Afterlife

I was out on a date when the trouble started.

Dennis, a good-looking man I’d met only once before had called and invited me to a posh Italian restaurant in the heart of Newcastle. As he asked I racked my brain thinking when I could have handed him my number.

Some club, some bar? And then I remembered and almost fell over myself saying yes. It had been several years since someone had asked me on a date, and I wasn’t about to turn the offer down.

I ran upstairs to get ready. I showered then stood in front of the bathroom mirror and pulled at my hair. I tried it up, then down, the pulled it into a stylish bun before letting it fall around my shoulders. I went into the bedroom and decided on a smart but slutty black dress and kitten heel shoes. I knew it was only a date, but there was something else I was needing right about then.

I arrived at the restaurant at seven, bang on time for once, and met Dennis at the entrance. He flicked his cigarette into the curb and we went inside. The Maître d' showed us to our table and we ordered a bottle of white wine.

‘You’re looking very nice tonight,’ Dennis said, looking at me over his menu. Well, not the best compliment in the world, but it was a start.

‘Thanks. I’ve never been here before. It’s very nice.’

Stilted conversation. Embarrassment on both sides. A flutter of nervousness. I looked across the table at him.

He was very good-looking, with dark hair and green eyes. He was thin but there was a hint of musculature beneath his white cotton shirt. I remembered it had been his smile that had first dazzled me. And his sense of humour. He’d had me in gales of laughter all night. Plus he’d been plying me with drink. That’s the main reason I could remember him – buy me a drink and you’re a friend for life.

‘So I hear you’re a police officer…’

I nodded, taking a sip of wine.

‘It seemed like the right job for me back then. Now, I’m not so sure. I think it might to time for a change.’

‘Well you could go into the financial world, like me.‘

Ah, so that’s what he did. I made a mental note and tried to listen as he went into a tirade about investment banking. My mind wandered and I started thinking about a relationship. I didn’t know how it would work with a human. I couldn’t just come out and tell him I was a necromancer – I’d be shoved straight into the nearest loony bin, without passing go and collecting two hundred quid.

But there would need to be that honesty in a relationship. And I don’t think I could ever have that with a human…

Suddenly I heard a voice to my left and I spun around.

‘Ronnie?’

It was quiet and when I turned there was no one there. A spirit, I imagined as I turned back to see Dennis casting me a quizzical glance.

‘Is something wrong?’

I shook my head and pushed a strand of hair behind one ear.

‘No, nothing’s wrong. Sorry, I thought I heard someone say my name.’

Dennis laughed.

‘Well, I guess there’s not many women in England called Ronnie. Especially not up here.’

The waiter came with our food, chicken Carbonara and a 16” pepperoni pizza. I was starved and I could have sworn my stomach grumbled as I forked pasta into my mouth.

I thought the spirit had moved on to the next necromancer, but apparently not.

‘Help me!’

‘I’m on a date… not tonight… please not tonight…’

‘God, you really are one arrogant woman.’

‘Hey!’

I jumped up from my seat with indignation. The hubbub of chatter in the restaurant ceased and heads swivelled towards me. Dennis stood up and rubbed my arm.

‘Sit back down, Ronnie. Is something wrong? I can take you home if you want…’

I sat down. No longer an object of amusement, the other diners went back to their own conversations.

‘Everything’s fine… I’m just tired. I think I’ll pop to the ladies. You don’t mind do you?’
Dennis shook his head so I picked up my handbag and manoeuvred my way through the tables. I pushed open the door to the toilets and tried the first cubicle. It was empty. I went inside, locked the door and sat on the toilet.

‘Right. You’ve ruined my date and possibly my entire relationship with that man. Now who the hell are you?’

Silence. I heard my voice in the silence of the toilet, heard the crash of crockery near the door, a murmur of voices like the whisper of the sea.

‘Don’t you disappear now,’ I said and waited. I was getting impatient. Just as I was about to stand up and return to dinner, the male voice spoke again.

‘My name is Culso, and I need your help.’

