Tongue tied

Tongue tied (29th April 2008, 7.51pm)

As I hold my tongue, struggling against
The slippery little bitch that she is,
I’m beating my head against the brick walls
I have built around myself;
So fucking stupid, such an idiot, over-cautious,
Just plain dumb and useless;
Why can’t I read you, why do you throw me
So? You seem to understand me…
Don’t you?

Mirror ball, mirror boy,
Do you have it all, can I be your toy?
Just a new ploy is what I tried:
Sated my insides with alcohol
And launched myself at you
Into the unknown, into the freefall zone
But you kissed me back, I know, I felt you…
But still nothing, no communication
Why can’t you mention it?
Are you shy or just an idiot?
As I am?

Every time I drive you home
I want to blurt out my confessions,
Spraying like fun foam
Across the car towards your teasing smile;
You make me feel teenage, laugh at my road rage
While I take it out around me,
Pass me a bottle to spill my feelings into.
Why, oh why, do I freeze now
When I’m happy in myself;
Why does my confidence flee
And leave me unable to speak the truth
Around you?

I’m tongue tied, I’m uptight
Why can’t I just put my heart on the line
And feed it to you, the simple truth?
Self-preservation has made me silent
And I just blather on, nothing things;
Bits of conversation that fill the time on these
Lift-giving things we do,
And why, when I can yabber on to you
About every little thing that makes up my life,
Why can’t I just say
I want you?