A 5/24/02

Working diary, 5/24/02

Alice, one of my co-workers, has a stomachache. We all ate today at a
noodle restaurant, the kind where you sit on stools surrounded by signs
that say "No public restroom," "No public phone," "No checks," etc. The
cook looked like a villain from a Jackie Chan movie, but he knows his
business. I'm surprised this restaurant does so well; it's in the
middle of the suburban business district of Denver where salt-lovin'
places like Applebee's have lunch lines of permed and polyester-ed
middle management types snaking down the sidewalk. 'Twas good,
'twas.

Back at the office, Alice complained about her stomach while we all
stood around the dumpster smoking. Alice is from Czechoslovakia;
apparently she prefers blander foods with crispy edges. I can
understand that. Our conversation got somewhat rank when Alice's
stomach issues reminded me of a turd I found not too long ago in the
downstairs men's room. It wasn't just a case of someone purposely
pooping on the floor, as quite clearly the poopetrator was in distress
and missed the toilet altogether.

Naturally, when I found the turd, my instincts told me to turn around
and just walk away. But I found myself wondering about the turd's odd
placement: beside the toilet, towards the wall. Some napkins had been
haphazardly placed around it, but I couldn't tell if this meant the
evilpooper had tried to pick it up or, in his excitement, had simply
attempted the feline equivalent of covering one's own mess. Either way,
it was very bad form, as the poor custodial staff would have no choice
but to pick up this stinky deposit and send it to its watery
grave.

I know someone in New York City who once answered his door, only to
find a strange man holding a stool. The stool had a hole in its seat.
Ostensibly the man was hoping to find someone to sit naked on the stool
and do some dirty business on his face. I'm not sure how I would
respond to such a request from a stranger (or, for that matter, from
somebody I knew). "Well, gee, it's kind of late, heh heh, and really,
I've already made this evening's trip to the potty. But maybe you could
come back some other time!"

To each his own, of course, but really.