songs he would be listening to if his headphones would play any. Alvin named rap artists from New York to which Krishod nodded having heard of few but not being interested in the genre, he did not have a grip on the conversation. Alvin knew this, so he dominated it. He told Krishod, enthusiastically about the state of rap in England and how it is subjugated by the popularity of the double time beat. Alvin, or ‘Vin-1’, believed he could revert the United Kingdom to a more American orientated sound though keeping lyrical content British based.

“Wait. I just had an idea. I need some paper… and a pen.” Vin-1 said.

To which Krishod told him of his predicament – only two sheets within his pad. He had more than the one pen, however. Vin-1 became quite desperate, asking others. He explained to Krishod that he had just had an idea and lyrics for a rhyme and had to write it down before he forgot. Eighty-eight eights, Vin-1 called it: a whole song using the rhyming scheme of eighty-eight words that end with -eight, –ate or –ait. Krishod looked at his pad realising the back, holder page was blank of printing. He offered the appeasement and Alvin took it and while this man wrote, so did Krishod.

3 – A Long Fall/Drop/Jump
We enter the techniques that I will most probably use. One through three. This one is a very risky business but if executed at the highest altitude should produce the correct probabilities with which to take the gamble. Many buildings in America are tall… tall enough to die from, no problem. Apart from the risk, this is a less problematic technique (of course, one being not knowing what or who you will fall onto; a passer-by perhaps?). Advantages include the lack of expense and post death mystery: accident or purpose?

2 – Potassium Cyanide Ingestion
The easy death and a really good reason why I wish to die within the United States. The product is easier to obtain here. Organise a fake company; state purpose of business as jewellery sales or cleaning. A very successful cleaning product of gold is potassium cyanide, so you can purchase this at a chemicals factory. If you have the ability to talk your way to success, you may only have to turn up at a sales office with only a smile and a lie. The ingestion of the drug will render you unconscious within seconds; death will follow within minutes/hours. It’s almost impossible to resuscitate the body due to bodily chemistry and reactions. All that is needed is one gram (to be taken with water, preferably). Disadvantages include the elaboration in obtaining it and the obviousness of suicide following exit.

Both Krishod and Vin-1 were rudely interrupted by a vibrant shaking. This lasted for around seven seconds and was enough of a distraction to stop the men from writing. Alvin confessed to a queasy feeling. Krishod did not, but he was a little anxious. Internally, he enjoyed the differentiation in wanting to die and actually dying. He convinced himself it was a control thing – if suicide is committed; the death is within the control of the man committing so. However, here was another complex imaginary number to deal with – ‘death before attempted suicide.’ Krishod envisioned a search and rescue team discovering the pieces of paper in front of him. He wrote “Krishod Anand” on the top left of the write up page and underlined it; it was not as if the paper would land, attached to his chest if the craft crashed into the Atlantic. Feeling pressured into finishing, Krishod continued.

1 – A Bullet to the Head
My current favourite way to commit suicide. It is close with two but I feel this method has the advantage in its quickness and finality of execution. Efficient if implemented correctly; shooting through one’s ears – aim at one in order to blast the other. It is brutal to the post death audience, like five, but the direct purpose of it out weighs five. Slitting wrists is typical behaviour of self harm and fake suicide or attention seeking. If you survive a gunshot to the head, I believe you would be most likely considered unlucky due to the repercussions. Three is close but the chances of not actually dying (albeit, a gambler’s fallacy) pushes that method back some. The only disadvantage is obtaining a weapon within London. Not as easy as offering thousands of pounds you do not need to an American citizen to do so. (Guess that leaves only one place to finish oneself off. No need for a list there.)

Krishod had just finished closing the bracket as the plane shook even more violently than previously. The continuation of the shaking past ten seconds, masks dropped from the cabin above and a few people even screamed.
Krishod closed his eyes purposefully and thought; if the plane went down, the last two years would have been as pointless as an imaginary number.