Mad Smithers and the Government's All Under Control Plan : Episode 6

Smithers  6

(At Loose Lucy’s Parlour)

LOOSE LUCY : Oh, Luigi, how was it for you?

LUIGI : As perfecta as my pasta.

LOOSE LUCY : Do you know we have a problem with Andrex and Darren? They have operated outside the confines of the parlour.

LUIGI : You don’t say.

LOOSE LUCY : Yes, the Elder McCronie, the great prison reformer and religious maniac, has had their services.

LUIGI : Do you suspect something is amiss? Tiger Lily has told me about Mad Smithers and the government’s All Under Control plan.

LOOSE LUCY : Maybe it is all Smither’s work. The boys are strangely complicit with all that he does. They are not afraid of him anymore.

LUIGI : Do you want me to help you find the truth about Smithers? I do not want to be under his control.

LUCY : Yes, let’s go to the Institute and see if we can find the truth.

(Outside the Institute)

Look there, there is a window open.

(Loose Lucy and Luigi eavesdrop at the window.  Within Hardcastle and Smithers are talking)

LUIGI : What can you hear?

HARDCASTLE : You have done well, Smithers. Now that the Elder McCronie is illegal we can get him into trouble with the police.

SMITHERS : Yes, the boys fiddled with his respectability. They reported back to me that Mrs. Upsall saw it all.

HARDCASTLE : Good, that will stop them. The Elder McCronie wants freedom, liberty and egalitarianism for the masses. He must be criminalised now.

SMITHERS : You are right. The man is a maniac.

(Outside below the window)

LOOSE LUCY : Well that is terrible, Luigi. The poor Elder McCronie is about to be arrested. We must reveal the truth.

LUIGI : How far has this brainwashing got? Just who is affected?

LOOSE LUCY : I don’t know. I only know there is no time to lose.

(Back at Lucy’s Parlour)

TIGER LILY : So, Andrex, you won’t do as I say.

ANDREX : No, I have a new master, so has Darren.

TIGER LILY : You can’t behave like this.

ANDREX : I am all under control.

BABETTE : And Darren, is he all under control?

ANDREX : Yes, we have a new master. We shall rule the world with Smithers. We are the super race.

(Loose Lucy enters with Luigi)

LOOSE LUCY : It is bad, girls. Smithers has outwitted us all.

TIGER LILY : We know, the boys are out of our control.

LOOSE LUCY : What do you mean?

BABETTE : They are part of the super race. They have left their humble origins behind.

LUIGI : That Smithers is a madman. The poor Elder McCronie has been cheated.

BABETTE : Oh no, not the poor Elder McCronie. He is so good to us. He has our best interests at heart.

LUIGI : Smithers and Hardcastle want the Elder McCronie arrested for boy trouble.

BABETTE : The Elder McCronie wouldn’t touch boys.

LUIGI : Well he wouldn’t unless he was under Smither’s control.

BABETTE : Oh my God, it is the end of all justice.

(At Elder McCronie’s church)

ELDER McCRONIE : Please, Mrs. Upsall, it was all a terrible mistake.

MRS. UPSALL : You must confess to the police, Elder McCronie, before they arrest you.

ELDER McCRONIE : Oh what is that? Someone is banging on the church door.

(Mrs. Upsall opens the door)

MRS. UPSALL : Aaarh, it is the police.

ELDER McCRONIE : Don’t worry, Mrs. Upsall, they will believe a man of the cloth.

POLICEMAN : So you ‘ere are the Elder McCronie.

ELDER McCRONIE : Yes.

POLICEMAN : Good, we ‘ere are come to arrest you on charges of boy fiddling.

(Mrs. Upsall faints)

MRS. UPSALL :  Aaarh ( as she expires)

ELDER McCRONIE : Give her air. The poor woman is of a delicate disposition. She knows nothing of such evil.

POLICEMAN : Take him away, lads, the man’s a dirty, little pervert. As for this tart, let her sleep it off. She’s probably a drunk.

ELDER McCRONIE : Who informed you of this terrible affair, officer?

POLICEMAN : A man of the name of Smithers, a very respectable source, I may add. A veritable doctor no less. You ‘ere ‘ave ‘ad it. You’re bloody false.

ELDER McCRONIE : False? I assure you I have no false parts about me.

POLICEMAN : Come quietly and there will be no fuss. We’ll get you into a nice cell overlooking the gasworks in no time.

ELDER McCRONIE : This is a mistake, a terrible miscarriage of justice. I think Smithers is trying to brainwash people. You have to listen to me, the government is corrupt.

POLICEMAN : You fool, you have said enough. No one is brainwashed. We will ‘ave your guts for garters. No one says anything against Smithers or the police. He is supreme, he is a genius. 

ELDER McCRONIE : Oh no, he has got you all under his thumb. You don’t understand. It is a plot against human freedom and the rights of the individual.

POLICEMAN : Now that claptrap will get you into a lot of trouble. Best say nothing; you don’t want to be incarcerated for life, do you? We’ll get you a nice interview with Dr. Smithers.

ELDER McCRONIE :  Aaarh, help me, help me!