Auld Scotia

A is for

Auld Scotia
--------------
The Scots
Whae,s like us
Damn few and they,re aw deid
The deadly diet of fish suppers dipped in fat
The late night Chinese or Indian biryanis
Here,s tae aw the drunks in the pubs
Suppin, thier heavy and wee haufs
Don,t stare at them or it,s
"whit ur you fuckin, lookin, at pal?"
"huv ye got a problim?"
The late chucking oot
And the scrapping and chibbing in the streets
The big fat-gutted polis with their Doc Martens
A good kicking in the cells and the excuses
"he slipped on a bar of soap your honour"
The inclement weather, four seasons in one day
Early morning winter darkness scrunching on
The virgin snow with tingling nose and fingers
Rain always rain it,s a dreich land is Scotland
Blowing January gales, roofs blowing off flats
Summer,s too brief we look for the sun
The Glasgow Fair and holidays to Blackpool
Or Benidorm
Cheap beer, crap food, sunburned till we peel
Vomit in the sink, on the bed on the carpet anywhere
But the bog and the two weeks are up
Back to Auld Scotia, land of inventors
And weird politicians with big red noses
The Scots whaes like us?
Aye, damn few and they,re aw deid;