iWrong'un

iWrong'un

i know i’m gonna have a grizzle

get meself comfy with chocolate ice-

cream and a good supply

of tissues

kick off me shoes me breasts

believe they are escapologists

as under me t-shirt i take off

me bra and the crowd in me head

go ta-dah me fall on the soft

softened with plump cushions

then the hard reality

i’ve just been kissed by a bloke

called: “bert”

sorry mum sorry dad i know

i’m a disappointment but mum

remember i made you a cup

of tea and bought you some

flowers and dad i got you some

beers ‘cos i understand how much

the truth can hurt please don’t

shout at me but little

drew yer loving daughter was caught

unawares with no moist desires has

just been kissed by a bloke

called: “bert”

it was slobbery and wet

a bit like a haddock and

he copped a feel of me bum

like a kneading baker

this needy geek smelt of lynx

it was mega gross and i

thought i would be sick

‘cos i’ve just been kissed by a bloke

called: “bert” (in a sweaty shirt)