I racked my brains but didn’t recognise the name. It sounded foreign.

‘Why do you need my help?’

‘It’ll take too much time to explain.’

‘Well I need it explaining. You brought me out from dinner, so you’d better get talking.’
A pause.

‘I’m Culso, the Entruscan psychopomp.’
I almost collapsed into laughter. I’d never head of a psychopomp but it sounded, for a brief moment, hilarious.

‘And what, may I ask, is a psychopomp?’

He spent five minutes describing it to me, but the short version is this. Psychopomp means literally conductor of spirits. They guide souls between the lands of the living and the dead. Culso, it turned out, was known for carrying scissors in one hand and a torch in the other. The scissors were to sever the soul’s ties with the realm of the living and the torch was to guide the soul to the next life, the Afterlife.

He’d been kidnapped by an unknown band of people. He didn’t know why, or even who the kidnappers were. But he needed my help.

‘And what am I supposed to do? You could be anywhere in the world.’

‘I’m still in the realm of the dead. I can sense when I leave it. If you hurry, you might be able to help. Please.’

‘Right, so let me get this straight. You’ve been kidnapped by a band of whatever and they are holding you hostage in the realm of the dead, because you’re a psychopomp?’

I know it sounds hilarious. It did to me, even when I repeated it. But somehow I knew he was being serious. And if I was to help him, I was going to need help.

‘Right. I need to go see some people. Give me an hour. And you’d better not be pulling my leg, else I’ll be pissed.’

I left the cubicle and opened the toilet door. I saw Dennis sitting alone at the table, sipping from his wine. He was looking down at the table and I felt like a bitch for leaving him there, on his own. I could have said goodbye. I could have told him there was an emergency. But I didn’t. I just left the restaurant and got into my car.

Who should I go see? I wondered as I turned the engine on. Vanessa. And Calvin. I called Calvin and told him to meet me at Vanessa’s, before pulling out of the parking lot and making my way back to Sunderland.

***

Vanessa opened the door with a grim look on her face. She stepped aside to let me in, and I saw Calvin pacing in the hall. When I entered he looked up at me with worry.

‘What the hell’s going on, Ronnie?’

‘It’s… complicated. But you two are the only ones I thought about talking to. I need your help.’

It was like a chain, one person asking for help, and then another, until the only thing left were questions.

Vanessa led us through into the living room and I sat down. They looked at me expectantly.

‘A spirit got through to me, about an hour ago. He asked for my help. I don’t know why, but I believed him. And I really want to help.’

‘You shouldn’t help every spirit that comes to you. You have to understand that you aren’t bound by rules and conditions, Ronnie,’ Calvin chided.

‘I know. But I was born like this for a reason. Do you think my parents would be pleased to see me ignoring it? Ignoring every single call for help? I have to help him. He’s not just any spirit.’

Vanessa narrowed her eyes with surprise.

‘So who was the spirit that spoke to you?’
‘
His name was Culso, the….’

There was a sharp intake from both Calvin and Vanessa, and I realised that I’d been the only one out of the loop.

‘You were talking to a psychopomp?’

‘Yeah… I thought it was funny at first…’

‘It’s not funny,’ Vanessa snapped suddenly, moving into action. ‘Psychopomps are the most important spirits of the Afterlife. If they weren’t there, then the souls wouldn’t be able to cross over. They would all be stuck here, in limbo. There wouldn’t be enough room…’

‘Well, he said he’d been kidnapped.’

‘By who?’ Vanessa was alert now, and there was something else in her eyes. Panic.

‘He didn’t know. But he said he was still in the realm of the dead.’

‘Then we need to find him.’

‘And how the hell are we meant to do that? We’re alive.’

‘That’s why we need the help of a witch.’

***

We flew through Sunderland in my car, and on to Middlesbrough. Vanessa was beside me, and Calvin was sitting quietly in the back. A werewolf, a vampire and a necromancer in the same car. No one would have guessed to look at us.

