Mark chapter 6-10

My illness seemed to complicate things, and have more negatives than anything; I’d wake up, unable to remember what I did before putting me head on the pillow, or how long I had been out. Somehow my grades remained high; apparently I was never out whenever I was supposed to be at class. I had to take higher levels of vector calculus and college level quantum physics to stay challenged, even so my GPA remained high. I was almost always on the deans’ list, and graduated top of my class with a guaranteed place at a prestigious company that dealt with distributing medical supplies and medicines, and worked on developing new substances and improving preexisting ones.
Andrea and I continued to be together, and at her graduation, I proposed, I didn’t mind that she was my only girlfriend. I really didn’t think the number of relationships I had before mattered, we loved each other and I felt I could be with her forever, and had no regrets that I hadn’t been with other girls. I doubted anyone could handle my disorder the way she did. Most people, even just colleagues and acquaintances didn’t know how to take it, they were sometimes afraid of me, even when I assured them it was under control. Nobody seemed to understand me the way Andrea did, she treated me like a normal person, as if there was nothing wrong with me at all.
You may wonder how she knew what was wrong and how to deal with it. There are many moments I just don’t remember, even days at a time, and I realized that during those blurry memories was probably when I discussed with her what was wrong and the complexity of it all. Including what the disorder was like now, what it would be like if it got worse, and that my medications should keep everything in check. Plus I still saw the doctor annually, and if it progressed, steps would be taken to bring it back to normal.
So Andrea and I were to get married, the happiest couple that ever lived.
I only remember some details of my bachelor party. Usually people forget because they wake up the next day with a hangover. However, as I mentioned before, I was not allowed to have alcohol, but I didn’t need to have alcohol to make bad choices, Hunter would do that for me. He would appear at random times, and usually when there was an opportunity to make bad choices that got me into trouble. Like the stereotypes, this other side of me was dark and often dangerous. I slowly started to become more aware of him. When he first appeared, it was just as if I was acting a little different. But he slowly became his own person, with a mind and free will of his own, that I did not have proper control over. I would eventually see the doctor, but not before I did something horrible as Hunter. When Hunter would appear, my judgment faltered, as if I had been drinking or taking some sort of drug, illegal or prescriptions not written for me. The dangerous Hunter personality and my drunken friends was not a good combination. Since their judgment was also impaired, they didn’t notice that I was acting differently. If I had been myself, I wouldn’t have gone along with their plans.
The party at first was normal, a bunch of guys sitting around playing poker and drinking games. However, I had made friends with the wrong people, the type who do stupid things after too many beers, and they hadn’t noticed Hunter decided to join the celebration.
“Mark, Mark, whatdya say we ghost eel something,” Chris said, with a slight drunken slur.
“Yeah, sure, sounds like fun,” Hunter said, sounding exactly like me. He was up for any new experience, no matter the consequences, he just didn’t care.
So Hunter and everyone else left the apartment and went to neighboring ones, breaking in and stealing what valuables they could find. Jewelry, cash, watches, even electronics, breaking glasses and TV’s without caring, like an average criminal that does that sort of thing for a living. It was lucky that all the places they hit were unoccupied at the time of the pillage. Hunter had fun, he felt he deserved it, being trapped for so long, stealing and breaking things that weren’t his was as enjoyable as science is for me, and he wasn’t the one that had to deal with the repercussions.
The next morning I woke up, half on the couch and wearing the clothes I had celebrated in, now wrinkled from a night of moving around in my sleep. My head hurt, if I hadn’t known better I’d say it was a hangover. I glanced around and a paper hat was crumbled on the floor next to me, and the trashcan was overflowing with red plastic cups and a couple large pizza boxes. I sat up, a little dizzy with a head-rush. When it went away I stood up and looked around some more, there didn’t seem to be anything out of place, nor any plunder. I decided I needed a shower before eating, so I went to the bedroom to get new clothes and hopped into a cold spray before joining Andrea for breakfast.
“That was Hunter right, and not you? If it was you, I’m gunna have to reconsider the engagement, since that would mean I don’t know you that well after all,” she said, poking her small stack of pancakes.
“Of course it was you know I don’t normally act that way. But I can’t always control things. I guess I need to see the doctor again, increase my meds or something”
“I think that would be a good idea too, if we’re gunna live normally you need to be able to repress the darker side,” Andrea said lovingly and as supportive as possible.
So I went to the doctors as soon as they were able to fit me in. I told her what had happened, and after more questions and a couple simple tests, she increased my dosage as I had figured.

