Nil by Mouth

I don’t want the blood to flow

I never want to see it

Feel the pull inside

Grasping claws, organs entwined

Just an apple and an egg

Lemon water, a tablet

For the lightning in my head

I’m disgusting, my brother said

I want to be smaller, lighter, less

I long to be invisible

Please do not gaze at my chest

An orange and celery sticks

Just half a slice of bread, no butter

How silently now, I can be sick

There’s nothing on me

Only the reassuring bones

So clean I am, I walk

But I do not make a mark

I will stay like this, a child

Eating just enough to breathe

I have so much control

I will hold back time

I never want to be a woman