‘Turn left,’ Vanessa said and I turned off the motorway, onto a B road that ran down to a lonely house at the end. I parked outside when Vanessa signalled and we got out. Vanessa knocked on the door and it was opened by a young woman with red hair and a very snazzy dress sense.

‘Vanessa! It’s been a while. And you’ve brought friends… come in, come in. Mother’s through the other room. Did you come to see her?’

‘Yes. You too. Ronnie, Calvin, this is Tanya. She’s the witch I was telling you about.’

Tanya gave an embarrassed laugh as she took us through the house.

‘Not much of a witch, I’m afraid. I can never quite get the spells to work. My mother’s the real witch. There isn’t a single spell she can’t work.’

The old woman was sitting in a chair, watching TV when we went through. She turned her head and smiled at us, clicking the button on the remote and turning the TV off.

‘It’s nice to see you again, Vanessa. You look worried. Can I help?’

‘I was hoping you could,’ Vanessa said, taking the old woman’s hand in her own and frowning. ‘We have an emergency. Culso got through to Ronnie here, and said he’d been kidnapped. We need your help.’
‘You need to pass through realms? Very well. Tanya, can you bring me my Rider-Waite tarot deck. It should be in the drawer over there, in the cabinet.’ She looked at us. ‘It’s not easy to travel between the realms. I have to warn you that once through, there’s a possibility you won’t be able to get back through. If that happens, you will be one of them. A wandering soul, never to find the right path back. Are you prepared for that?’

Vanessa nodded and the old woman sat up and pulled a table to within reach. Tanya came back with the cards and the old woman pulled one out.

‘This is the Moon card. It’s the card that calls the psychopomps.’

I looked down at the card. Two dogs were drawn on the card, and a crab stood nearby. I didn’t know what they represented, and I asked.

‘The canines are the awaiting psychopomps. The crab represents the soul, beginning its next journey.’

We melted into silence as she touched the card. She muttered a series of words that I couldn’t quite catch. Red light started to dance around the card, like miniature fireflies. I watched as the card became bigger, opening up. The old woman kept muttering as the card melted into the table, disappearing. The red lights were turning orange as they took over the surface of the table.

‘Now, jump into the table,’ the old woman told us. ‘One at a time. But be quick in your mission. This spell won’t last long.’

Vanessa hiked up her skirt and jumped onto the table – or rather into the table. One minute she was there, the next it looked like she’d fallen down a trapdoor. I followed, a little hesitantly. And then Calvin came. And then a fourth body dropped into the chasm with us, and we were falling through the darkness.

I landed hard on my knees and gave a shout. The others seemed to have landed on their feet, and I pulled myself back up, brushing the dirt from my dress and wishing I hadn’t chosen the damn kitten heels.

‘Where are we?’ I asked, looking around.

‘The realm of the dead,’ Calvin replied. Darkness surrounded us. I couldn’t see anything.

‘Why is it so dark?’

‘Because without Culso, there is no one to lead the way. The other psychopomps are in different realms. Culso guards this one. We have to hurry. Tanya, do you have a light spell?

‘I do… but I’m… I’m not very good,’ she said through the inky blackness.

‘The do it.’

We heard Tanya mutter an incantation, there was a flicker of light, then it was gone. She tried again with the same results. She had a third go, and this time a silver orb came out from between her hands, suspended in the air like a balloon. It brightened up the path so we could see what was happening.

‘I did it!’

‘Well don’t lose your concentration,’ Vanessa muttered as we looked around at what appeared to be a stone path. Walls reached up higher than our vision would allow, and it was cold.

‘Now he has to be around in this realm. Try and speak to him, Ronnie.’

I concentrated and called his name. No answer. I tried again. Nothing.

‘He’s not answering.’

‘He might not be able to hear you,’ Calvin said. ‘I just hope we’re not too late.’

And then he came through, loud and clear.

‘Ronnie? Where are you?’

‘In the realm of the dead. Now where the hell are you?’

‘I don’t know. Let me… let me think.’