Chapter Eight: Wedding Day

The weather was perfect on the day of our beautiful wedding. It was the first warm spring day, with a soft breeze and not a cloud in the sky, it was as if the sun was blessing our happiness. Andrea’s hair looked great with her hair partly done-up, donned with a slender vale in the back, she was stunning in her white sleeveless gown, a full bell with sweeping lines.
I stood by the alter in my crisp black suit and royal purple tie, my best friend beside me, and watched her almost float down the aisle. Only the reception that afternoon matched her beauty. Circular tables spread throughout the hall, royal purple cloths and calla Lilly centerpieces. Laughs were shared and lots of pictures were taken. Everyone, family and friends, were able to enjoy the food and dance to the music we had selected for our special day. The happiest day of my life, and I was thrilled to be able to be aware of every detail.
We went to France for a week, the most romantic place on earth. The Eiffel tower was breath taking for both of us. Our three star hotel was in the heart of the city, within good distance of everything there was to see or do, save for the soft and comforting village that we visited to get away from the bustle and noise of Paris. The food took a little getting used to, but it was easier to stomach knowing that we were sharing it. We were lucky, that the weather the whole week was warm and sunny, perfect weather for sight seeing and shopping, whatever Andrea wanted to do. It was fortunate that I didn’t have any spells then, even with the medication it was possible for Hunter to appear if he really wanted to.
My luck seemed to be good, because for years he didn’t appear. However, I later discovered that might’ve been due to him making plans for his best take over yet. Only once before Andrea and I started a family did he attack, and get me into big trouble.

Chapter Nine: Hunters Retaliation

I woke up on a very uncomfortable bed, looking at a jail door. God what have I done now I wondered simply. I was scared to know the truth, but I had hope that I wouldn’t be stuck here, not when I have a mental disorder that sometimes impairs my judgment. Andrea would know how to handle it, and who to get a hold of to help me out of this situation.
This first hearing was today, and the plaintiff’s opening statements informed me of what had happened. A couple nights ago Hunter had decided to appear, being the evil type that he is, he went to a bar while Andrea was out shopping, so she couldn’t have stopped him. A mix of four drinks and the medication made him very irrational. At 11:30, he drunkenly stepped onto the curb outside the establishment. Someone walked in front of him, and he thought they gave him a challenging look, so he followed them. They let him in the building, not thinking anything of it. He got in the elevator with them, and even went in the hall, just to see where they lived before acting like he misunderstood what floor they were on, and returned to the elevator to wait for a while in the lobby. At midnight, he returned to the door of the innocents’ apartment and let himself in. They were in the bedroom at the time when he grabbed a knife from the kitchen, and snuck into the room, waiting in the dark for them to fall asleep completely. When he was sure they wouldn’t wake up for a while, he made sure they would never wake again.
When the plaintiff described all this, more briefly than I just have, I was naturally shocked. How could Hunter take advantage of me, and use me to kill someone, actually murder someone for no good reason. Other people that had a darker personality would instigate a verbal conflict first, asking what their problem was or something before attempting to maim or kill them. He must’ve known that I would be the one to pay the consequences. Tears of horror and disbelief welled up in my eyes, and I wondered what would happen to me and if the disability would allow me to continue to live with my beautiful wife. I didn’t know what I would do if I had to spend the rest of my life in jail, for something I didn’t really do, Hunter looked and sounded like me, but the ethics and personality in general were completely different.
As I document this, I am aware of the disability, but at the time of the events, I was usually unaware of what was going on. The medication not only suppresses the evil things that accompany the illness, it makes me forget that anything is wrong; it allows me to live normally. Any time Hunter emerged, I would basically black out, as if I was asleep the whole time he was causing problems for me. Then I would wake up and have to learn what my body had done.
The trial lasted a month; there was much debate about the legitimacy of my illness. Much like cases where the defendant pleads insanity, there is speculation, and many different people involved trying to prove and disprove this claim. However, there were enough witnesses to conquer that I occasionally could not control my actions nor be responsible for what happened during these times; anything immoral or unethical was involuntary. Hunter would completely take over and suppress my normal self the way I would suppress him during everyday life. After many witnesses and long interrogations, the jury finally decided that I was innocent. Though Hunter most defiantly was guilty, there was no way to put him in jail when I was able to go free, so they settled for a fine to try and compensate for the emotional damage the victims family went through or at least to help pay for the funeral. They were nice people, so they were able to understand my situation, and accepted that my apology was sincere, even when we both knew a simple sorry couldn’t change what happened.
So I went home, stressed and somewhat emotionally scarred myself. Andrea and I decided to wait a little longer for kids; we didn’t want this event hanging over our heads as strongly as it was now when our first child was born. We wanted them to grow up as normal as possible, without and negative energy around, not even during conception.
About six months later was our two-year anniversary, and though six months wasn’t quite enough to be free of the negativity, we both knew it would never completely go away; the events of that month would always be in our history. Even with the thought of that lost life, we had to live the way we wanted, a normal American couple, with kids and good jobs. My salary was good and stable, and Andrea could work on her books at home for a while, letting the royalties from her previous publications help us out until she could continue her journalism job.

