The 4.30pm London to Berkamhead, Return (Berkamhead 1998, Diary Entry: 13/08/1998)

Berkamhead 1998

Diary Entry 13th August 1998

Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene (No households, the occasional busy body, in plain Berkamhead, where nothing exceptional happens). From ancient grudge break to new mutiny where civil blood makes civil hands unclean (No ancient grudge, although my parents once had ‘words’ with our neighbours due to one of their chickens taking an uninvited stroll across our garden, no mutiny and a biscuit factory). From forth the fatal loins of these foes, a pair of star crossed lovers take their lives (Most of the people I know are divorced; Berkamhead has a higher than national average for failed marriages). Whose misadventured piteous overthrows, doth with their death, bury their parents grief (I’ve had my fair share of misadventure, much to my parent’s grief). The fearful passage of their death marked love and the continueth of their parents rage, but by their children’s end, not could remove, is now the two hours traffic of our stage (The bypass from Reladean, B3465, to the other side of Gutterford has kept the traffic down in Berkamhead particularly in the evening).

This is my first diary entry for nearly a year. So lets bring you up to speed. I mean, who is Stuart Williams (25) of Berkamhead? Well, I’ve still not made it as a writer; even the local amateur dramatic society dismissed my work as semi illiterate rubbish! I’m still living here in Berkamhead. It’s been ten years now, except for that brief spell in Gutterford and once again I am back living with my parents. It’s not as bad as you may imagine; it’s been especially quiet since Dad has his breakdown. An obvious benefit being, of course, that it is cheap; which is a good thing as I try desperately to pay back the various financial institutions that preyed on my naivety as a younger man and left me with awful debt.

I’m now the Deputy Manager at ‘Red Brick House’. To be honest, it’s a pretty easy deal; the eight residents are all pretty low maintenance given their individual level of disability. Since getting promoted I have become more detached from the daily dogsbody work of the support workers. A good thing really given that the actual manager goes sick six weeks at a time. It’s an inherent problem throughout the care profession and I’m of the opinion that it is time that all potential care workers should have both physical and emotional health checks. It doesn’t seem fair that people go sick on half pay, as it is; we are over paid for what we do. All that aside, I’m pretty happy there; working with people with disabilities can give you a real buzz. It could be worse; I could be working at the biscuit factory!

It really was Berkamhead’s biggest scandal when, in 1984, ‘Old Man’ Harold sold up his farm to Romany Biscuits PLC. You can imagine the local reaction, particularly from the villagers whose families have been inbreeding in Berkamhead for centuries. “Sad times”, “devastating”. My father even described it as, “the end of Berkamhead”. In fact, it was just the beginning; as the subsequent jobs literally wiped out employment in area overnight. It also forced the council to finally build that bypass. It was rumoured that even the local slaughterhouse benefited as ‘Old Man’ Harold’s animals finally bid fair well to the world. Few have escaped the pull of the biscuit factory. Mum still works there, as does Katie, my fiancée. She’s in charge of putting the cream into the middle of the biscuits.

Katie and I have been together for what, six years now and have been engaged for the past year. We’re like anyone else and have our ups and downs, but we always refuse to take life too seriously. People are always asking me if I truly love her; which I guess I do. But it has always troubled me, as I don’t seem to stick to the same ‘rules’ and standards others keep to. I look after her, I am always there for her, but I just can’t seem to be totally faithful. I’m sure for any reader, the alarm bells are already ringing, but please don’t judge what you don’t know. For me, love and lust are two different things and I’m just honest enough to act upon the latter. Or do I convince myself that it is the former? Yes, in the last six years I have been with other women, following my heart because it says I am in love, but have always quickly realised that I am motivated by lust.

Even when I have felt true love and have been prepared to risk everything that is both easy and secure; to give up my life for that other person, if the lustful element isn’t there then even those relationships have quickly failed. I guess that is why Katie and I have worked so well and have managed my infidelity because we have always successfully combined love and lust. We are sure to be getting married one day soon.