We waited impatiently for him to speak, but the minutes ticked by and it was like someone falling asleep at the end of a phone.

‘I’m not far from the bridge. I know they didn’t take me far. Hurry, though.’

‘The bridge,’ I said and Vanessa pointed to the left.

‘Have you been here before?’ I asked and she nodded.

We walked down the path for what seemed like hours, but turned out to be five minutes. It curved and turned unexpectedly and we had to hug the walls. There was no barrier, so if we took one wrong turn, we would fall to our deaths. Tanya’s orb was still hanging in front of us, and at one point, when I looked back at her, she had her eyes squeezed tight shut. Whether that was concentration or fear I didn’t know.

The path led downwards and we followed it to a dead end. A stone bridge was the only path to the other side of the chasm.

‘This is the bridge. He must be around here somewhere,’ Vanessa said and started to cross. It was a long bridge, and a very long chasm. When we managed to get to the other side we saw something orange glowing against the wall. We turned the corner and saw Culso sitting there on the floor, his arms and legs bound.

I bent down and started to untie him. He looked at me.

‘You took your bloody time, didn’t you?’ He said and then looked at my gang. ‘Who the hell are them?’

‘Friends,’ I said.

‘Acquaintances,’ Vanessa retorted.

Culso stood up.

‘They didn’t go far… they could be back any minute.’

‘Then we should get you somewhere safe.’ I handed him his torch. He was looking frantically around.

‘The bastards took my scissors!’

He was a funny looking man. Small and bald with little eyes and wearing a green gown that contrasted against then cold grey of the stone.

There were footsteps nearby and Calvin disappeared behind a large rock. I heard grunts and moans coming from him and turned around, not wanting to invade the little privacy he had.

Footsteps were coming closer, and voices.

‘We’ll use the scissors to kill him.’

‘We need to get back to the other realm first,’ a female voice said.

They came around the corner, a man and woman. They stopped dead in their tracks and looked at us with panic.

The woman stepped forward but the man started running in the opposite direction. Calvin, fully transformed, dived from behind the rock and took off after the fleeing man, his muzzle open wide.

‘And who the hell are all of you?’ The woman asked, looking at us.

‘We came to save Culso. What did you want with him?’ I blurted.

The woman laughed and checked her fingernails, as though she was bored.

‘We didn’t come for him. We came for his scissors. He is inconsequential. We needed to take the scissors back to the other realm. If we had those, we would be able to do anything we wanted. We could kill the president with one snip of these things. We could rule the world.

‘Oh, get over yourself,’ I muttered and she shot a harried look at me.

‘Anyway, I have the scissors now.’ She withdrew them from a pocket, a large, sharp, shining pair of silver scissors that glinted in the firelight. ‘And these give me the power to make sure you never see the other realm ever again.’

She opened the scissors and raised them above her head. Culso threw his torch at the woman. The flames liked around her ankle for a moment before shooting up her leg. She dropped the scissors and started to slap at her leg, screaming.

I stepped forward and punched her. I was surprised I managed to do it. She stumbled backwards and I punched her again. She seemed human, so I knew I couldn’t kill her. But I wanted to hit her some more.

I saw Calvin racing back down the path. He was large when transformed, with thick black hair, and glimmering green eyes. He skidded to a halt beside me, but a little too late. The woman was knocked sideways and she fell from the path.

I ran to the edge of the chasm and looked down. The woman had disappeared deep into the inky blackness, and the only thing that remained was her scream.

***

We walked back the way we’d come. We passed the messy corpse of the man. Calvin had torn out his throat. Culso had his torch and scissors back, and was full of profuse apology. And the rest of us couldn’t believe what had happened.

We found the porthole again, and made it through. We landed in the living room and the old woman looked around and smiled, nodding but not speaking. Tanya let us out and we got back into the car.

‘Well that was certainly an adventure,’ I said as I started back home.

‘At least you got a glimpse of the Afterlife,’ Vanessa replied.

‘Yeah…’ I thought for a moment before answering.

‘It’s rather bleak, isn’t it?’