Chapter Ten: Family

Sarah was born, beautiful like babies usually are with no abnormalities. However, we both feared something would develop mentally, when she got older, so we both prepared for the worst and didn’t have her sister until we were sure she would be okay. We were scared for a while, like when she could be content sitting in a box for hours, but we figured her imagination was just very active, and the child psychologist agreed. Imagination was of course a good thing, and if it stayed with her in adulthood, she could become a renowned author or moviemaker, she took after her mother.
Four years later we had Kate, who looked just like her mother. Sarah was quite happy to have a sister that she could play with once Kate was old enough, the neighbors didn’t have kids so it sometimes got lonely.
We decided not to discuss my mental situation until they were old enough, when they would be able to handle it, and not be horribly scared and distraught. After all, I was still able to be a good father and Hunter was well tucked away, for now.
Bailey came three years later, the last of our daughters, and children in general. Though my job paid well, we didn’t want the emotional, physical, and financial stress of more than three kids.
They went through school as normal as ever, homework, Sarah excelling in art and music, Kate doing well in science, and Bailey, though still young, had a knack in history and seemed to enjoy it the most. Of course there were the birthday parties, and extracurricular activities, verbal disagreements about dating as they got older, life. My mental disability had no ill affect on our lives for quite a while, until Andrea had one of the neighbors over for lunch and she saw the pills in the bathroom.
“Hey Andrea, I couldn’t help but notice a bottle on shelf for Mark, excuse me if it’s not my place, but what are they for?” She was the nosey gossipy type.
“Oh, Mark actually has a mental disorder, but the medication keeps it under control”
“And you still married him? You must’ve known he wasn’t right before hand, he must’ve told you something like that before proposing. And they let him have kids too.”
“You say that is if it’s a horrible thing, that he could never be social because of it. Its not like he’s dangerous, as long as he’s taking the pills everything can be normal, and the risk of the kids developing it is really low. There’s nothing to worry about, you’ve seen him,”
“Well, I’m sorry you have to live with it too, it must be difficult, and I believe I’ve stepped over a line somewhere, so I’ll let myself out.” And she simply left without another word, leaving Andrea unsettled at the ignorance and inability to see another side of the situation.
The next week their house was up for sale, along with another one on the corner. Word had spread further than we had wanted, and apparently some of the neighbors didn’t want to be around someone with such an illness, being afraid of what could happen to their families. We didn’t keep it a big secret, we didn’t really mind that people knew, but why bother them with such information when it was our burden and didn’t have an affect on their lives.
So a new couple moved in across the street, and they were more accepting and open about the idea of living across from a family in our situation.
* * *
When Sarah was sixteen, and Bailey nine, we decided it was about time to inform them of my mental state since Sarah was old enough to understand it, yet young enough to help Bailey with it if needed. Like every other time the topic of my disorder came up, I don’t remember most of that evening. I remember all of us sitting in the den, Andrea and I together on the loveseat and the girls on the couch. I don’t remember either of us actually making the announcement, just the silence that followed.
“I’m still the same person. How I act towards you all won’t change, and you shouldn’t have to act different toward me. You see how your mother is, we can still live normally like we have been for the past sixteen years,” I said simply, when they hadn’t said anything for a few minutes.
“So, like, you see things?” Sarah asked finally.
“Not often anymore, that’s what the medication is for, and if it was to change, I would see the doctor immediately, that’s also why I see her at least once a year,”
“What type it is? I learned that there are different types”
“Mostly disorganized, not paranoid if that’s what you were scared of. So even when I was younger the delusions were minimal. Just my emotions and reactions during any giving situation could be inappropriate.”
We talked for a bit longer, answering their questions until the topic was mostly exhausted for one night.
At school, Kate’s friends noticed she seemed distracted, so she told them what she had just found out, which proved later to be a mistake, because the word spread quickly, even to the people that would use this information as a weapon. Soon even Bailey was hearing people say mean things about the situation, and even making fun of it. Like bullies normally did, they took one weakness, one minor difference between what was normal and what we were going through, and used it to their advantage. They often pretend to have the same disorder, only exaggerated and stereotyped. For the rest of the year all three girls had to deal with what their classmates thought of me, even when most them didn’t know me. Luckily, since they were only kids, by the time next fall came around, they were over it, and moved on to other things. Which was fortunate since it was about time for my annual appointment, and my family would soon have bigger problems to deal with.

**TO BE CONTINUED**