Mister N

'Oh my bloody god!' I said to myself for the tenth time in five minutes 'How can this have happened again?!' I couldn't believe it, it just wasn't possible!
I was looking at my smashed window, someone must have done it while I was walking the dog. It had been done before, only a week ago I'd had it fixed and there on the wall was the same sign I had washed off last time, a large circled N, it must be the first letter of someone's name or something, I told myself as I unlocked the door to go in and check to see if anything was taken.
Nothing had gone no one had climbed through the window, gone into my kitchen and stolen the tea strainer, in a strange way that made me even angrier!
I called the police and told them someone had smashed my window again, the young woman at the other end of the line said that she would send someone over to check it out, to see if there were any footprints.

A large, hairy man arrived ten minutes later. He didn't knock on the door, but I saw him through the window as he inspected the N and the smashed window, then he started to look for footprints, I came out and said in my weirdly high but cheery voice 'Hi, I'm Hermian Farmont.....' I kind of trailed off, not really sure how to continue, he looks up 'Hello Miss Farmont, I'm Sam Jarsans, I was sent over here to follow the tracks and try to find out why someone keeps smashing your window.'
Sam Jarsans had lots of black hair and looked like he needed a few lessons on how to smile, but I didn't care, all I wanted was for him to find Mister N and then to get out of here.
'Okay,' I said 'Thanks, do you want a drink?' I hoped he didn't because I wanted a shower
'No thanks...' He answered and I mentally breathed a sigh of relief 'But I am meant to ask you, where were you when this happened?'
'Walking the dog,' I replied
'Where is the dog?' Mr. Jarsans asked, looking around
'Inside...Why did you need to know that? Do you think I'm lying? Do you think I smashed my own effing window?' I don't know why I cracked like that, I just did, Jarsans raised one perfect eyebrow and said 'I don't think you broke your window, I was just asking, now I must get on with my work.'
He turned and started following the tracks like some guy out of a detective film, I muffled my laughter until I got inside.

After my shower I just sat in the kitchen looking at my smashed window, why do people do stuff like that?
I made a coffee and drank it....while still looking at the window and then, just as I was about to clean my cup I heard a noise outside and for some unknown reason the hair on the back of my neck began to prickle.
I left the kitchen and ran upstairs, entering my bedroom and charged up to the open window. I almost screamed, in fact I must of made some noise, because the weird thing outside looked up and made a strange gurgle-like noise.
It was twice as big as a normal human and its skin was a strange shade of blue, it hunched and had long claws, it's eyes were a strange sort of purple and then to my surprise it said something in a language which sounded Indian, then French and then finally English 'Hello, how are you this fine morning?' I almost fainted as it continued 'You don't look very well! Is there anything I can do to help?'
'I, errm....What are you?' I asked, knowing it wasn't very polite but I was too scared to care.
The creature looked down at itself 'I am a.......Errm, I don't really know! What am I?' Its voice sounded like this creature had a really sore throat, but it was probably just his accent.
'If I knew I wouldn't have asked!' Somehow it kind of felt right talking to this strange creature 'Did you smash my window?'
' Your what?' It asked, I pointed down at my window.
'Yeah I smashed it, why?'
'Well please don't do it again, it costs money to fix!'
'Why do you need to fix it?
'So I don't get cold and wet!'
'What does that mean?'
I sighed, this was like being with a toddler 'I'll tell you later.'
'Okay...'
'Why did you paint the N on my wall?'
'It's my name! Narvirainastin is my name!'
'Okay.....I'll just call you Mister N, okay?'
'Okay...'
'Where do you come from?' I asked
'Some-place far, far, far, far away!' He cried in a dramatic voice.
'I don't suppose I've ever been there...'
'No, you've never even been out of this country!'
I snapped to attention 'How did you know that?'
'Mind-reading!'
'Don't read my mind!' I almost shouted
'I also know your first boyfriend was called Fred, your Mum and Dad are weird, your best bra is purple and your dog eats the compost, you have a dog called Jam-jar and you think I'm weird!'
I blushed bright pink and nodded 'Please don't read my mind! I have some stuff I don't want you to know!' I said thinking of the nights I didn't come home from seeing my boyfriends or embarrassing moments.
'Sorry......But I've done it now so ha-ha-ha-haaaa'

Mister N was really weird but I still went downstairs and opened the door, he looked in over my shoulder as if some psycho-killer was there.
'Come in!' I mumbled
'Come in? Come in there?' He asked as if it were the strangest question on earth.
'Well, yeah..' I replied with a shrug, stepping aside.
'Okay! If you say so!'
As soon as he stepped in he started making a strange noise then he started shaking, really badly and he started curling up in a ball on the floor, I didn't know what to do, I was about to call for help when he started laughing a really weird laugh and he said 'I tricked you ha-ha-ha, you thought I was going to die, ha-ha-ha!'
I almost hit him, but his weird skin kind of put me off 'Arrhh, why did you have to do that!' I shrieked.
'I dunno...Hey what's this?' He asked picking up my hat.
'It's a hat, you put it on your head' I replied, still boiling with rage.
He put it on, along with all my other hats which were lying about, there must have been ten, I almost laughed when I saw him.

Then I heard a voice from outside calling 'Miss Farmont?!'
'Crap!' I said to myself 'Mr Stone-face is here....'
I ushered Mister N upstairs and I opened the door to find Sam Jarsans right outside my door.
'Hello.....' I said
'I didn't find anything! The footprints just disappeared!' He scratched his head.
'Oh!' I said, trying to act surprised 'Bye then...'
'Urm, okay bye, phone if it happens again!'
'Sure, bye!' I shut the door and was about to turn away when I heard him scream outside I opened it again to find Mister N face to face with Jarsans.
'Leave me alone, Beast!' Jarsans screamed 'I have a gun!'
'Don't shoot him!' I cried
Mister N just looked at the gun then takes it off Jarsans and broke it in two 'Now that's not very nice, is it?'
Jarsans just looked scared and I didn't blame him.
'Anyway,' Mister N continued 'I didn't do anything to you!'
'G-g-go away!'
'Shall we play a game?' Mister N asked
'No!' Sam said and ran to his car and drove away.
I laughed and turned to see what Mister N was doing, but I couldn't see him, he had gone.