Inadequate

Inadequate

I always hated the way
The rain could change my mood,
I always hated having something in control of me:
Lately it's been you,
Unhealthy, not good for me
But I wanted it; I was willing,
I was alright with being used.

I hang on every word
That spills out of your mouth,
As if not to hear what you say
Would break up my whole world,
But I wish I'd left my ears at home today,
I wish I'd come alone -
I wish I hadn't brought the rain,
Stormy day - I should have known&;#8230;

Cruel words - you blame it all on me
As if everything that's wrong with us
Was my fault and mine alone. How can you be
So fucking cold? I'm pathetic, yes, I'm miserable,
I want to tear these railings up
And run you through - I feel violent
And I never thought that I would hate
Anything as strongly
As this second I do you.

And I feel inadequate,
I can't respond:
It's all there inside my head
But the words refuse to form -
They get lost somewhere
Between my brain and my tongue,
I want to scream and shout and demand to know
What exactly it is I've done
To deserve this hostility, this laying at my door,
This trying to double me up with guilt,
This fault-finding, but I'm suddenly bored&;#8230;

I walk away - control regained
Of my life -
Now rid of you.