Cramp in the night

Cramp in the night

Watch me as I close my eyes,
Try to sleep as I tremble here -
I lie beside you; it's too near.

You touch me&;#8230;what do you want from me?
To hurt me again?
I am afraid of you, afraid of what you'll do
Every time you touch me
And yet I love you.

Here in the near-dark I slit my eyes open,
I watch the moonlight creep across the bedroom,
I hear you snore, like a much larger animal,
A creature of the night, not just a man;
Half human, half demon.

I need to move - I have a cramp
But I don't dare to stretch my legs out -
What if I woke you? How would I explain myself?
Would you do what you did last week
And try to choke me without realising -
An arm across my throat as you 'love' me?

I breathe shallow breaths, I make no sound
Like a paranoid mouse
In the shadow of a cat.
The thought makes me sman; it turns to a shiver
As you snort in your sleep

And I close my eyes again, like a child
Hoping that if I close MY eyes, it will mean
That YOU can't see,
And I ignore the cramp, the pins, the needles,
Because they are nothing compared to the pain
When you hit me.